Jump to content
Registering As A Forum User? Read This Important Message!
Help Keep AwesomeDude Online! Donate Here.

EleCivil

AD Author
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    838

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    1

 Content Type 

Blog Entries posted by EleCivil

  1. EleCivil
    I swear, Ohio sucks at holding elections. We just make it hard on ourselves every single time. Miscounted votes, glitchy machines, too-close-to-call margins, extensions, and now running out of ballots at polling sites? Jeez.
    A friend of mine (a registered independent) was actually told that he wasn't allowed to vote, even though it's an open primary. He argued with the poll worker for over an hour before he gave up and found another polling site. You know, one where the workers read the newspaper. Or watch the news. Or glance at the "How To Work a Polling Site" brochure. He's wonky...er, devoted enough to drive around the city looking for a place where they'll let him vote - I've got to wonder how many independent voters just gave up, instead.
    We Ohioans sure do screw up the democratic process. Er, no, wait. I mean, we make democracy more sporting than those other states. On purpose. Yeah, that's how we roll.
    Also, I found out that my mom's boss snuck into the VIP section of a Hillary campaign speech the other day. Secret Service and assorted security teams wouldn't let her in, but then she noticed that the people in the VIP section all had drinks, so she grabbed a drink from a nearby tray and strolled in as though she belonged. She turned to the nearest group and said something like "Hey, I forgot to bring my sign. Anybody have a spare?". One of them gave her a sign to hold - only later did she actually look at it and realize that it said, in huge letters, "HOMOS FOR HILLARY". After a few minutes, Secret Service guys escorted her out of the VIP section (back to hang with the rest of the proles, I guess). Oh, this speech was in my old high school's gym, by the way. It was weird to think that a presidential candidate was speaking in the room where I once hurled a beach ball at a teacher and called him a fascist (ah, the good old days). It seems...strangely fitting, actually.
    And if you were wondering, I did go out to vote. I was the first ballot cast in my district, in fact. That and three-fifty will buy me a gallon of gas. Hey.
    "If a person uses a non-offensive vocabulary,
    That person is CONSIDERATE, not 'PC'.
    If a person has a heavy-handed agenda,
    That person is NARROW-MINDED, not 'PC'.
    In fact, unless you mean Providence College, 'PC'
    Is as meaningless as the president's apology for slavery."


    "Anarchist Bookstore (Part One)" by MC Paul Barman


  2. EleCivil
    Leviathan Rusts
    Everyday Adventures of a Social Misanthropologist
    ...
    ?I love you the way I love the efficient digestive system of the invasive zebra mussel."
    ...
    ?Rent?s due. I need it in my hand by sunset, or I kick your ass to the curb, then back in here, then back out to the curb, again. Why??
    ?Because you?re just that hardcore."
    ...
    "A guy doesn?t get any?relief?for as long as you, and he ends up simultaneously mounting and head-butting a Coke machine out of sheer frustration. It's the first corollary to Moron Theory. And you?re far too dignified for that."
    ...
    May is one long, full-scale taunt of a month. Simply calling its name forces thoughts of uncertainty. Will the weather be decent, today? It May. It fluctuates from violent to peaceful, from overcast and deathly quiet to glaring and buzzing with yellow jackets, all pollen-drunk and petal-blind. So goes the mood of its human inhabitants, equally flower-gorged. Equally beauty-stricken. Equally surprised by the sunbeams stretching for their hibernating eyes.
    ...
    December 2009


  3. EleCivil
    This has nothing to do with anything, but I thought it was a funny story.
    The other day, a friend and I were having a contest to see who could do their taxes fastest (nerd race!). He pulled ahead, so I shouted "Matt Lauer! You got me."
    He pauses and looks up. "What'd you just say?"
    "...You got me?"
    "No, the first part. Matt Lauer?"
    "Yeah, the guy from the Today Show."
    "I know who he is. Did you seriously just use his name as an interjection?"
    I nod. "Yeah. I like to think of it as 'taking the Lauer's name in vain.'"
    "You make so little sense sometimes, that when you talk...it's like one of Modest Mouse's early albums is playing."
    "Thanks."
    "That was an insult."
    "Aw, Matt Lauer."
    "You ain't machines and you ain't land,
    And the plants and the animals, they are linked,
    And the plants and the animals eat each other.
    Oh my God and oh my cat."


    -"Never Ending Math Equation" by Modest Mouse


  4. EleCivil

    American Dream

    By EleCivil,

    So, this guy asked me to write an intro to his paper on The Great Gatsby for him. I've never read the book, but I did it anyway. Here's what I gave him:
    It all started in 1942, when Private Johnny "Slick Hips" Gatsby of the 142nd Armored Tank Division awoke in his barracks and said "What this war needs is a little soul, see?" He immediately began dismantling the weapons and turning them into jazz instruments. The German war machine stood no chance against the funky acid tunes and swinging mid-tempo beats of Johnny Gatsby and his jazz band of brothers. After vanquishing the threat of the Axis, Johnny and three of his best friends, Georgie, Paulie, and Ringo, went on to form another popular band known as "The Beach Boys." The Great Gastby is F. Scott Fitzgerald's legendary chronicling of The Beach Boys' rise to fame and eventual fall from glory.
    Now, he doesn't believe a word of it, of course, but he says he'll use it anyway, because his instructor has a sense of humor. Plus, he's going to cite me as a source. I believe it's the first time I've ever been immortalized in MLA format.
    "Rappers say the darndest things
    That you'll ever hear
    Like 'I'm edgy' and 'I'm risque'
    And I say 'Better luck next year.'"


