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Nathan

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  1. Wait, wait! Hang on a sec! I hold up my hands and say that my first post was indeed wrongly put! I did not mean to intentionally offend in the slightest though. I thought I was writing some constructive crit but it has indeed come across in a bad bad way! For this, I apologise! I am not a troublemaker and have no intention in being construde as such. I joined awesomedude to read some good stories and have not been disappointed at all. I may have not posted on this site before but it just so happened that today I chose to, and it just so happened that this was the story I chose to read on this day and actually review! I do NOT know the history of this story and do NOT know how long it had been in progress! Again, I really apologise to the writer. As I have said, I am enjoying your story and I am looking forward to the next chappie.
  2. I did not realise that you had to be known to have an opinion on stories hosted on this site. I apologise for giving my honest opinion. ArchangelMatthew72 I am sorry for my first post. I just read it back and realised how it may well have come across. The bones of it...I am enjoying your story and am indeed looking forward to the rest of it. As I have said, the plot is wonderful and intiguing. No offense was meant.
  3. I have to agree with the author here and say that these first four chappies are rather poorly written. This is more from the style of its writing. For example the constant stat descriptions of each character, not only on their introductions but also throughout the chapters....as in ''Jeff was 5ft 11, muscular with brown hair....'' ''Drew...had sandy blond hair, green eyes and stood only 5ft 8...''...''Catching his reflection....he admired his 6ft muscular, eighteen year old frame and tanned...'' This I find to be rather jarring and a poor way of describing characters. This sort of thing occurs all of the way through the text...''flashing straight white teeth''....''hurling his 180lb frame''...''the beast paused, crouching on his muscular abs'' This style makes for a poorly written attempt at describing the appearance of characters as well as trying too hard in telling the reader how good looking they are. However, the redeeming feature of the story is its plot, which admittedly draws the reader in. The author is not revealing every aspect of the story straight away but is allowing it to be pieced together bit by bit. Each chapter we are learning something exciting and new. The action is fast paced and is described with good detail. I am indeed looking forward to the next chapter.
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