Somewhere In Between

Very interesting and revealing, Jason. Thank you for your generous post.

I can offer some observations gathered from my past 50+ years, but first I want to make something clear about the time of my sexual self-discovery.

There was no Internet and no one to explain the gentle explorations that would enhance or prepare a bottom for a gay encounter when I was 15. This was mainly due to the horrid criminal laws having sent information deeper into the closet than where we young teens were.

Mutual masturbation and fellatio were easy enough to work out with my school mates, but anal was a mystery that would have to wait until I was a mid teen and met a college age guy who had a bad bedside manner. I hope he wasn't studying to be doctor. He plunged in for all he was worth, and I wasn't really ready.

Neither was I ready for plunger number two a year or so later, but he too went on his merry way.

I was lucky in having an older lover who only desired mutual satisfaction of great gentleness.

However, I soon discovered the joys of prostate massage and I think younger guys are much more easily stimulated with an accompanying extreme pleasure, anally. The older we get, it seems that the prostate stimulated pleasure is matched by the pleasure of being a top. However, there is also a rider (no pun intended) to this as it certainly seems that a well used bottom may well develop an inability to reach orgasm, unless they are anally stimulated.

Several doctors and other practitioners all corroborate this theory, and that there is a natural changeover period between younger bottom, and becoming a not so young top. If the end of puberty which we can put at the latest as 16 being the younger bottom age, then the end of adolescence, which we can put at 25 would coincide with the change to becoming an older top. These age groups also fit in with the mentor system of Ancient Greece during its years of homosexual acceptance.

What I can say from experience and consultation with friends is that the notion of being only a bottom or only a top is not conducive to a full and happy sex life. As I said above the criminal law and its restrictive nature forced many of us to regard ourselves as one thing or another, but not both. That was something we had to learn. Today, I think young gay people have a much wider repertoire with greater access to information on methods of interaction. A pillow under the bottom's lower back can provide easy access for face to face encounters of the pleasurable kind. I have certainly found it best when the intimate flexing of posterior muscles is matched by the orbiting inserting shaft for maximum mutual lift-off.

I would emphasise that being able to alternate being both top and bottom is both healthy and necessary for a full sex life. But so too are the other 69 positions.

If you stop and consider it, we are lucky that the sexual prohibitions of Victorian England were ignored in boarding schools and in other more enlightened continental nations; otherwise same sex activity might have become limited to thinking about it. We humans are definitely, in my opinion, meant to share our sexual experiences with each other, and that includes those of us who have distinct genetic dispositions to exclusive same sex, or opposite sex relationships. There is a lot to discover about our sexual lives, and I don't think it is as limited as some would have us believe.

I would also agree that making love to a woman is easier than making love to a man. (I was seduced, I swear it.)

Well, Really! Pass the smelling salts....

Fascinating posts from you both. ;)

Ah! Everybody run! It's only a matter of time before Camy eats your face off.

Ahem. It does seem to me like the majority of guys my age are bottoms. Even the ones that say are tops or versatile seem to enjoy bottoming more than they like to admit. I came to the same conclusion you've come to: I don't want be with someone who is exclusively a top or bottom. At least not for more than thirty minutes a day :P.

I had a boyfriend when I was 18 who wanted to top then wanted to be bottomed. He didn't last long...thank goodness.

Alternating every six hours is best.

It has always fascinated me that when a straight guy sees two guys screwing they tend to think that the bottom is missing out...they just don't understand, poor dears.

Blue actually read this and is actually going to post a reply. Actually!

Long, ambling posts? I can't object, ppl would throw too much popcorn.

The internet didn't exist in my teens, including college age. I was too embarrassed and timid (and feeling too guilty) (or not desperate enough) to check some of the more directly informative areas or publications, shall we say. What I knew, I got from hearing guys and girls talk, TV, the library, and the bookstore. Oh yeah, and what little actual experience I had, which mostly included not getting as experienced as I would've liked. This, despite being a very "confused and questioning" teen. Lotta questions, lotta curiosity, not enough answers, and I guess I was looking for answers from the wrong people/places. (Not bad people/places, mostly, just not, um, gay or bi enough, I guess. But then, I was really uptight.) Also, I was just as often convinced (and probably right) to feel like I was being baited a few times. (Such as the boy who, sitting out in P.E., thought he'd say he bet I plucked my eyebrows, didn't I? Um, do what? You gotta be kidding me.)

Anyway, so in my vast not-much-experience but much interest in the subject, when I wasn't feeling conflicted about it, I can say a few things.