    -"Avantcore" by Busdriver


  5. EleCivil

    Avast.

    By EleCivil,

    After a lot of wranglin' with the financial aid office, I managed to tap into some more grants and scholarships. $12,000 worth, for my 4th year of college (4th year already? Jeez...). I'm almost going for free, now. Awwwwright.
    Last night, a friend and I dressed up in full pirate gear to go see Pirates of the Caribbean 3. At the last minute, though, we decided to see Knocked Up instead. We didn't change, though - we figured it'd be even funnier to be dressed as pirates that want to see a Judd Apatow movie than pirates who want to see a pirate movie. It was really good, by the way. Seth Rogan has always been my favorite of Apatow's regulars, all the way back to Freaks and Geeks, so I was glad to see him get a lead role.
    There's plans for a Guitar Hero party, soon. Everyone's going to dress as a different musician. I've heard people planning for Elvis, Gene Simmons, Kurt Cobain, John Lennon, and Claudio Sanchez. I've already got an Ian MacKaye costume planned, even though nobody there is going to know who Ian MacKaye is (philistines). I'll have to DIY a t-shirt with the lyrics to "Out of Step" on it.
    "I Don't smoke,
    Don't drink,
    Don't fuck,
    At least I can fucking think!"


    -"Out of Step (with the World)" by Minor Threat


  6. EleCivil
    I got my Praxis scores back:
    Reading - 186 out of 190
    Math - 182 out of 190
    Writing - 182 out of 190
    Passed!
    I was hanging out with some friends the other night, playing some Geometry Wars. We're all really competitive with each other, so it's the perfect game for us. It was my turn, so I went to sit on the couch. There was one other guy on the couch, and he was sitting right in the middle, so I had to squeeze in next to him. I turn to him and say "Move over a bit, man, this is awkward." He grins and moves over, but toward me instead of away from me. So now he's full-on leaning against me, trying to make me feel uncomfortable. I think to myself "Oh yeah? I'll show him who's uncomfortable!" so I drop an arm around his shoulders. At this point, the other guy in the room sees that we've started an Awkward Moment Contest, and joins in - he runs over and sits on my lap. So to one-up him, I rest my other hand on his thigh.
    One of them finally says, "You know, seeing as we're all way too competitive for our own good, we shouldn't play this game. Knowing us, it could actually progress to one of us fucking the other one, shouting 'Hey, this is so wacky! I bet I'm making you feel uncomfortable right now!'. And then the third one's going to want to top that, somehow, and it'd turn into a real life Aristocrats joke before any of us would give up." We recognized that he was probably right, so we broke it up and went back to Geometry Wars.
    "Some say monsters died out before I was ever born,
    But I think they're still around now, so could you please walk me home?
    'Cause they're tearin' tearin' tearin' through the streets now,
    And tearing's never as good as I recall."


    -"I Know Monsters Well" by Punkin' Pie


  7. EleCivil

    Awkwardness

    By EleCivil,

    Today, I was studying for a final and putting together a professional development portfolio. At the same time, I was doing laundry. I'm a laundry procrastinator - I wait until ALL of my clothes are dirty before washing. The problem being, I've got no clothes to wear while the rest are in the wash.
    So, I'm working frantically, pulling papers from all over to put this portfolio together, all the while trying to weigh them down so that the fan doesn't blow them away, because it's 90 degrees inside the house and we've got no air conditioning. I'm wearing a pair of purple boxers and my bones shirt - a black shirt with a glow-in-the-dark ribcage on it that I used for part of a Halloween costume back in 3rd grade - when I hear a knock at the door.
    I'm thinking of just ducking under the window and pretending I'm not home, but then I remember that I was supposed to sign for some deliveries, and that might be them.
    I open up the door, and it's my former roommate. He looks me up and down, says "Huh," and shrugs.
    I say, "Man, I'm glad it's you, or this could've been awkward."
    He shakes his head. "No, no, it's plenty awkward on this end."
    "We lived together for a year and a half. How are you not used to this?"
    "It's not the boxers. It's the purple."
    "Really?"
    "The purple...I keep seeing it out of the corner of my eye, and, I don't know, my brain says 'Hey, purple? What's that?' and then my eyes are like 'Oh, we'd better check it out!' and then I'm thinking 'No, no, don't look at his crotch,' but by then it's too late!"
    "...Well, now you've gone and made it awkward."
    "I try."
    "He was the roommate from hell! His name was Lucifer.
    Someone call the priest, bring the crucifer.
    He was the roommate from hell! Leaves his pitchfork in my bed.
    I'm in a Satanic panic 'cause he is messin' with my head!"


