I’ll never forget a conversation I had at fourteen with my parents when my Dad said something to me that I’ll never forget and will pass on to Mark, JC and any other kids we have: “We are all either the beneficiaries or victims of choices we make in our lives. It’s our place, as parents, to offer unconditional love to our children but unconditional love does not mean unconditional approval or unconditional acceptance of the choices you make. You, your brother and sister will always have our love, no matter what, but will not always have our approval of your choices. The greatest lesson we, as parents, can teach you is that you must accept the consequences of the decisions you have made. Those consequences may also affect our lives but will never affect our love for the three of you.”
I don’t envy you and David, Richard. You’re at a defining moment with this boy but also with your younger foster son and don’t think for a moment that he isn’t watching and learning about how you respond to the older boy’s dilemma. If Carl sees you standing by the fifteen year old out of love, he’ll feel reassured of your love for him also. It’s important for both boys to see and feel the love that you show but also see that you don’t condone the actions of the fifteen year old.
Good Luck!
Tim