DesDownunder Posted December 4, 2007 Report Share Posted December 4, 2007 It only rhymes if you speak with an Australian accent. C It rhymes in English too. Link to comment
Cole Parker Posted December 4, 2007 Report Share Posted December 4, 2007 It rhymes in English too. Barely.<g> C Link to comment
Cole Parker Posted December 4, 2007 Report Share Posted December 4, 2007 And it's also almost a haiku. You didn't mention that! C Link to comment
DesDownunder Posted December 4, 2007 Report Share Posted December 4, 2007 And it's also almost a haiku. You didn't mention that!C Just for you Cole, the Haiku: I stand in awe, man. Standing makes my back feel sore. Then I sit in awe. Link to comment
Steven Keiths Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Is there some other way out of hereOther than driven by our own fear Maybe appeal, of those we hold dear Self reliance abandoned, that much is clear But am I leaving or running away By not moving from where I stay Faltering, each and every day No, there must be another way I must search out the reason why More so now that I feel the end is nigh Loneliness rules; I refuse to die Without knowing, why am I? If I step back and look for clues Willing, as always, to pay my dues What will I find, and what will I lose? If I am unwilling to choose? The end is nigh; a decision soon By the half, quarter or full moon? Link to comment
Cole Parker Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Just for you Cole, the Haiku:I stand in awe, man. Standing makes my back feel sore. Then I sit in awe. I love it, Des. Now, do you know a good headstone engraver? C Link to comment
DesDownunder Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Is there some other way out of here Other than driven by our own fear Maybe appeal, of those we hold dear Self reliance abandoned, that much is clear But am I leaving or running away By not moving from where I stay Faltering, each and every day No, there must be another way I must search out the reason why More so now that I feel the end is nigh Loneliness rules; I refuse to die Without knowing, why am I? If I step back and look for clues Willing, as always, to pay my dues What will I find, and what will I lose? If I am unwilling to choose? The end is nigh; a decision soon By the half, quarter or full moon? Shall I wait till the Sun's high noon? Link to comment
Trab Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Is there some other way out of here Other than driven by our own fear Maybe appeal, of those we hold dear Self reliance abandoned, that much is clear But am I leaving or running away By not moving from where I stay Faltering, each and every day No, there must be another way I must search out the reason why More so now that I feel the end is nigh Loneliness rules; I refuse to die Without knowing, why am I? If I step back and look for clues Willing, as always, to pay my dues What will I find, and what will I lose? If I am unwilling to choose? The end is nigh; a decision soon By the half, quarter or full moon? Shall I wait till the Sun's high noon? Before I banish all thoughts of doom. Link to comment
Jason Rimbaud Posted December 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2007 I don't know about everyone else, but I'm thinking this one if done. Any thoughts? jason R. Link to comment
DesDownunder Posted December 16, 2007 Report Share Posted December 16, 2007 It seems like a good ending to me Jason. And I think it worked a whole lot better than I first thought it would. Thanks for getting the idea started. I particularly like the idea of the final wait, before the implied reasoning of the banishment of doom at the Sun's zenith. Or have I read too much into it? Doesn't matter I still like it. Next. Link to comment
Hylas Posted December 16, 2007 Report Share Posted December 16, 2007 Is there some other way out of here Other than driven by our own fear Maybe appeal, of those we hold dear Self reliance abandoned, that much is clear that sentence... shouldn't it be: Maybe appeal, to those we hold dear? Link to comment
DesDownunder Posted December 16, 2007 Report Share Posted December 16, 2007 Is there some other way out of hereOther than driven by our own fear Maybe appeal, of those we hold dear Self reliance abandoned, that much is clear that sentence... shouldn't it be: Maybe appeal, to those we hold dear? Hylas, I didn't write the line in question and subject to the author's intention, the phrase can be either 'to' or 'of.' As I see it, as written, "the appeal, is of those we hold dear" in other words the people he holds dear have made an appeal to him, (presumably in empathy with him and in concern for his quandary), OR he has "of those he holds dear, made an appeal." If the latter then 'from' might have been another choice. Your suggestion would I think be seen as, that he was appealing to those he holds dear. Put into context with the other lines other side of it, then I see that your suggestion for 'to' rather than 'of' does seem better suited to the verse. Yet, it is poetry and we must not dismiss the qualifying first word, 'Maybe'. Therefore, I rather like the aberration and uncertainty of the appeal being 'of' him, rather than 'to', 'from' or even 'for' him. Just my thoughts. and thank you Hylas for an interesting observation. Link to comment
Trab Posted December 16, 2007 Report Share Posted December 16, 2007 Interesting commentary on that line. It is actually mine (wow, I've caused some controversy...imagine that), the strange part is that I meant it to be as Hylas has suggested, an appeal TO those we hold dear, but word usage being what it is, very regionalized in some cases, the word I chose, "of" is perfectly acceptable for that meaning. I would like it to remain there, providing just enough ambiguity to make things interesting. Think of a modified line, "Maybe appeal, of God" and you'll see that it is not as far off as one might initially think. Link to comment
Jason Rimbaud Posted December 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2007 THen let's come up with a title shall we. Des, you go first. Jason R> Link to comment
Trab Posted December 16, 2007 Report Share Posted December 16, 2007 May I offer, on Des' behalf: ǝɔɐǝd ɹǝuuı Link to comment
DesDownunder Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 May I offer, on Des' behalf:ǝɔɐǝd ɹǝuuı Why me? Why do I always have to go first? Why Can't I go after you? Don't answer that! Aha! Trab has saved me. Trab? Did you mean to print that upside down? How did you do that? Very inventive. The suggestion of turmoil from being upside down, hmmm. I think we might see a number of equally interesting titles. I'll throw this one in for thought: Getting Out of Dodge Link to comment
Steven Keiths Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 I keep reading it and what I come up with is short and simple: Decision to Decide or just plain Decision --Steven Keiths If you can't laugh at yourself; you're probably not funny. Link to comment
DesDownunder Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 We could of course keep everyone happy: Decision Dodging for Inner Peace. or maybe that should be Decision Dodging for ǝɔɐǝd ɹǝuuı Link to comment
Steven Keiths Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 Des, Perfect! or, Decision Dodging for Inner Peace for Those in Turmoil. We could keep adding to this and make it longer than the poem! --Steven Keiths Link to comment
DesDownunder Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 Decision Dodging for Inner Peace for Those in Turmoil When Approaching High Noon. Link to comment
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