    -"Roommate from Hell" by MC Lars (ft. MC Chris)


  8. EleCivil
    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/1jSgODkRTsg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    School's back in session!
    This will be my first year as an administrator. Who's the boss? I'm the boss! Hahahaha! I'm going to make all the teachers wear mismatched socks and learn to juggle! I'm gonna kick down classroom doors and attack classes with Silly String! My reign of zany, zany terror begins now!
    ...Okay, not really. But I did just spend the past couple weeks training the new teachers and helping them set up their rooms.
    I'm so excited to see my students again!
    ...I suppose I could go back to school Rodney Dangerfield style, but unfortunately, I still don't think I'll be able to meet Vonnegut.
    <iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/tQnAhSzb4gY?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    ...So it goes.
  9. EleCivil

    Black Friday (HLS pt. 2)

    By EleCivil,

    Second day on the Holiday Loser Squad. This time, it's me (security), a linehaul trucker (older dude with a bushy grey beard), and a dock worker (thirty-ish guy with lots of tattoos).
    So, I'm walking the parimiter, locking things up and such, and, thanks to listening to that Taj Motel Trio CD so much, I've got a song in my head - their cover of "My Girl" by The Temptations. Without realizing it, I start whistling.
    As I walk past where the others are standing, the linehauler starts singing the bassline - "bum, duh-duh-duh-duh-duh, bum...", and starts walking next to me. The dock worker follows.
    He does the bassline a few times, and when I catch on to what he's doing, I join in with "I got sunshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine....on a cloudy daaaaaay. When it's cold outsiiiiiiiiiiiide...IIIIII got the month of Maaaaaay...."
    The dock worker joins in: "I guess you'll say...what could make me feel this way?"
    All three: "My girl!" "My girl!" "My girl!" "Talkin' 'bout myyyyy giiiiirl..." "My girl!"
    So we keep going until the song's over. Yes, we all knew it - when you live this close to Mo-Town, you pretty much have to. So, there we are, three tone-deaf white guys, belting out a Temptations song in an off-key attempt at three-part harmony (with occasional call-backs and improvisation).
    We finish the song, go our separate ways, and never mention it.
    Remember when I said that yesterday was the most fun I'd had at work? I think today just topped it. Once again, thank you, Taj Motel Trio.
    "I've got so much honey,
    The bees envy me.
    I've got a sweeter song, baby,
    Than the birds in the trees."


    -"My Girl" by The Temptations


  10. EleCivil

    Block = Broke

    By EleCivil,

    Ever seen the Chevy Chase movie "Funny Farm"? There's a scene where he sits down at his typewriter to start work on his novel. He types the word "The" and then stares at it for a while. That's where I've been for the last couple months. I'd carve out some time in my schedule for writing, sit down at the keyboard, and write "The".
    Well, yesterday, I wrote seven pages all in one shot. I'm hoping to finish out the chapter today (no promises, of course).
    So, who gets the credit for breaking my writer's block?
    WriteByMySelf. Yesterday, I read Alone With Myself for the first time. Whoa. I know WBMS reads this, so I'll just say it here: That was incredible. If that was published tomorrow, I'd go out and buy the hardcover version, just because it deserves a space on my bookcase (and that's valuable real estate). Seriously, if there's anyone reading this who hasn't read AWMS yet, go do it!
    Immediately after finishing it, I pulled out the ol' Horseless Typewriter (laptop) and hammered out half a chapter. Ever have that happen, where you read something that's so good that it makes you want to write?
    ---
    On another note, I found a chunk of a really old draft of Laika. Not the first draft (which was written in third person), but close. Back then, Dixie was a guy, and I was planning on him being the main love-interest (Nick hadn't been...uh..."conceived" yet). Consider it a "deleted scene". It's nothing special, but I thought it was kind of cool to look back on what I was originally planning, compared to how things turned out.
    "I gave hip hop to white boys when nobody was lookin'.
    They found it locked in a basement when they gentrified Brooklyn.
    I left a list of instructions, an MPC and a mic,
    My sci-fi library, and utensils to write."

