Graeme

I'll admit that I'm one of the beta-readers that dcorvus asked for sometime ago. Having said that, I still think it's an excellent story, and one that has been very well told. Well done! Graeme

Thank you, Codey. The news story made your poem come into focus. A sad story.... Graeme

This one has me confused. I can't understand the focus -- winter's child. I thought there may have been some mythological reference being alluded to, but if so, I've missed it. The best I've come up with is that "winter's child" is not one born in winter, but one born into an emotionally cold home. However, the imagery of "trapped between two worlds" doesn't seem to match that. Sorry, Codey. This poor, poetrically challenged Aussie surrenders on this one. Someone will have to explain it to me. Graeme

The flaw is not in the system, but in the judging. If you look, a lot of the scores are at the maximum. As any judge will tell you, that means that things can't be better than that. The top mark should occur very sparingly. Otherwise you do not give yourself scope for indicating that something else is even better in that area. I would suggest something along the lines of 4 being acceptable, 8 being good, and 10 being perfect. Work within that scale of things, and you might seem more variation in the markings. Graeme

The purpose of this thread is two-fold. To tell us of stories that have been told. And if you don't mind, and are ever so kind, to advertise our own skills, so bold. Leaves and Lunatics by EleCivil The young man named Cam is a real cad. Kissing Nathan while dating Clint, he had. Could Jill be a fan, of Andrew, the Man? Or is she looking at Jerry, the lad? The Adventures of Billy, A Kid by Codey A limerick to praise a poem, how quaint. Of equal quality, this just ain't. The story is bold. Least, that's how it's told. A beautiful picture, he did paint. Get a Clue by Codey A startling deserved slap in the face. For all of us who run in the race. It makes me ashamed, but I'm only to blame, that he's able to make a strong case. And for some advertising It's time for me to blow my own horn, A new story is about to be born. And so with no shame, I'm hoping for fame, but I expect that hope to die, all forlorn. Ambush by Graeme A young man doing deeds nefarious, The ethics may be quite precarious. Does he want to go and tell his bro no? Should he stop before it gets all too serious?

Blue, I told you before, family is more important than editting. I was happy to cop all the flak for any delay, until you opened your big mouth.... :x Seriously, take your time. All the readers are aware that real-life exists (at least I hope they do) and that sometimes other things take priority. You (and all the other editors out there) are doing all of us favour, by the work you do. You are not paid, and we can't expect that you abandon other things, just to "get that next chapter out quickly". Best wishes with everything, Graeme

FYI -- the medication is known as "good taste". Graeme

Unfortunately, most of the stories I like usually take hours, and lots of them, to read.... Re-using plot ideas and bad writing are not the same things, or even closely related. You are correct that at one level, there are very few new plot ideas being presented. However, it is not uncommon to come up with twists that give a feeling of originality or "newness" to an old idea. My simpliest example is New Brother. There is nothing really new in the plot. What I've done, which seems to be rare in this "genre", is to look at that same story from a point of view not normally considered. The plot is one that has been done a million times before (and given the number of posts on the internet, I don't think that is too much of an exaggaration), but the delivery is not. I have read stories on Nifty which I considered to be quite good ideas, but they were not delivered well. This is often either due to a lack of technical skill of the author (eg. confusing points of view, mixing tenses, or even simply poor grammar and/or punctuation), or because the author lost the "plot" and the story started to drift away into "just more of the same". Now, I better finish this post, or I'll run the risk of having it drift into "just more of the same" as well..... Graeme

Codey -- I want to second James' and Dude's comments. This is an outstanding piece. You're simply telling a powerful little story that makes the reader cringe at how often they'd done those things. Well done! Graeme

It may be semantics, but I believe what you are really saying is that you hate bad stories, not that you hate gay stories. Gay-themed or gay-centric stories can be very good reads. After all, drama, stress and conflict can make for interesting and entertaining reading. Coming out, the problems of forming a relationship in a heterosexual dominated world, and enduring homophobic reactions, are elements that can be used for writing great stories. These concepts, while having parallels in non-gay situations as well, have a unique spin for gay characters. Coming out: As Blue and Codey have indicated, disabled people endure a type of "coming out" every time they meet someone new. Relationships: There are still many places around the world where it can be hard to form relationships because the person is not of the same ethnicity as the community they live in. This is not just a "black/white" racial issue, but includes any racial, ethnic or even religious minority. Consider the caste system that exists in certain parts of the world. Reactions: See above for relationships, as the two are very much linked. However, the differences when considering gays, while sometimes subtle, can be quite dramatic. Simply the fact that sexual orientation is not something physically obvious makes it different to ethnic/racial similarities. With the option that the internet gives for everyone to become an author, it is easy to lose the good stories amongst the average, and sometimes outright bad, writings. Because there is no real moderation process at Nifty, everything gets lumped together. Is this the real problem? Graeme

