Jason Rimbaud

So something happened to me over the last weekend that I've been debating on whether or not I would share with those of you that read this Blog. And it's not because I think the events that transpired that lonely Friday night is of a personal nature and I'm unwilling to share it here to those that read my Blog on the daily. Because I think you know that I've been nothing but brutally honest in these entries over the last few years. Whether I'm writing about my past drug addictions, my straight-boy crush Mark and our adventures, or the stupid shit that happens in my daily life, I never once second guessed or deleted a single Blog entry I've written. Not to say that I'm proud of each and every entry that made it online in this Blog and the other one over at Awesome Dude. There are more than a few that never should've been posted in the first place. But that's the beauty of Blogging, being raw and uncensored. And yes that was a dig at Julien, maybe I want to read your Blog entries more than once, I love reading old Blog entries and the comments. But let's move on, and I still love you Julien. *smooches* But when I decided to begin this journey of online Blogging, I created a personal standard, a guideline of do's and don'ts that I swore to strictly follow. I promised myself that I would always write candidly and without fear, no matter the subject. And that I would never censor my words no matter the personal cost. And looking back over the last few years, I think I've kept that promise. So why would I hesitate about sharing this particular event if I swore to always be honest in my Blog? Well, I never swore that I would share everything that happened in my life, I only swore to always tell the truth when I did Blog. After all, no one person's life is so interesting enough to disclose each and every event that happens. Can you imagine trying to read a Blog where the author described in great detail each and every little boring thing that happened to him on a given day? After a few entries, you?d find something else to read, if you just didn?t put a gun to your head to stop the boredom. It?s the Blogger?s duty to only present the interesting moments and to keep the boring shit safely locked away far from the reader?s eyes. So I was talking about last weekend night?or to be more accurate I was talking about thinking about telling you about what happened last weekend. But before that? Most of you know that my parents threw me from their house after my father caught me in a compromising position with an older boy when I was sixteen years old. Most of you know that my father died shortly afterwards and that was the last time I ever spoke to my father. My relationship with my mother is nonexistent. The last time I saw the breathing cunt that gave me birth was the day she tried to trick/force me to enter Desert Stream Ministries (I think that is the name), a place that specializes in the re-education of homosexuals. That was the day when I stopped hoping that my mother would one day come to accept my sexuality. That day, I remember looking into her eyes and I realized that I saw nothing but hatred, disgust. And I saw the blame. I think she blamed me for the heart attach my father head a few short months after he found out his son was a no good rotten cocksucker. That was the day I kicked her out of my life. And believe me when I say, I will die a happy man if I never speak to her again for the rest of my life. I wouldn?t go as far as to say that my sexuality is necessarily the fault of my parents, or that they somehow conceived a defected child. But I will go on record saying that they did nothing to curb my natural behavior. And in a way, a very big life changing kind of way, they contributed greatly to my innate desire to be in close proximity with other boys. ?Oh really?? you might have voiced this question or a different question that is somewhat similar to the one I offer here, upon first reading the above statement, at this particular time, while reading this particular paragraph, of this particular Blog entry. Or you might ask, ?How could a set of parents, so righteous and so in tune with the almighty god ever contribute to a son of theirs being a faggot?? I?m glad you asked one of these two questions, it will make the rest of this entry more interesting. For those of you that didn?t ask that question, please feel free to exit?now. Beware, the worlds longest sentence is coming up. When you isolate twenty to thirty, thirteen year old boys, in a camp far away from all contact with the female type species, especially at the time when those boys are just discovering that the thing between their legs has a more important function that releasing bodily waste, only an idiot would be surprised that the boys, or at least a few of those boys, would find an alternative method to release and explore the pent up sexual energy that Mother Nature has so thoughtfully imprinted in our DNA. This is a fact. I?ve seen it proved too many times over the years. Hell, I?ve proved it too many times over the years. Don?t believe me, put three, twelve to fourteen year old boys in a room for three days and leave them to their own devices and see what happens. At least two out of the three boys will experiment, sexually, with one another. Because all humans have one thing in common, deep inside our genetic make-up, we are hardwired to ensure the continuation of the human species. And if you take that away, we will still try to fulfill that need. Sex is something that most American?s shy away from. I think in part because of our ancestor?s fear of women being accepted as an equal. And in part because a majority of American?s believes that sex is a gift of God that is only supposed to be used for procreation. Any other reason that brings you to orgasm is in direct violation of the Bible and therefore deemed to be an abomination. This is completely and hysterically fucking funny to me. We all know, just by reading the papers, the religious right are known to have the kinkiest sexual habits of them all. Of course, the bathroom trysts aside, they justify this behavior by decreeing that if these deviant acts are between a husband and a wife then all is fine and perfect. Just don?t let those same acts happen between two people who are unmarried, or ever worse, of the same sex. Because then it?s an abomination unto God and the evildoers should be put to death. Apparently, in the Christian Bible, only a male and a female are allowed to fall in love. Why do we know this to be a fact? Because some asshole who lived in the dessert three thousand years ago claimed he was a messenger of God and said so. That?s it. No facts to validate his claim. Apparently, if you live in the dessert for a few years with nothing to eat or drink, except what birds happen to regurgitate in your mouth, then everything you say must be directly from the mouth of God. Who, by the way, hates faggots for some unknown reason. And if there was a reason, he decided not to explain it to the world. He just hates faggots?because. Get this, two guys fucking is such a sin that it ranks up there with anyone who eats shellfish. I know, that?s pretty fucking bad. I don?t know why, and I bet your local minister can?t explain it rationally either. And I also bet everything I own, that your minister eats every kind of shellfish even as he denounces homosexuality. The two laws are in the same book, and I think in the same chapter. But shellfish are good so we?ll throw out that law but two guys fucking gives me the creeps so we?ll keep that in. It never ceases to amaze me, how any religious fanatic/fuck can pick and choose seemingly at will, which parts of the Holy Book he follows blindly and which parts he?ll casually dismiss. If you take even a part of the book as truth, then you must take it all for truth. Once something is an abomination, it?s an abomination forever. And that?s a long fucking time. Just because the custom of the land has changed, and shellfish is no longer deemed unclean by the masses, which is why the early Jew?s were not allowed to eat shellfish and pork in the first place, that doesn?t mean that God?s law has changed. It doesn?t matter what man might twist or interpret the words to say, God?s law never changes. It says so in the book, a cannon that was published by a panel of Christians who were ordered by an emperor to create a standardize belief system that could be implemented by physical force on the entire empire. Or to be more realistic, the entire known world at the time. Fuck you, it?s your religion, I?m just quoting from the book you decided to live your life by. If you have a problem with what I?m saying/writing, take it up with your god. These are his fictitious words, not mine. Whoa, fuck me backwards Batman, I seemed to have digressed into a rant about religion. This is just a habit I frequently do while writing these Blog entries as you who read my Blog well know. And I am tempted to delete every paragraph that doesn?t pertain to the original topic?but. I won?t, because believe it or not, life on this planet will not go forward until this delusional belief in an imaginary figure in the sky disappears forever. This goes for Christians, Muslims, Hindu?s, Jew?s, Buddhists, and any other fly by night religion. Notice I didn?t include Scientology, because let?s face it, those fuckers are insane. Even the Buddhists take a step back and say, fuck. So I can still choose which parts of my life to share online and which parts to keep private, how do I decide what to share and what not to share? I think for one?s own sanity, the author and the reader, there are certain things that should remain private and things that should be offered up for anyone to experience. And that is why I?m currently struggling inside even as I write this sentence. I don?t know if I should continue this line of thought and let my emotions take me where they may or stop typing and go back to work?