    -"Grippo" by Saul Williams


  11. EleCivil

    Brakes = Broke

    By EleCivil,

    This is an older (true) story, from when I was in high school. I was 16 at the time. I was thinking about it as I was driving home this morning, and thought that you guys would appreciate it.
    I was driving to school in my Dad's Cadillac. It was a piece of junk - older than I was, on it's 5th or 6th owner, beaten all to hell, but I was 16, so I thought it was awesome. It was raining heavily. I was going up this huge hill when my brakes cut out. Mind you, I didn't notice that the breaks were out until I was on my way DOWN said hill at 50 miles per hour. At first I thought I must have driven through a puddle, so I started pumping the brakes. When that didn't work, I hit the emergency brake. That did nothing. As Mitch Hedberg once said, "It shouldn't be called an Emergency Brake. It should be called an Emergency Make-The-Car-Smell-Funny Lever."
    I'd never used emergency brakes before, so I figure, hey, maybe THOSE need pumping, too. So, now each leg is pumping. Because of the position of the emergency brake, I have to rise slightly from my seat in order to pump it. Now, pumping both legs while in a half-squat position, semi-restrained by a seatbelt, results in a series of repeated, rhythmic hip-thrusts. I don't know if you've ever seen someone thrusting their hips while hanging off of a steering wheel, screaming obscenities with a wild look in their eyes, but let me tell you...it looks a lot like they're making violent, passionate love to their steering column.
    I noticed that I was coming up on a red light, with other cars already stopped, so I moved into the turning lane and started blasting my horn. Keep in mind, I'm too terrified to take my hands off of the wheel, so, yes, I had to hit the horn with my hips. Now it not only looks like I'm engaging in intercourse with my steering column, but it sounds like it's enjoying it.
    As I roll through the red light, thrusting, screaming, and hump-honking, I can only imagine what the people lined up at the red light are thinking as they look over and see me. I have visions of old people shaking their heads in disgust, turning to their passengers, and saying "Damned crazy teens."
    I keep this up for a while before I finally realize that all the pumping isn't getting me anywhere (with the brakes, that is), so I say "Hell with it, this car's toast, anyway," and throw on the parking brake just as I take a turn into a parking lot. There's a huge THUMP sound and the tires squeal. Smoke comes pouring out from under the hood as I jerk to a sharp stop, with one last full-body thrust against my seatbelt. I fall back against my seat, sucking in air, and considering my position and feelings of mixed exhilaration and relief, I'm forced to wonder for the first (and possibly last) time in my life...did...did I just fuck a Cadillac?
    "Rejoice! Although this world will probably hurt you.
    Rejoice! Despite the fact this world will kill you!
    And rejoice! Despite the fact this world will tear you to shreds...
    Rejoice! Because you're trying your best!"


    -"Rejoice!" by Andrew Jackson Jihad


  12. EleCivil
    Test results, today. Bad news - I'm gonna keep on tickin', so it looks like I'll have to actually do that pile of homework that's been building up next to...that other pile of homework that's been building up.
    The doc says I'm good. Apparently, the chest pain was left over inflammation from that case of e-Syph...er, strep, that I'd had earlier. The arrhythmia is harmless. All it does is make my pulse speed up and slow down a little at random intervals, rather than holding a steady beat.
    That's right. My heart's a nonconformist. It pulsates to the beat of it's own...um, beat.
    ...Should have seen that one coming, actually.
    "A rebel's embrace shall give us a taste
    Of truth that is masked by a sly poker face.
    A spirit is well and alive...
    Live and we will survive."


    "A Rebel's Romance" by Mischief Brew


  13. EleCivil
    So, I got out of school last week. Looks like I'm still maintaining a 4.0.
    I started summer semester this week. I need to take five classes over the summer and 5 over the fall to graduate on schedule. I've never taken a full load over the summer, before. It's insane. All the summer classes are accelerated - a whole semester's worth of work, compressed into ten weeks. Papers and projects and gobs of reading due every day. One of my classes is double-accelerated - two four hour long classes a week, with all the work squeezed into five weeks. Matt Lauer, it's the first week, and I'm already behind on work.
    My summer classes:
    Theoretical Approaches to Reading and Writing
    Teaching Reading Through Literature to Young Adolescents
    Integration of the Arts in Education
    Introduction to Theological Studies
    Spanish Guitar 2
    Heh. You can tell I'm nearing the end of my degree - most of the classes have really long names.
    Also, on the chest-bursting front, I went in to get an EKG. As I'm checking in, they ask for my religious preference. In case I need a quick funeral or something, I guess. I tell them I'm a Druid (reformed, not orthodox).
    Some samples of dialog from the preparations leading up to the event, as I was lying nearly nude across a table:
    Nurse: "You look kind of tense." (*squirts goo all over my chest and begins to stick electrodes to me*)
    Me: "I don't do this very often."
    Nurse: "I do!"
    Me: "Is it more fun on your end?"
    Nurse: "Oh, yes. Hey, your ribs are too bony, I can't get this thing to stick. Speaking of which, when I take these off, it's going to rip out a bunch of your leg hair."
    Me: "...Neat."
    Then they get to the actual EKG part. It's the same technology used for ultrasounds, to see babies while they're inside the womb. Which gives credence to my "incubating an alien" theory, I think. Anyway, they stick this dealie to my chest, and I can see my heart on the screen. It's incredibly detailed - I can see all the little valves opening and closing, the different parts pumping and flexing. The sound is amplified, too, so I'm clearly hearing the funny "squish-POP-thump" and thinking "Holy hell, that's the thing that's keeping me alive."
    Weird experience, over all. I get to find out the test results next Friday.
    "And hearts aren't made of glass,
    They're made of muscle, blood, and something else.
    And they don't so much as break as bend and tear,
    But we have what it takes to keep it together."


    "Bikes and Bridges" by Defiance, Ohio


  14. EleCivil

    Brokenhearted.