Thank you, WBMS and RPnSoCal. I believe that answers my questions, both from a legal and practical point of view. As RPnSoCal alluded to, the internet complicates things considerably because of the issue of determining which countries laws will be applied, but the basic principles seem pretty clear. I've never been a great fan of quoting lyrics, but I recently had an idea where a song could have a strong part to play in the story plot, so I wanted to know what to do. I'll probably take the simple approach and leave it out, and implement the plot a different way. Graeme

I've read several stories where a copyright acknowledgment has been included because of the inclusion of song lyrics. What I'm not sure about is where the line needs to be drawn? For example: song, book and movie titles, one or two lines from a song? I've been assuming that mentioning something by title does not need a copyright acknowledgment, but I'm not sure if something is quoted from them, when a copyright acknowledgment should be included. Graeme

Surely there has to be ONE sane person who'll work out what really happened? What really amazes me is (a) the boy was turned in by his grandparents, and (b) the judge INCREASED the bail amount. Fanaticism gone mad.... :evil: Graeme

I thought of saying it was one of your better poems... but that would be a lie. Technically, I couldn't find any spelling mistakes, or words that seemed out of place, so from that point of view it was very well executed. However, it just didn't seem to have the emotional impact of your other work. Perhaps you can go back and work on it some more? Let us know when you have a revised version ready.... Graeme :-D

Take your time, Ben. Family is more important than any editing. Graeme

For the little that it's worth, I'd like to add my recommendation. The story is of good quality, and one that I think is important to be told. I'd like to see it here at AwesomeDude. I didn't say anything earlier, because it did need editing, but now that that is happening, I think it deserves serious consideration. Graeme

In my opinion the example is distorted because it's first person POV. That means that a lot of the narration can be considered to be the 'words' of the narrator, even when they are describing actions. Having said that, I think the actions of the narrator told us more about him than his spoken words, but his mental comments (ie. narration) told us more still. For Conner, it's confused. His actions, as implied by his words, told me the most about him. The request for a cell phone showed a good sense of responsibility, even though he'd gotten into the car with a stranger. However, the action was not described -- that information came from the words he said that implied the action. Separating words (meaning dialogue) and actions is not always easy. In many cases the two are so interlinked it's hard to say which is having the stronger impact. Often it is the combination of the two that makes it 'work'. One, without the other, will still have an impact, but combining the two creates an even stronger impression. All my own opinion, as always. Feel free to disagree.... Graeme

I apologise that the next chapter is a little late, but there is a little thing called real-life that sometimes interferes with the writing schedule.... The next chapter is on it's way. Please be patient.... Graeme

The only consistent criticism of New Brother that I receive is that of keeping track of who is who, because of the interchanging between nicknames and their real names. Would this be one of the exceptions you are talking about? This is a serious question, because I am thinking of adding a Dramatis Personae for exactly this reason. Graeme

I finally got around to reading it yesterday, and I will admit that it really upset me. Knowing that it was autobiographical in nature disturbed me considerably. The writing itself is very easy to read, and has a very natural feel to it. There were a few typos along the way, but as it hasn't been editted yet, that's understandable. The writing is great -- James certainly has a talent there -- but I'm having trouble relating to what he went through. It is just so far outside my experiences that I found it very upsetting. My initial reaction was that if the story ends up long enough, it will be publishable. Graeme

You have written quite a few good things (actually, I think everything of yours I've read is good to very good). Drama Club is just the big one because it's the longest and most complex one. As such, it's the one that people keep stumbling over and responding to. That doesn't mean that other stuff isn't appreciated. Graeme

So I managed to get something almost right.... Seriously, the only line that the meter variation stuck out on was the one with only five syllables -- the rest went past unnoticed when I first read it. Also, I can't write poetry so you're all one up on me. As for conjugating verbs -- I've never claimed to be able to do that, and I'm not sure it's legal in Australia. It sounds positively obscene.... Graeme :D

Hi, Codey, A nice, easy to read but thoughtful poem. If you don't mind, I'd like to offer a little criticism: 1. The second last stanza has snapshot misspelt. 2. The meter, while close, isn't consistent, and this jar with me when I read it. In particular, three of the five last lines have seven syllables, one has six and one has five. The one with five really stood out -- it jarred me out of the rythm of the words. Despite that -- a great poem! Just a little tightening up required. Graeme

I haven't done that many cliffhangers, so I just couldn't resist.... :-D Thanks, everyone! Graeme

I've already given you my feedback, but I'll start the ball rolling by repeating some of it here. For those who don't know, the ten chapters of Mechanics 101 were written first. The "Before Nigel" and "Just Passing Thru" are the most recent pieces. You have clearly improved over that time. I especially liked the narrative sections of "Before Nigel" and "JPT". I think your dialogue sections are a bit "thin" in that you are relying totally on the dialog to convey what is going on. A little bit of narration or extra description around it would make it stronger (in my opinion only). Graeme