plasticreality

this is a set of poems i wrote a few days after my mum died. i started out trying to write one poem to read at her burial, but wound up with three that seem to fit well together. they repeat themselves and dwell, but then, that's what i've been doing so i guess it makes sense. i read the third one at her burial. You taught us to love, live be happy. Gave us your heart, shared your whole being. You were strong for us our whole lives. I hope these past few months, we were strong for you. We will always remember you, carry your lessons and yearn for your presence. Now only the stuff of dreams. We wish you peace, rest. It is your time to go, do and be all those things you never got the chance to in this world. ~~~~~ You gave us your heart. All of your life, nurtured and protected anyone in need. May you find the same warmth we found in your presence, your arms, at finally resting with your mother and sister. We will always try to live our lives in ways that make you proud; if you keep your promise to haunt us, watch over us, even if only in our dreams. We wish you peace. Your life and dreams of happiness will live forever within each of us. ~~~~~~~ I will remember you when I gaze on this pendant. Rich brilliant opal, as you were so full of brilliance and depth. We will remember you when we sew dresses, hems, socks. When we cook, we will hear your voice, guiding our hands at the stove. You will forever haunt us in our dreams and memories. You live on in each of those of us who love you. May your soul be free and at peace; and your spirit gain strength with each memory we share. May you watch over and guide us, for the rest of our lives. ~~~~~~~~~ just a final note, despite the sensitive nature of this topic, i don't mind constructive criticism. actually, i'd like it. but if you're going to critique my work in general, but especially these three, please try and remain positive. thanks

P.A.s can be very hot.... and lots of fun

my mother died early this morning.... i guess i just feel like since i'm going through the list and telling everyone, i should let you guys know too. if you want more details, they're in my livejournal, here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/gabreality/

i prefer lamb, beef just doesn't have as much flavour. and i prefer duck over chicken for the same reasons. fish? my favourite sea creatures (this includes shell fish) are: lobster, oysters (on the half shell), monk fish, clams (fried from www.woodmans.com is best), salmon, shrimp, yellowtail, heck i love just about any kind of fish you throw at me. can you tell i grew up with a middle eastern dad and a french mom in new england? (lamb + fish)

thank you! i love constructive, educational criticism. if you wanna go for broke on all of my poems, feel free. i'm always looking to improve my writing. as for your commentary: i totally agree/ see what you mean with almost all of what you said (i can't be perfect, can i?). your suggestions for "paring down" are right on, thank you! and i think you're right about the word "relative", maybe ambiguous would work, but without changing the word order, just replacing. i think you're right about the "really die" portion, but i really don't know what to do with it. you say i need to reword it, and i know you're right (i thought so when i posted this) but i just dunno what to do with it. suggestions are welcome, i will continue to ponder it. thanks again! -gaby

i have to say, that the survey i cited is not a perfectly administered survey. there are several factors which could make the stats out of whack. number one is that kids answering these questions while sitting in a classroom filled with other kids might want to impress each other with how many "bad" things they've done. number two is that a lot of those national surveys are administered by healthcare professionals and other people in positions of authority, which could make the respondants want to downplay their participation in "bad" things. also, please take into account that i went to school in an urban environment which as i mentioned, had plenty of kids from the projects in it. these are kids that smoke a joint on the way to school and have a 40 on the way home. a lot are from haiti and other carribean nations where marijuana use is completely common. there are also kids at that school that are relatively well off that have a glass of wine with dinner (that their parents serve them). as far as coicaine goes, keep in mind it is found in extacy, so they lumped that stat in with the coicaine, maybe that made it a bit higher. yes, i'm sure the stats for my high school are high compared to the national average, but the national average also includes salt lake city, if ya take my meaning. but anyway, that wasn't my original point in making the post. my point was, that sex, drug use and other risky behaviors are not limited to the gay population. they are things that all teenagers engage in, and too often! i am not advocating any of those behaviors, i think they hurt and hinder a lot of great kids. i personally lost my virginity at 13, and i'm not proud of it. i wish i hadn't. maybe i could write a story about having sex at a young age with an older partner and the kind of victimization it leads to? would that be innappropriate reading for a 14 or 15 year old? i guess i'd say it depends on the kid. like i said before. codey, more power to you for sticking by what you believe in and wanting to right those wrongs you see in the world around you. i'm glad there are kids like you out there. turning a blind eye to problems never makes them go away.