    By EleCivil,

    Just got back from the doctor. Turns out I'm having some heart arrhythmia, and they can't figure out why. I'm due for an EKG on Wednesday.
    The last couple days, I've had to pop some aspirins to stop the chest pain it's been giving me. Those things thinned out my blood, so I can't stop bleeding from where I nicked myself shaving (and from the hole they punched through my arm to give me the ol' Transylvania treatment) . Now I'm covered in band-aids - it looks like I lost a Camp Sissyboy Slap-n-Scratch Fight ™.
    So, what's the deal? I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't eat meat, I work out regularly...why's my heart feel like it's gonna explode outta my chest, Alien-style?
    ...OF COURSE!
    That's it. It's an alien. Obviously, a hostile life form has chosen my chest as a place to cocoon itself while it matures from its pupal stage to its adult form, upon which time it will burst out, grab a top hat and cane, and sing "Hello, My Baby".
    I seem to have nothing but trouble with extraterrestrials. It's always "chest-bursting" this, or "death ray" that, or "To Serve Man...it's a cookbook!". Never met one who just wants me to draw a picture of a sheep (or a python digesting an elephant). Lame.
  15. EleCivil
    No one told me that when, over the course of 23 years, you accumulate roughly eight metric assloads of books, you eventually have to MOVE eight metric assloads of books. To a third floor apartment. With no elevator.
    Sweet Fancy Moses, this is gonna take forever.

    Yes, those are all books.


    But on the plus side...I've got a lot of books.
    Also, I've got a new place that's fairly close to my new job. Best thing about the new place? I can finally get broadband access. Up until now, I've been scraping by on my gas-powered 56k connection.
    "Our aspirations are wrapped up in books,
    Our inclinations are hidden in looks."


    "Wrapped Up in Books" by Belle and Sebastian


  16. EleCivil

    Car crash.

    By EleCivil,

    I got into a car accident today.
    It's weird the way these things work out. I had just gotten out of class (RST244: Great Religions of the East) and since I'm a bit of a gym rat, I was going to go work out for a while to unwind. But, for some reason, I decided that I'd do my homework first. This is weird, because I never do my homework first, being the self-proclaimed Mayor of Procrastinationville. I take about an hour to do the homework, then get my stuff together and drive off in the direction of the gym.
    I'm going through an intersection when this huge tank of a van (a corporate vehicle for a local catering company) runs a red light and nails my rear passenger-side door. I spin out into the middle of the street - at least one and a half times around, because I ended up facing the way I came. The back window shattered, throwing a bunch of glass up into the front seat with me. I was shocked that no one else got hit, considering the wild, twisting path that I was propelled into taking.
    Anyway, the woman driving the van was really cool about it - she admitted it was completely her fault, and told the police the same thing. Apparently, she was trying to stop, but her foot slipped off the brake and she just barrelled through.
    Insurance is going to cover all of it, and nobody got hurt, but DAMN did I get rammed. Of course, like a good blogger, I got pictures:


    The part that really sucks is that my two all-time favorite CDs were in the CD player at the time, and because of the damage caused by the jolt, they're stuck in there for good. I've got them backed up as .MP3s, and that band gives their songs away for free anyway, and the CDs themselves are only five bucks each, but still...I bought those when I went to see them live. I drove hours to get to that show. It was the best one I've ever seen, and it was actually what inspired me to write Laika. I'm gonna miss those.
    Anyway, I wasn't hurt, she wasn't hurt, so I'm not upset. The insurance guys are being really awesome about it, too. Going to take the car in tomorrow (well...have it towed in, actually - the body of the car is mashed up against the tire, so it won't spin), and walk to work for the next few days. But I've got a coat, so everything's cool.
    The weird thing is, if I had decided to go to the gym right away instead of stopping to do homework first, this wouldn't have happened. This is, possibly, the one day in my entire life that I decided not to procrastinate, and look what happened.
    There you go, guys. The moral of the story is: Put things off until the last minute, or the Giant Catering Van of Death will descend from the sky like a Mothra Faulkner and smash the hell out of your car.
    "Next time I'll try for the first time in my life.
    It won't pass me by. Procrastinate! It can wait!
    I put it off. Let's start today!"


    -"Start Today" by Gorilla Biscuits


    ...y'know, I think that's the third time I've used Gorilla Biscuits lyrics at the end of one of these posts. That puts them in the lead.
  17. EleCivil

