Hi, I'm not much of a contributor to this thread, and I haven't even read all of it (sorry, I'm really running out of time, but I will indeed come back because from what I've read, [first page only], this is a very interesting topic), and everyone seems to bring out valid points.
For those who don't know me, I'm a writer. I saw Aaron from the mailcrew mention something interesting happening here, and his site brought me here. I know a lot of teens wish they had gay role models growing up. I really grew up with out one. But then again, I figured myself as someone with a good head on my shoulders, most of the time. I wasn't a perfect teen, hell, I'm in my last year as one. So I'm border line adult. Now given the choice as a teen if I wanted a gay role model, I would have said 'Why?'.
I know they really can shed some knowledge to the teens, but at that age, I could definitely remember not wanting to look up to anyone. I never had a role model. I didn't want to be like my parents (no matter how great they were), I wanted to be myself. The sense of individuality was very appealing to me.
And it wasn't until I was 17 when I decided to say, "Screw what people think, I'm living the way I want to." And I did that without any guidance. Now I did have support, so I guess my situation was a little different. I know the biggest fear for teens is rejection from those who are supposed to love them. Where do they go if they get the boot? My mom recently told me of a little girl she knew who got booted from her house because of something as trivial as going to a friend's party. She had permission from the mom, but not the dad. So when she asked to get picked up, he said don't come home. My mom told me detail by detail how the child had a breakdown. The girl was only 13.
There may be a reason to why teens need to hide they are gay. And if they think their parents will put them out, I say stay in the closet, use the parents for their money, then when you are old enough to support yourself, tell em. That might sound a bit cruel I know.
As for adult, I'm pretty sure people mentioned this fact, many adults are afraid to come out because it compromises their current situation. They might have kids, and a wife. I'm pretty sure the original poster didn't intend this, but what if someone did come out to their family and it tore them apart. The wife files for divorce and he can't see his kids? Is that martyrdom? Will a closeted gay teen think, "Damn that took some balls to do, I can come out now!"
Truth is, it isn't that simple. I hated getting advice to people. It made me feel weak. That's me though. I was always the one to be controlling of situations. If I wasn't in charge, I feared where things were headed (Mind you this doesn't apply to relationships. My significant other would easily whoop my ass if he needed to^^). As a teen growing up, if some gay guy tried to help me come out by tell me his successes of coming out, it would have no effect on me.
It's the way I am I think. I'm not at all involved in the gay community in any shape or form. I didn't join any clubs when I got to uni, nor do I go pubbing in downtown in the gay district. But I know so many people who do. And so far, most gay people I've met personally, like that kind of scene. They find nothing wrong with hooking up with a random person. But then again, most of their straight friends are too. When spring break hits, there is always random sex going on in places. Mexico, Cancun, all the college people go there to have fun and have random sex.
In this day and age, I don't think the problem is having the guts to come out anymore. Actually, more and more teens are coming out. A lot of my readers are teens, who have come out and that surprises me. I didn't actually accept myself as a gay guy until my last year in HS. And here I have teens saying they are out.
I never wanted my sexuality to define who I was. I'm gay, but it doesn't make me want to shout it out at the student center. There's a big difference in the years we live now than long ago when the adults were young. People are more educated. And thanks to media, homosexuality is a topic being more and more explored. It is also thanks to media, that teens think it's acceptable to sleep around. I think that's the bigger fear in these years.
Too many people having random hookups. People who don't want to be tied down. I've gotten a lot of criticism about my work where the characters have great relationships, but I'm also told they don't exist in the world. And that if they do, it's rare. Recently I met another gay guy my age. And based on our lifestyles we could never be friends. He thinks my concept of having a bf and my whole concept of love is overrated. He thinks there's nothing wrong with meeting a guy and fooling around. Then again, I know straight people, guys and girls who are the same. I can't live like that. And I don't look down on that at all. It's their life, who am I to judge?
But is that all due to lack of role models? I doubt it. My parents are the best role models anyone can ask for, and I still remember not wanting to be like them. Which for some people might be weird, because they are successful people who are happy. But it might just be the concept of being my own person.
What I really like is Brew's concept he developed in the Mashburn/Foley stories. Kyle knows he's gay, but only gay to Tim. I think that's a very safe concept to work with. Because I feel like I probably could marry a girl and have kids, but I don't want to. Some people do, and I find nothing wrong with that. Some people might, but what others think is irrelevant to what you think. No one can possibly truly understand someone's point of view.
I know I may have contradicted myself once or twice in this, but meh. I felt like it was something I should say. Role models may be good, but I grew up great without one. The only advice I took from my parents was, "Make whatever choice you want. But be sure to live up to the consequences as well." All through my life I think I based my decisions on that.
I know I bring a lot into the topic, some which is irrelevant, but that's what you get from someone like me^^ I'm not the best at organizing my thoughts onto paper. Blame it on my choice of profession.
cheerz
Ry^!