Hey, thanks!
I found someone to look over my stuff now, which should make things better in future.
I have started, and am about half way on part two. I havent had my 'editor' look over it yet, but would appriciate of people could just have a quick read and tell me if I might have made some of the mistakes I made in part one, again. I tried to cut down on off topic detail, but I'm not too sure it worked
http://www.geocities.com/aleksas_5555/story2draft.html
Thanks for the advice/help.
Lex.