    Christmastoberfest

    By EleCivil,

    "Haji was a punk
    Just like any other boy
    And he never had no trouble
    'Til he started up his oi band
    Safe in the garage
    Or singing in the tub
    Till Haji went too far
    And he plugged in at the pub.
    'Twas a cold Christmas Eve
    When Trevor and the skins
    Popped in for a pint
    And to nick a bag of crisps
    Trevor liked the music
    But not the unity
    He unwound Haji's turban
    And he knocked him to his knees.
    If god came down on Christmas Day
    I know exactly what he'd say
    He'd say "Oi to the punks and Oi to the skins
    But Oi to the world and everybody wins!"
    Haji was a bloody mess
    He ran out thru the crowd
    He said "We'll meet again,
    We are bloody, yet unbowed"
    Trevor called his bluff
    And told him where to meet
    Christmas day on the roof
    Down at 20 Oxford street
    If god came down on Christmas Day
    I know exactly what he'd say
    He'd say "Oi to the punks and Oi to the skins
    But Oi to the world and everybody wins!"
    On the roof with the nunchucks
    Trevor broke a lot of bones
    But Haji had a sword like that guy in Indiana Jones
    Police sirens wailing,
    A bloody dying man
    Haji was alone
    And abandoned by his band
    Trevor was there fading
    And still so full of hate
    When the skins left him there
    And went down the fire escape (Oi! Oi!)
    But then Haji saw the north star shining more then ever
    So he made a tourniquet from his turban, saving Trevor
    Then repelled down the roof
    With the rest of the turban
    And went back to the pub
    Where they bought each other bourbon
    If god came down on Christmas Day
    I know exactly what he'd say
    He'd say "Oi to the punks and Oi to the skins
    But Oi to the world and everybody wins!"
    If god came down on Christmas Day
    I know exactly what he'd say
    He'd say "Oi to the punks and Oi to the skins
    But Oi to the world and everybody wins!" "


    -"Oi to the World" by The Vandals


  18. EleCivil

    Currentlies.

    By EleCivil,

    Haven't updated the blog in a while, so here's what's going on in a convenient list format:
    Currently on: Spring break
    Currently reading: That Thou Art: Teachings of the Upanishads by Ramakrishna (the "secret teachings" of Hinduism); Snow Crash by Stephenson.
    Currently playing: Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney - Justice for All.
    Currently writing: Laika, Chapter 14; Untitled Short Story; Overlight Strays, Chapter 1 (Yes, a new novel...but don't expect to be seeing it any time soon.)
    Currently listening: "Mutiny!" by Set Your Goals; "Plays Pretty for Baby" by The Nation of Ulysses; "Plays Ugly for Suckers" by The Yah Mos Def.
    Currently looking forward to: Student-teaching (next week), the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie (going with a friend on opening night).
    Currently NOT looking forward to: Mid-term exams, wearing "professional" clothes for student-teaching (they can take my ratty jeans and untucked shirts, but they'll never take my FREEDOM!...that is to say, my mismatched socks.)
    Currently watching: The promotional search-lights from all the nearby adult stores and strip clubs sweeping across the overcast night sky, reminding us all that we live in a red light district. Seriously, this neighborhood's got so much porno per capita that it's actually reasonable to measure it in terms of per capita.
    Currently typing: While standing on one foot and whistling "We Shall Not be Moved".
    Hi-ho.
  19. EleCivil
    This is going to be hard to write down, but I've got to get it off my chest. It's probably going to be tough to reply to it, too, so I won't hold it against anybody if you'd prefer not to.
    My dad's dying. Every male in my family tends to die young - my grandfather died at forty, my uncle died at thirty-five, my great-uncle died at fifty, and now my dad is dying at fifty.
    He's got two fatal respiratory diseases - lung cancer and pulmonary fibrosis. He's lost 70% of his lung capacity, relies on machines to help him breathe.
    My parents are living paycheck-to-paycheck. They have been for...well, forever. They've never had enough money to save any of it. A good 75% of their income comes from my dad's pay. And now he can't work any more. Problem is, he can't get on disability for 4-18 months, depending on how long the government takes.
    My dad tried to cash in his IRA retirement fund, to hold them over until either disability or life insurance kicks in, but they wouldn't let him. You have to meet certain standards to be able to cash it in early. They said that you had to be facing certain "hardships" to be able to do that. Two fatal diseases isn't "hardship" enough for them. They mean rich-man's "hardships" like buying your first house. We've never had the kind of money to even consider buying a house.
    So now I'm back home. In order for my family to survive, I've got to drop out of school, get a full time job, and become head of the household.
    My Dad's already said that he's not going to get chemo or radiation therapy - my mom would have to quit HER job in order to drive him to the hospital all the time, and then, even with me working full time, we wouldn't have enough money to scrape by. So he's decided to let it kill him, because he just doesn't have the money needed to live.
    I always thought I could beat the system - be the success story, the trailer park kid who, by studying hard and working three jobs and scholarshipping through college, could break out of the cycle of generations of poverty and finally BE something. I don't want to get to the top - I'm not looking for riches and fame. I just want to be a teacher. I'm GOOD at that. But the system doesn't let go that easily.
    So it goes. I've been working hard, so now I'll work harder. The system has me, but I won't let it break me. Things are stacked to keep everyone in their place, but I've got to prove that it doesn't have to be that way. I've got to, because...what else is there to do?
  20. EleCivil

    Ear-ly in the mornin'.