codey, i think your statements have much more to do with the adolescent world in general than just gay teens. sure, being gay is another thing to add to the awkward, strained and often painful years of adolescence, but i don't think it's what makes being a teen so hard. i grew up/ went to high school in a place where homosexuality is no big deal. plenty of kids i went to school with were gay, and no one (except the total bastards) cared. we had coming out day assemblies, and project 10 east (the gsa) had to move its meetings to the cafe because the membership was so high. there were some gay kids who had trouble at home, (mostly the ones from catholic families) but there was a huge support network at school for both them and their parents. anyway, my point in saying all this is that the persecution and depression you hear about amongst many gay teens was not the norm in my world. but that didn't change the fact that an awful lot of them (and the straight kids too!) used a lot of drugs, drank, and had orgy parties. wether wrong or not, those things are the norm for many teens. i personally never participated in those things, but i was in the extreme minority. i went to a school of 2,400 kids from all racial and socioeconomic backgrounds (meaning, i went to school with everyone from who lived in projects and parents spoke no english to kids who lived in mansions and vacationed on their private yacht in the caymans every year). they did an anonymous survey of the kids every 2 years, to see what kinds of risky behaviors they were engaging in. these were the results for my senior year (2002): 88% drank alcohol at least once a week 76% used marijuana at least once a month 62% were sexually active 83% of those who were sexually active used condoms 32% tried cocaine at least once 48% used a hallucionogenic drug (shrooms, acid, etc.) in the past 6 months 68% seriously considered suicide in the past month 80% participated in an "extremely violent" (meaning bloody) fight in the past 6 months 23% paid for or charged money for sex there were other results, such as how many used steriods, and how many people cheated on tests, etc. but these are the results that it think are the most relevant for what you're talking about. more power to you codey, for wanting to improve the world and for sticking by your beliefs and not participating in activities that you don't agree with. but that doesn't mean you should ignore the fact that those things go on, and a lot more than they probably should. i believe that part of being able to "right the wrong" as you put it, is being able to recognize that wrong and speak about it, ignoring it won't make it go away.

i LOVE happy tree friends! first saw it in sick & twisted, years ago. and it still makes me laugh, every time. la la lalala, lalalala..... :twisted:

it's a jewish prayer for healing, you say it for a sick person. also, rabbis say it for sick members of the community.

Night Life and all its contents are nothing but a series of practiced lies passed down. Never forget? What does it matter if I forget the half-truths taught to me by my forebears? Love, the dream of peace and happiness, it's what we all want, right? What would I do without my misery to keep me company on those long nights of confusion and abandonment. Lost to the wider world, trapped inside this quivering mess they like to call a soul. (edited 10:26am, sorry about the typo!)

Ice Queen Sure I'm making more of this than I ought to be a good, selfless self-sacrificing daughter of tradition and history. Honor thy mother give of yourself till there's nothing left. Nurture, nurse, heal, through whatever means necessary. A mi shebeirach will never be enough. Evil of existance and caring. Why couldn't I have been ice queen, escape to Narnia. Hide my blackness in the blanket of fantasy snow. Where the white dilutes all evil. If I was ice queen, they wouldn't want me at all. Now, I'm only good for what I can give. Which is worse? disgust and distance either way. But ice queens live off of hate. Where it kills me is my heart. So don't worry, you can still have the rest.

Mediocre Cold, cleavage enhancing conversation built to disguise our true thoughts, of sex, drugs, and downbeat trance. A great experimental failure to quit while you're ahead will result in lifelong misery and regret are something I'm intimately familiar with. All the sexual innuendo in the book of how to live as fool of the year. Talked about in all the hottest social cirlces. Any publicity is good publicity, right? Pretend to be rich and famous. Promote yourself by kissing a frog in front of a camera. Sure to notice time lapse of evolution into desperate drunk whore. Is the one thing you could never mistake me for, myself? I don't exist. All an illusion of mediocrity is something I aspire to but can never achieve.

Faith You're back again so soon. No cure, yet you speak as though you know it'll be alright. So sure of how the world will work its magic on you. Know you have to believe, to keep yourself sane and hopefull that you'll come out of this ok. Then what? Life-as-usual wasn't much of a life. Dissapointment after letdown into squalor. That faith in tomorrow, where does it come from? How can you believe so wholeheartedly in it, yet never work toward it? Why didn't I get any?

Death of Spring There's an oppression in "quality of life," a relative term. Who?s to judge the severity of wanting to die and be reborn as someone good, new. Renewal and rebirth are the bright banners of spring. Wish they?d wrap me up, just a lump under the carpet. Until I emerge as though from a cocoon; suddenly, a beautiful butterfly. How crestfallen to discover it?s just me, staring back in confusion. Why didn?t it work? Do I have to really (not just metaphorically) die, in some long and agonizing way? To please all those crazed killers (and normal folk too), with every right to hate what I am. Will that set me free? Lies and Dissapointment Just using you to wonder what if I could be better, transform into that ideal you seem to see. I?ve got nothing, and it?s only getting worse. Crash down into me, to find there was nothing there all along. Such a huge Disappointment, never ceases to amaze even the most altruistic of us. If only the amazement was the right kind. If only I was the right kind. Yet I?m not, never will be. Can?t be anything at all, don?t even exist. I am a myth, built up into an identity of Lies. Somewhere along the line, someone got the mistaken impression that I am good, intelligent, worth something. It?s all Lies. Sorry they told you those things. Sorry you believed them. Sorry I?m such a Disappointment. Solitary Consumption Consume in tandem with the man next - to - me - that - I'm - not - with. In an effort to appear less alone, write more than I have in months of contemplation, afraid to speak. I might ruin more than my own life, simply by emitting a sound. The new shift. I've started a trend of isolation and awkwardness. We're all alone, and I've pushed away the only one who might've made me less so. Because it isn't "right." What right do I have to be so descriminating? A false connoisseur of love. (edited @ 10:26pm, sorry about the typo!)

dude, just an idea: make the page background a solid color and then put the image on top of it, that way even if we can't see the picture, we can at least read the text. also, you should try setting the size of the image in whatever page generation software you're using, cuz i'm running at 1024x768 and it goes off the edge of my window. for all you mac people out there: safari is the way to go!