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75. Heinz Gay Foods



A Heinz Mayo food advertisement has been criticised in the UK for a gay kiss between two men. This has caused a reaction from all quarters of society. I though an Australian 'take' on this might be illuminating even if it is a bit satirical.

Just for interest, it is true that an Australian TV series called 'Number 96' showed Aussie TV's first gay kiss in 1974.

Because of that, Australia has become a country of homosexuals ever since. We constantly arrest people from the general community and put them in homosexual training centres called jails.

Heterosexual people often confuse gay sex with their own revulsion of natural bodily functions. This has caused many of them to lead very unimaginative sex lives, much to their partners' dismay. Gay people have organised street parades called 'Gay Mardi Gras' and 'Gay Festivals' in nearly every Australian city. Wild parties are being hosted everywhere by gay people to try to show heterosexual couples that sex can be fun.

However we have to be careful of what the rest of the world thinks of us, so we pretend to only 'tolerate' gay people, by making it look like we don't approve of gay marriage. The truth of the matter is of course we fight for, and encourage the rights of homosexuals, everywhere wherever possible, especially on the beaches, on the streets and between the sheets. We will never surrender, (except for our virginity.)

Gay people are doing their best to have babies, so far without much luck.

Fortunately there are sufficient heterosexual people remaining in Australia who are having babies, a percentage of whom will become gay if they aren't already.

The Australian Governments have secretly assisted the GLBT community to deliver assistance to heterosexual parents who are bewildered by their lack of gay offspring, in helping them to understand that love between people of the opposite sex is as acceptable as love between same sex partners.

Proper nutrition is very important for the newly born baby and it has been suggested that Heinz baby food is an excellent source of the gay gene.



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Excised and quoted from Des' article:Fortunately there are sufficient heterosexual people remaining in Australia who are having babies, a percentage of whom will become gay if they aren't already. That skirts the issue neatly, doesn't it? They're certaily not going to takes sides whether it's nature or nurture!But the more I read that sentence, the more confused I become. Are they saying that a percentage the heterosexual people who have babies will then become gay? Are they saying a percentage of heterosexual people are already gay? Are they suggesting some heterosexual people remain in Australia and some depart, and this is an aspect of having babies? Are they speaking only of the babies and their future sexualities? Very awkward sentence indeed.C

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We don't really expect the rest of the planet to understand the basis for Aussie-sexual sentence construction. It is a very advanced form of communication, usually employing at the very minimum, a tongue (or something similar) in cheek approach. Of course, confusion does sometimes arise as to whose tongue (or something similar) is in whose cheek/s, but the message is eventually delivered, usually with much satisfaction for all. :icon12:

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