    By EleCivil,

    A friend of mine recently joined the Navy. He was in town the other day, so we (and a couple others) went out to a karaoke bar to hang out. Now, for as long as I've known him, he's always thought that it would be hilarious to get the whole group together and perform a boy band song on stage. The rest of us figured, hey, the dude's home from the Navy - we ought to indulge him. This was the day it was going to go down.
    So, we get a turn, and saunter up to the stage. He's already close to falling-down drunk (and he's completely tone-deaf even when he's not), so we know how great we're going to sound.
    As I'm stepping onto the stage, he bumps into me, and I bite my tongue. Hard. Like, broken skin hard. Honestly, it felt like I just bit off half of my tongue. It hurts like hell, but, hey - the show must go on.
    We get up there, and we pick the song "Bye Bye Bye" by *NSync. It was popular when we were in middle school, so we all knew it. The music starts, and I open my mouth and begin singing.
    There's a gasp from the audience, and in a few seconds I know why. No, it wasn't because we all suck at singing (though we do). It's because there's blood pouring from my mouth, dribbling down my chin in fairly large quantities. Needless to say, I also sounded goofy as hell, because the whole of my tongue was nearly numb with pain.
    In short, it may have been the most violent performance of an *NSync song, ever.
    A few hours later, as we're getting ready to go home, we notice that our Naval friend is missing in action. One guy goes to the restroom to see if he's in there. He comes back, laughing, and says "He's in there puking his guts out into a urinal, because some guys are smoking up in the stall."
    He stumbles back to the table, puts his head down, and stays in that position for the rest of the night. People at the table behind us entertain themselves by trying to bounce quarters into his exposed plumber's crack.
    Being sober, and therefore the designated driver, I carry him out to my car, Bride-of-Frankenstein style. Now, he hasn't been in town for quite some time, so I don't know where he's staying, and he's in no condition to tell me. Hell, he's in no position to point. I glance at the clock and see that it's two in the morning, and I think to myself:
    "What DO you do with a drunken sailor,
    Ear-ly in the mornin'?"
    I considered dropping him off on his grandmother's lawn. She lives close to me, so it was convenient, and it had the added bonus of making for a rather amusing story when he woke up. I decided it was a bit too cold to be leaving him on the lawn, however, and he ended up spending the night in my bathtub (because he wasn't getting anywhere near any carpets or furniture, heh).
    The next morning, he said "Man, that really sucked, but you know the worst part? We never got a chance to sing. That would have been funny."
    "We did." I replied.
    "What? Awww, I can't remember it!" He groans, gripping his head. "Were we good?"
    "There wath a lot of blood." I shrugged.
    "Oh. Cool." He says, looking rather confused. "Wait...why do you have a lisp, now?"
    "Becauthe the front forth of my tongue ith gone."
    "...Oh. Damn, I missed a lot."
    (Actually, most of my tongue is still there. It's just got a giant scab across the front. My whole mouth tastes like pennies.)
    "OH FUCK, MY TONGUE!
    WHERE'TH THE RETHT OF MY TONGUE!?"


    "Bye Bye Bye" by *NSync


  21. EleCivil

    EC on TV

    By EleCivil,

    I tend to go to the gym in the morning. This is because I, in general, run on two speeds - Stoic and Ridonkulous - and running a few miles or lifting until my muscles give out is the quickest way to shift out of Ridonkulous mode in preparation for work/school.
    It's usually pretty empty in the mornings. Today, though, it was busy. Turns out they were using it as a set for some kind of fitness video. As I was leaving the locker room after suiting up, one of the trainers grabbed me and said "Hey, want to be in my video?" I shrugged and said "Sure." They had me run around a bit, then had the trainer run up next to me, at which point I turned to her, smiled, and gave her a "friendly nod of recognition". At which point, I maintained speed and she ran off ahead of me, and shouted "I win!" and I laughed and did a kind of "defeated, but a good sport" shrug. Later, they had me pose/flex for the camera, wearing a plastic construction worker hardhat (with the words "Body Built At [gym name]" on it) for some reason. I guess because construction workers always wear their hardhats when they work out. And I suppose they think that construction workers are manlier than philosophy tutors like me. Personally, I think having a random dude posing with a copy of Man's Search for Meaning or something woulda been way more badass. And less Village People-ish. But I guess that's why I'm not a marketer.
    So, if you happen to buy a low-production, most likely shady fitness video from some late-night infomercial and see a confused-looking construction worker, that might be me. Heh.
    Oh, also, I hope everyone remembered to celebrate Time Travel Day on Sunday. There's only two days a year that you get to travel through time, so take advantage of it!
    "I hated gym, 'cuz I never was athletic.
    I played a couple sports just to keep it copasetic,
    But I found more in computers than I ever could in hoopin' -
    Every time I wrote a goto, bitch, I had that baby loopin'!"


