Wow. So much to consider...and me here in Jamaica, mon, sitting poolside with a pineapple smoothie! (Is it evil of me to admit I'm on vacation and at a resort? It's not to rub it in the face of you working stiffs--much as I love doing that, too--it's to point out that I'm really into this process. So much so, that I'm spending my time at a resort writing and thinking about your comments!)
In no particular order: no, sisyphitic is not a word. The word, points out Cole in a private email, is sisyphean. Thanks! Yes, for that kind of thing it is certainly appropriate to point it out in this forum. More than appropriate, it is helpful. That way I get to say things like: Todd was drunk. He got the word wrong. And it set up the syphilis joke. Does it work? Is it allowable?
My editor in CONTROL and KAOS would not permit me to use made-up words, even when I had a reason for doing so. I wanted Topher to consistently say, ?I could of? when, of course, it is correct to say, ?I could have.? She wouldn?t let me. But I know people who make that mistake all the time! It?s colloquial! She was unmoved. She said it didn?t make Topher sound colloquial, it made the author sound stupid. I pointed out that Shakespeare made up hundreds of words. She suggested when I'm as good as he was, so can I. I don't have a proofreader yet for this project. So I'll not say that I got the word wrong (which is, of course, true), I'll say Todd was drunk, and I wrote the wrong word on purpose!
Anyway, the reason it?s helpful in this forum is that I get to ask at large: should I change it (which would require getting rid of the joke)? Is it okay to use invented words when it?s pretty clear from context what they mean (and there?s a reason to invent one)? Granted, perhaps not in the third paragraph, but in general? What are people?s thoughts?
I do need a proofreader, but generally don?t ask for one until enough chapters are posted that the person who volunteers knows (s)he is going to enjoy the task. Also, I need someone who knows the language well enough to be able to argue (for weeks!) arcana such as whether the comma is distributive. They?re hard to find. But that's going to explain a number of errors in early chapters.
Trab, I know people will know I?m looking at the thread. Still, my participation will have the effect of steering the conversation, as Graeme points out. I see that as both a good and a bad thing. But I will participate, since that seems to be the consensus. And rest assured: I am no alpha male. Nor am I a writer by trade or habit. It?s something I?ve discovered and am learning about as I go. As a side note, I can?t tell you how many people confused the author with the characters in Alpha Male. It actually got a little annoying as it was most generally assumed I, the author, was interchangeable with Mark, the narrator and protagonist. Not so cheery a thought as I did my best to have Mark be a real dickhead!
Writebymyself, the asterisk bar *** is probably a good idea. Yes, I had intended that the line break would signify a perspective shift. It?s much easier to see that on the written page than on the web. I expect I?ll include the asterisk bars in the first rewrite. Meanwhile, in the second chapter (a quasi-acceptable version of which I?ve just completed, and will post as soon as Biff gives feedback on it) I stripped out even the line breaks when changing perspectives. I?m curious about whether or not it works.
Fear not, colinian. It?s not going to be a druggie story.
Cole, regarding ?the guy?, and colinean ?(He?s a drug dealer? Nah)? I have two questions: it is intentionally unclear what Bo thinks his work is. I hope, though, it is clear what Todd (and, at this point, I?d expect, the reader) thinks Bo?s work is. Is it? If it is, then does Bo?s use of ?the guy? make it seem like it takes more than just a name for Bo to distinguish one gentleman from another? That was the intent of writing it that way. If I missed, I missed.
In fact, it is my hope that deciding who Bo really is and what he really does is going to be one of the tasks for the reader in this book. Bo and Todd certainly don?t agree now, and the reader has a choice to trust one, the other, or neither?s observations.
That might be it for today. The late-afternoon clouds are begining their rise, the rumble of thunder is thrilling the few guests around the pool, and I have to get Biff to read chapter 2.