Berkeley Romantic

Hands grope for the bulge And instantly disengage; Must be a size queen.

No matter how long I look at it It doesn?t ring Has it died? Have I charged it? Is it over? Before the world Became modern I was happier. Now it?s too fast The rejection That is I didn?t do anything Bad Did I? It?s not me I didn?t move Too fast I?ll drink a martini That?ll help For now This isn?t a poem I don?t write them I live instead Still I miss him ?Stupid I am

I like this---a lot.

Beset by restless dreams of flesh and bone, And awakened within a storm fronts lee, What beautiful youth astride his throne, Has the temerity to take embrace of me? Should these own hands doth tenderly seize At the vision parading upon my thought, Seeking release from the whispered breeze Of a reward that hasn?t, yet, been caught? Would mine own blood lap at the parch?ed shore And be found yearning the touch of suckling tongue E?er that beautiful youth above the clouds doth soar And maketh the very stars once again feel young? These fortunes hath resided within my soul Resurrecting the strength to make me whole.

Words like ?always? and ?never? are frequently problematic---I had to substitute the word frequently for always there. ;-) Your point, Graeme, is a valid one as I?m sure most of us have read stories that started off rather slow or confusing but ended up being great reads. I think, however, that the author of the thread you mentioned was likely referring to manuscripts of unpublished authors, i.e. the difficulty that would arise in finding an editor who would persevere through a story long enough to discover it to be the gem; Especially when they have a mountain of other manuscripts on their desk begging attention. A far as your story ?New Brother? is concerned, I don?t share your opinion that it doesn?t meet the criteria laid forth in this discussion. Its very first paragraph suggests that the protagonist has been thrown out of the home and even been struck by a blow. While you do not explicitly state that it was because the character was gay, it would seem likely (perhaps even obvious) to readers of this particular genre. Even if your readership isn?t a gay young man who fears, or has feared, that particular outcome in the process of revealing their true selves, you at least provided the tension necessary to grab anyone?s interest in the back-story to Adam?s situation. The fact that most of your readers probably ?know? that Adam?s discomfort arose from a conflict with a parent concerning his gayness doesn?t detract from the enjoyment of the process which leads us to the final paragraph where the truth of the matter is revealed. We (your readers) are appreciative of the types of stories that you and the others so admirably provide: they resonate with us. The fact that your first chapter of ?New Brother? included quite a bit of description wasn?t an issue for this reader, because I know the necessity of description for a long read, which I was anticipating. I agree with you that it might be a good idea to liven up the chapter initially if you plan to have it published. We don?t want those with the power to publish to toss it aside without a fair chance! (Pardon the denseness of my comments, I am not an editor!) Be well, Louis

If one is looking for an editor with a sense of humor. Not if one is looking for a primadonna. Berkeley Romantic

Hello all you wonderful, masculine, hottie editors out there! Guess what I need! Louis (aka Berkeley Romantic)

The cruelest part of gay adolescence is the penchant (arguably required in some environs) to deny ourselves the expressive release of our desire. I, too, am filled with regret that I didn't bravely profess my own hidden yearnings. C'est la vie. Nice poem.

My! Weren't you feeling a bit randy! LOL Cute poem - :downtown:

I liked this very much; relatively straight-forward and logical, with nice imagery. Cool.

Codey, Personally, change has always scared the living shit out of me. I can, therefore, appreciate your courage. But change happens and is inevitable--sigh--so how we deal with it helps define who we are. And who we will become. As long as you're approaching it with "wonderment and wide-eyed", I suspect the "me that?s meant to emerge" will be someone able to value the paradoxical beauty of ugliness. This ability is rare and should be cherished. Your "me" is going to be wonderful. Your poem made feel good. Louis

4.33 H Rapid pulses beat As Hope?s inferno beckons A chance to revive Lost beloved youth Found in the attic of grief Remembering him Falling leaves barrage The hopeless passionate soul Romance is bitter Sweet fortune blowing A breath of new life Spins snowflakes across the pond Stirring a boy?s heart _

Remembering Eric Clouds? parted in deference allowing the moon?s light to fall Upon the form of the boy that lay so peacefully below. The gentle bed of boughs laid tenderly for him By a lover?his lover?gazing at him in wonder. The boy stirred at the presence and stretched out, A hand seeking that which had so long eluded His grasp, reaching for a dream's shadow and finding It met, at last, by warmth and satisfaction. The lover smiled upon the form, accepting the hand. His own, speaking affectionately without words Soothing the fluttering breast, silently consuming Fear, gently overpowered the willing boy.

Justyn, I wouldn't worry too much about the ands and the thans, et al. While it could possibly be said that the wording of your poem could be modified to increase its impact and flow, it is wonderful as it is; particularly considering the youth of the author. There is beauty in little imperfections; anyone who has been in love knows that.

:D A fine example of Redneck Logic.