    "Meganerd" by YTCracker


  22. EleCivil
    Wow, it's been a while since I've written anything in here, huh?
    Well, I've got a fairly good excuse, this time - with my commute added in, I'm working about 13 hours every day. For no money. In fact, I'm paying about 10k for the privilege of working 13 hour days. That's right - I'm student-teaching.
    I've already finished up with my stint as a language arts teacher. Right now, I'm teaching science. Starting on Monday, I'll be teaching not only general science, but for one hour a day I'll be teaching forensic science - crime scene investigation stuff, like DNA fingerprinting, blood spatter analysis, and fingerprint lifting. This means that I get to stage crime scenes around the school, drawing chalk outlines and leaving bloody footprints and such. Fun, but it doubles my workload. I'm looking at 14-15 hour days, now. My 8 hour shifts on the weekends are like a vacation. I'm pretty much a coffee-fueled zombie.
    For more of my wacky, school-related adventures, check out the thread "8th grade is more exciting the second time." at Codey's World.
    ---
    A pothole ate one of my tires, the other day. Actually, not just the tire - the entire wheel was mashed to oblivion. I couldn't even change it - I had to call AAA, who actually had to chip away the old wheel with a chisel. The pothole had to have been at least five inches deep, and it stretched across an entire lane of a two-lane road - there was no way to avoid it. AAA had had so much business because of that pothole that they had a guy stationed there, so it didn't take much time. The mechanic suggested that I send the wheel to the city, so that maybe they'll get to work on that ridiculous pothole.
    ---
    True telephone conversation:
    EC: What are you doing?
    Friend: Drinking coffee, listening to techno, working. You?
    EC: Same, except replace "techno" with "NPR."
    Friend: ...
    EC: I mean, "punk." I'm listening to punk! Uh, hooray for anarchy. I'm definitely not listening to Garrison Keillor talk about Lake Wobegon, right now.
    Friend: See, this is why I can never tell when you're being sarcastic.
    "If ever I would stop thinking about music and politics
    I would tell you that sometimes it?s easier to desire
    and pursue the attention and admiration of 100 strangers
    than it is to accept the love and loyalty
    of those closest to me."


    "Music and Politics" by The Disposable Heroes of Hiphopricy


  23. EleCivil
    I got a job. Just in time, too, with less than two weeks before school starts.
    I don't want to give too many details in a public post like this, because I wouldn't want to be recognized (hit me up on AIM or YIM if you're that curious about the details).
    Here's what I can tell you:
    I'm a reading teacher for a mix of elementary and middle school students (that's right - my designation is "EleMiddle." Heh.)
    It's an inner-city school with 99% of the population below the poverty line. Many of the students are homeless, parentless, or penniless.
    It's a very poor school in a very poor area during a recession, so I'll probably be laid off at the end of the school year, regardless of performance.
    The school has no art, music, gym, recess, or extra-curriculars. These were all shut down because of low test scores.
    The school itself is on the verge of being shut down by the government (depending on this year's test scores).
  24. EleCivil
    Professor Layton has joined the ranks of my personal list of fictional heroes. As a logic tutor at college, I can't help but love the fact that there's a video game protagonist who fights crime by solving logic puzzles, whose catchphrase is "Critical thinking is the key to success!", and who is also a total badass. Just look at him (on the right).

    I also like the fact that he dresses just like me. All I need is a taller hat, and I'd make a right proper gent.
    Now, pardon me for a second, because I'm about to go all political. Those of you with small children may want to have them leave the room.
    I'll keep it short and sweet. I'm ready to declare, as a less-than-super non-delegate.
    Any Democratic super-delegates in the house? Listen close, because you're going to want to declare based on the elusive EC Endorsement. I don't pick losers. Except Kucinich. And Dean, back in '04. And Nader, back in '00 (But that one doesn't count, 'cause I was only 14). And...well, actually, I've yet to pick a winner. But, as Obama would say, "This time, for sure! Nothin' up my sleeve...presto!" Wait, no, that was Bullwinkle J. Moose.
    I was gonna endorse Obama, but you know what? Screw it. I'm voting my conscience. We need to show strength to our enemies in Pottsylvania.
    Bullwinkle/Kucinich '08
    Ally...OOP! A stronger tomorrow.
    "Thinking people can't be mind controlled - History knows this!
    So we'll teach our children to be skeptical of the government
    They'll question all the lies they're ever told
    They'll be fearless when they stop worshiping the flagpole..."


    "The Kids' War" by Attica! Attica!


  25. EleCivil
    I'm inspired. I want to write. I mean, I want to REALLY write. I want to pound out the rest of Laika, right now. I've got some poetry running around in my head, and another story, too. I want to get it all out. I've been pretty blocked for the past couple months, but now I'm ready to explode. In word form. Wordsplosion, Vocabustion, Abecedarian-Conflagration!
    Problem is, my laptop's battery has died. Completely died. To the point where, even when it's plugged into the wall, there's no juice getting to the laptop itself. The laptop's got all my writing files on it - character bibles, plot outlines, loose dialogue, etc. On top of that, it's the only computer I've got access to that's private, and I've never been able to write well in public.
    I've ordered a new battery, but it'll take somewhere around eight business days to get here. But when it does, expect a new chapter (or two) within a couple days.
    "No Reason Why - to beat up on a poser skin!
    No Reason Why - to keep the little kids from getting in!
    No Reason Why - to take advantage of the people you know!
    No Reason Why - there's just no reason why!"


    -"No Reason Why" by Gorilla Biscuits


PayPal

Help Keep

AwesomeDude Online

Scan to donate

QR code
×
×
  • Create New...