Just perfect....great surprise ending and a message we should all live by. Jason

What a nice way to chronicle random meetings, I love the sweet and gentle play between them, sometimes the eyes can say it all. Jason

I love the raw emotion, and the anger seething at the surface. Enough said... Jason

What a shy, slowly awakening tale about a man who is finally stepping out away from the shore. Much like Des, I flirt outrageously with almost everyone, I find that it gets me what I want easier. And no I'm not talking about sex, but I find approaching these clerks with a bit of humor and a flirtatious manner gets me that refund, or that special deal. Jason

It's kind of ironic, at this moment I'm listening to AD's first podcast, and the song is playing, Son of a Preacher man, and then I read this brilliant, sad flash and I couldn't help but draw parallels. One hasn't realized it's beyond over while the other is trying to hide his unavailable emotions. How often I've been in this situation, trying to let the other person down gently, lying to make it more human, while all the time just wanting to say the truth and end it like pulling off a band aid. I likes this muchly Jason

If you go to Theo Tams offical website, the video is available there. I kind of like the song, he's got a really unique voice. Jason

Here in the USA, we call them blow jobs...no wonder I didn't get the reference.Jason (always up for any kind of job)

I'm still wondering about the whole, "head job" comment.Jason (the confused)

Cole, don't get me wrong, we have many guests that are polite and thankful for our time and service. But sadly, we don't remember them as vividly as we remember the assholes. You talk to any server, and they will remember the asshole customer that didn't tip for years over the nice polite guy that tipped twenty percent. In my life, I have seen people in the mall and I will immediately remember them from my restaurant three years ago. I just wished, we could actually treat these people how they should be treated and not have to act like we are the assholes. One of these days, I'm just gonna lose it and go off on someone, I just know it.Jason (who has calmed down a bit)