In my teens and twenties, if some friend had actually been nice enough to ask me if I wanted to do anything, and if I had had the cajones to say yes, what would my preferences have been? Easy: I couldn't have imagined anal would be good. My answer would likely have been a very articulate, "Ugh!" or maybe as much as, "Gross!"

I would not have known "top" or "bottom", but I would've figured it out from the words. Heh. (Though I might've had a little confusion on whether that had to do with what went where, versus who was where, altitudinally.) However, I would've figured it out, I'm sure. LOL.

That was then. That was also before the internet, and the chance to read things or see things. Um, and some of those sounded good, or at least OK, maybe worth a try, maybe, once I had time to get used to the idea. (Or get more desperate, possibly.)

However, back to the teens, I would've been very glad for the other options. By myself was fun, I have a good imagination. But of course, I wanted more of the few times with someone else. I just had very little idea how to ask or be asked. ... But except for one (possibly two) guys, it was pretty much me, shy about it as I was, trying to discover if a friend might be open to the idea of a guy doing anything with another guy, or in particular, him and me. I am very sure I fumbled this one in spectacular fashion, more than once. I must not have been around the right guys, I guess. (I hear about other guys' multiple explorations and I'm awed, dudes.)

My own opinion on anything in this department is, I'd want both partners to be just as willing (eager) to give as well as receive. Sharing. Equals. To me, that sounds much better, much less like somebody's missing out in the relationship. But then, I have had it pointed out to me that some people might really enjoy giving or receiving any of the various menu choices, even if they or their partner isn't especially keen on doing the same. Some people don't like it too spicy. Others don't like chocolate. (I mean chocolate, not a euphemism. I thought everybody liked chocolate. Oh well.)

Or a more basic question, how are you going to know if you are a top or a bottom if you haven't tried both? In that, I mean any of those menu choices.

Because of my own preferences earlier on, I can certainly understand it if someone doesn't want or like, say, oral or anal. If they don't like it, they shouldn't have to do it.

Um, OK, I do understand the idea of the Kinsey scale, some are straight, some are mostly straight, some are bi, some are mostly gay, some are gay. But I'd also say I have to wonder about the idea of a "straight top" or a "straight bottom." If he's primarily straight, OK. But if he's sought out and actively (or heck, passively) participating, top, bottom, or (heheh) sideways, uh, I'm not so sure he's exclusively straight, you know? ;) I'd say he's a little bi, at least.

Having said that -- Yes, it is also quite possible for a guy to be acting out from past experiences, bad or good. It's also possible a guy may feel tremendous guilt or at least tremendous confusion and questions about any kind of same-sex activity.

I grew up with the idea everywhere that boys weren't supposed to do things like that with other boys. So imagine my surprise when my body, mind, and heart wanted to do things like that with other boys. Heh. It's notable how good and right it feels during, yet you have questions or guilt after. It's also notable how, when there's someone you really like, it feels so good and right to find out or be found, heh. ... But eventually, you have to discover it really is OK to like the same sex for whatever you and he (or she) might want to do.

My opinion, including in one area where I don't have actual experience.

So there. I've just made one of my most revealing and controversial posts ever. Hoo boy.

I will admit that as far as anal is concerned, I prefer being a bottom. It is more satisfying and I last longer-- listen to me... I haven't been with another person since the last century. I also prefer having someone be in charge, having someone love and protect me. It's nice to be with someone stronger, so it's not just a sexual thing. It's also an emotional thing.

My first time being f@@@@ed, occurred when I was 16. I was walking home from work at Pizza Hut on a Friday night and a man in his early forties offered me a ride, which I naively accepted. I soon realized what he wanted and I wasn't averse to it! We pulled into a Sears parking lot and went to the back of his station wagon. Its true... you c an get anything you want at Sears (or could in 1974). I had never done certain things before, but I had shoplifted a copy of Everything You Always Wanted to Now About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask, so I had a mechanical understanding of what was going to happen, but I admit the preliminaries shocked me. A tongue...down there? Well, yes. Yes. YES! But the rest hurt and he didn't stop when I said STOP. So, it was not until my sophomore year in college that THAT particular thing happened again. Fortunately, it was with someone possessed of KY-- Did you know there was a time when you had to have a prescription or be a medical professional to have access to KY? I'm sure there are jokes to be made about that!

As I grew older and more experienced, I found being the sucker rather than the suckee and the fuckee rather than the fucker was what I wanted. There is something about someone else being in charge, being stronger, and protecting me that is an emotional turn-on and attraction. So, it's not merely a sexual preference.

In a couple of my stories, I've written about Bad Boys and how sexy they can be, (ex. Brad in Courage and Passion). I'm not necessarily into bad boys, but I can see the attraction to having someone being dominant in that way.