So the restaurant has been crazy the last few weeks...of course when is it not crazy. In a way, I'm glad people still have disposable income in these tough times and that they still come to my restaurant to spend this disposable income. But why the fuck do these people with these disposable incomes think they are so much better than the rest of us and insist on treating us like donkey shit eaters. Fine, we don't make as much money as they do, and we don't drive the same kind of cars or walk in the same circles as these elitists. But that doesn't make us the shit that hangs out on the bottom of your shoes that gets casually wiped away by one of your peeps. We work just as hard as they do, sometimes for long periods and without the lavish vacations. We live on shoe-string budgets that wouldn't pay for their yearly car insurance bills. I'm sorry you drove all the way down from San Francisco in your gas guzzling SUV and got stuck in traffic for three hours due to a car accident. I'm sorry that when you walked in the door ten minutes before we close and demanded a table for three I told you that we would be needing your order in five minutes as the kitchen will promptly close at 9:30 and all orders must be in before that. I'm sorry we ran out of the halibut ten minutes before we close the restaurant. I'm sorry that at five minutes after ten that you decided to order another entree because you were still hungry. I"m sorry that the kitchen staff had left to go home after working 13 hours to see their already asleep families. I'm sorry that we were so inconsiderate as to close before you were completely finished. I'm sorry that we are nothing but assholes who had forgotten that we only live to serve you. And we still don't have kill an asshole day yet in America? Jason

I as well am enjoying this ride. Good one james Jason

So, how's it going? Naw, that's stupid. After all, I haven't done anything in this Blog for forever and that's the weakest opening ever. Over the last few days, I've been re-reading all these entries and I've come up with better sentences on all of them. So I must come up with something better than, how's it going? I had thought about explaining why I haven't posted anything in forever, but that seems like a cope out and probably no one cares. I also thought about doing some chit and some chat about my life the last few months. But for the life of me, nothing exciting stands out. I get up at 9am, I go to work. I get home around midnight and go to bed. Repeat forever. So that would be boring. Maybe I should start this Blog exactly where I left off all those forever moments ago. But then all you'd have to read about is what I wrote in the above sentence. Fuck it. I'm single, so I have no exciting stories to relate about dirty sheets and closet dwelling twinks. I'm a bit balder now, but really, it's not like I can hide it anymore. I'm still drug free, but really, did anyone ever truly doubt that? I lurk around at Awesome Dude, and can't find anything witty to say, not surprising. I read a few of the new flash fictions, commented when they struck a cord, but mostly I remained silent. Which is quite disturbing in a way, considering Awesome Dude was and still is my first home. It's where I started Blogging, it's where most of you got to know me through my rambling and continuous digressions. But for a long time, I felt like this Blog was part of the past. It chronicled things in my life that I didn't want to think about anymore. Things that I felt would only drag me down if I continued to let them fester. Hell, this is the place where I left Mark, and good riddance by the way. But lately, I felt like I had abandoned a part of me that could be used for my future self. I don't know, maybe I'm just lazy and have been focusing on myself and my offline life too much to offer up things here. But then I read something that Cole posted to one of my comments in Flash Fiction, and it got me thinking. A Blog isn't something that chronicles just the past, it's about the now, what's going on right now and who's playing a part in my continuous evolution as a human. I don't think it's fair of me to view these pages as a past I would rather forget. I think I should use these pages as a future I would like to share. I won't make promises that I'll do better in the future, I won't say that I'll never take a break from this Blog, because that would be just another bullshit statement to make everyone else feel better. And this Blog has never been about making other's feel better, though after reading some of the things I wrote, I think it made lots of people feel better, if nothing but to show that someone else is a bit dumber. So Hi Ho and away we go...again. Jason

I find this so funny, a few weeks later, and no one gives a shite about Swine Flu, just another thing to keep the humans scared and keep their attention off things that truly matter like a declaining world economy. I wonder what the new scare will be next week.Jason

I too was deeply moved by this simple yet beautiful piece dedicated to the memory of friend. I am a firm believer that through this life family members can come and go just like lovers, but friends truly are forever. Jason

I wondered where you were going with this from the title, what made this flash work was the final sentence. Bravo. Jason

Very funny and thought provoking at the same time...I like the bit about jerking it before dinner. Classic Jason

At first I thought it was a mis-direction, but then I realize it was Des, so I thought it could be exactly what I think it is about, and then at the end it was only dessert and tea. Beautiful Des. Jason (a bit hot and bothered by this harmless piece)

This is definately something new from Desilu, normally he doesn't shy away from describing the action in his narratives. But with this story, he realies more on feelings, capturing those moments of awakening, choosing restraint. And it could be innocent, though with Desilu it's probably not, just two boys settling into manhood. Very good. Jason

Powerfully moving into the bright light of the sun. What gut wrenching narrative, the bricks do become easier to lay as the years progress. Beautiful imagery. Jason

I first thought you had looked into my life and taken my own habits into your account. *shudders* Granted, lately the only satisfaction I've received is self induced. What a thoughtful and quite provoking flash? Not really a prose piece, almost like an essay, but it brings to life the lack of life so many humans on this planet must endure. Very cool. Jason

I really like this...the twist at the end or should I say the epiphany was masterfully written. Having Chris spout the running monologue punches home the realization of Terry with his last sentence declaration. I'll doff my hat to you. Jason

Camy packs quite a bit into a "haiku" like flash. Brilliantly written that gives much and offers so much more to reflect upon. Nicely nicely Emu. Jason

*shakes head* Banana custard *wipes mouth*I don't know what you're talking about.Jason :angel: