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rauch4322

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    Somewhere on the East Coast.
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    Playing soccer, watching football, baseball and basketball, hanging out with friends and obviously, I've got a life, instead of being on the computer a lot of time as my interests. lol. oh yeah, one of my interests is making new friends. :)

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  1. Hey y'all, I am back...My summer was so much fun as hell. I worked over the summer, as a sports camp counselor at the day camp. Adorable kids I've coached! :) You know, I really do love children...I can't wait one day that I will have kids (hopefully with Tara, lol). I spend a lot of times with Tara, and I love her so much that I couldn't imagine what I would do without her (I know that I've said this a lot of times). I know that this is too early to say, but she's the girl, and I believe, the ONLY girl, I ever wanted. Her personality and her looks, her outgoing/caring towards us and everything are so perfect to me. Whenever I see her, my heart is pounding so fast, and I would only stare through her eyes, thinking about times we've spend together. I love her kisses, because they are so nice and tender. I am so glad that I got so brave to ask her out for the first time. I can't believe that I was so nervous as hell to ask her out for the first date, and I was surprised as hell that she said yes. She told me that she fell in love with me for my personality and that I've always been there for my friends, especially Tara. I don't even care that I said "I love you so much" to Tara in front of people, I have a right to express my feeling to my girlfriend, don't I? :) Well, Tara and I are doing okay with our friends' death (Saul, Quintin, VJ, and others), but what really hits Tara so hard was that she lost one of her favorite teachers ever, so I've always been there for her and comfort her and listen to her to talk about her memories with her teacher. Wow, I'm amazed that we are together for more than a year (a year and 4 months) and we are still doing great. Looks like that we will be still together next year, since 2009 is almost ending. By the way, this weekend, I will go to Tara's college and see her. :) Then in two weeks, Tara will come up to see me. Hell, I am so crazy in love with her! It's hard to believe that by May 2010, it will be two years. I'm back in college...hard to believe that I'm a sophomore...Two more years left to graduate! And, hopefully, that I'll be still with Tara, and I strongly believe that we will be together once we graduate and maybe we will spend our lives together, who knows. Anyways, I have a lot of works to do and my goal is to get all straight A's and be on Dean's List. But, also to have some fun! Tara always fit in with my friends, even though she's the only one who is deaf. FYI, she can hear with a cochlear implant (if you don't know what is cochlear implant, I would suggest you google it, because it's long to explain). So, economy is getting bad now, and people are getting laid off. I just hope that the economy won't get much worse. If it is, then, I don't know how we will able to survive through it! One of my friends' mom is still looking for a job for past few months because she want to go back to work, after for a long time being a housewife. I hope that she will find a job. Anyways, gotta run now to do my stupid homeworks, so hope to hear y'all soon! :)
  2. Hey, First of the all, wow, I have not updated in a month. I so seriously can't believe that I just finished my freshman year. My freshman year at college is so awesome and I have awesome memories. Now, I am at home. Boy, I am so glad to be back at home, sleep late and don't have to worry about papers, projects, homeworks, tests and finals. My finals went well and I nailed them all. I am glad to be back at home, being with Tara a lot. I am looking foward to Paul's visit from Chicago in few weeks and I know for sure that we will have sick times together. By the way, I really wish that I can help this person who is still applying for a teaching job. I was reading about these personal stories on the website: http://www.avert.org/ygmt6.htm#stry13 I was reading a story that is written by Michael (not me, c'mon, Michael is the most common name, so just to let you know). Here is his story: Michael I would like to start by introducing myself; my name is Michael. I am 23 years old and I live in a small New Jersey town in the shadows of New York City. I came out as being openly gay at the age of 15. At the time I considered this to be a great idea. I found myself at the center of controversy at every corner ever since. I was a very popular student and phenomenal athlete throughout grammar school and part of High School. The moment I was open with myself about who I was and what I liked everything crashed between my friends and I. All the guys I used to hang out with all my life now decided to ostracize me. I knew all these boys for about ten years at that point we had went to Pre- Kindergarten together. They refused to play basketball with me. They refused to pass me the ball and allow me to be part of the team. Every day walking through the hallways of Bayonne High School I was called Faggot. I was beaten up a few times by groups of boys that were former friends. Every day became a struggle for me to remain in school. I was not doing very well in school I was barely passing my subjects. It became hard for me to thrive in an environment that I was fearful in. Then one day I was running in the park to keep in shape and a group of older boys grabbed me pulled me into the park beat me up and took turns forcing intercourse on me. I was scared to say anything fearing for my life. I remember being told if I opened my mouth to anyone they would find me and hurt me even worse. When I returned to school the same group of boys were attending the same High School as I was. Every day they mocked and tormented me. I could not handle it anymore and I broke down and had a nervous breakdown concerned for my life. I had to go to the juvenile detective bureau and make a report about what had happened. I was hysterically crying recounting what had happened. The best the police told me was that they would investigate my claim and would most likely not be able to do anything because i came to them too late. Nothing was ever done and my attackers were never brought to justice. The rest of my years in High School I spent in solitude. I had no friends in school or around my block. The irony of this is that we live about 7 miles outside New York City yet they behave like we are middle america right wing extremists. The faculty and administration of the school really did not bother to protect me. Had it been a racially motivated attack more would have been done on my behalf. Lets fast forward to 3 years later senior year. It would have been easy for me to give up and just drop out of school. I fought every day to get the same right of an education as to so called normal heterosexual students. Every day up until my last day in that institution I heard the word Faggot. Towards the end it just did not matter anymore and I was actually able to laugh it off. I walked out of there with my head held up high and headed off to university. I was inspired to go into the teaching profession. I wanted to be able to make a difference and reach the student's like me that go unnoticed and are often forgot about. I graduated with honors from St. Peter's college. It seemed as if I was past the stage of discrimination for being me. I was shocked to know that it was just about to begin again. During my student teaching practicum the same nonsense started up again. I was dealing with a homophobic faculty and administration running the school. They treated me like I was teaching 1st grade for some sick purpose. They would often shoot me dirty looks no matter where I was in the building. It is amazing how people stereotype homosexual males pedophiles. What they fail to realize is statistics are on my side most child predators are "Heterosexual males." Another "straight male" music teacher in the school started driving me home every day. During our drives he would make advances towards me. I had told him I was not comfortable with his advances. I told my cooperating teacher about it and she mentioned it to him to leave me alone. A few days later I was called into the principals office. She proceeds to get into my face and confront me. She asks me "Do you have anything to say about anyone in this room?" I replied with a simple " No I do not have anything to say." She continues to yell and scream at me about making up stories on the man making advances on me. I get yelled at saying that she can call the cops n me for sexual harassment. At this point I really did not understand what was going on. Then she continues to discipline me in front of 4 teachers including this man. She told me that I am out of her building and that this will follow me where ever I go and she will ensure I never get a job. Here I am two years later still applying to get my job as a teacher. It is interesting how far they will let me get in the process. I can make it to the highly recommended hiring list. But then I am punished for being a feminine gay male. I would never take back coming out and being me. I am proud to be me but I am angry I am being punished for what i can not help. I did not choose to be gay there wasn't a moment where I said I wanted to be the center of controversy for the rest of my life it just happened. But I know things may never change for me and I will continue to be passed up for my chance to teach. But i will always fight and keep reapplying until I do get in. That is his story...I really want to find him and help him out with to find a teaching job. I don't know, but any suggestions or any advices? By the way, I live near New Jersey, and hopefully, if anyone who lives in NY or in NJ give me some suggestions how to help him. Anyways, it really fucking pisses me off that these people are really homophobic and the principal really fucking pisses me off that she yelled at him for no reason and he didn't really do anything. Additionally, what really threw me off was that the principal said to him that she will ensure that he will never get a job. I fucking need to find him and help him to get a job. You know, anything CAN be possible and I am hoping that you all can help me to help this guy. I do not know his email address or whatsoever. Let me know if you have anything that can help me out. Thanks! I really hope that he now has a teaching job. I am keeping my fingers crossed if anyone can find out about him. Well, let me know if you have any suggestionsn or advices to help me out. Thanks! What are my plans for the summer? Chilling with friends, maybe to find a job to earn some cash, being with Tara, of course, going to the city (for you non-Long Islanders, the city I am talking about is New York City), going to beaches, parties and a lot more.
  3. Hey, Thank God that this week is over now...This week is the most hardest time for me, in my entire life. All of you know that I mentioned a year ago that my friend was killed in a car accident. It is a year since Saul and Quintin died. I'll never forget them...It is still hard for all of us, because we still can't believe that they are gone, and we won't see them physically ever again... We won't see them growing up and achieve their goals. Well, I went home for the weekend (April 10th - 13th). Well, I went to Saul's gravestone, and we talked and stuff like that. Well...first anniversary is extremely hard. I am not sure if next year, for two years anniversary would be more hard or less hard. R.I.P. SAUL AND QUINTIN APRIL 2008. I can't wait for the summer to come up! I am going to spend a lot of times with Tara, and her younger brother, Paul, who will be visiting NY from Chicago for the summer. Matt, Ty and I probably take a short road trip...I hope that it happens...It would be so awesome if I spend few days with my brothers ,only. One of the best things that I am looking foward to is that one of my friends (she is still one of my best friends no matter how far apart we are) is coming to visit LI, since she moved away when we were younger. It sucks a lot that her dad's job moved them to upstate...about 1 and a half to 2 hours away from LI. STUPID JOB HAD TO MOVE THEM TO UPSTATE... It damn sucks a lot that we didn't graduated together last year. She graduated in upstate, we graduated on LI. I remember the first time she told us that she is moving, we were like hoping that she won't move. I was like, "DON'T MOVE, RIDDHI!" It sucked a lot that she moved in the MIDDLE of school year. On her last day of school here, on LI, I told her that I wish that she didn't have to go. Riddhi said that she knew and she also didn't want to go but she can't stay here and she have to go with her family. I remember, when she went to new school and then she called me and told me that she really hated it there because it was so different and weird. But, she got used to it, even though it still felt weird to her. I am glad to know that Riddhi did well in her schools in upstate. I am pretty happy when I first heard that she made a lot of new friends when she first settled there, but it was kind of sad that our friendship was little bit changing, but so far, it is still good. I was pretty sad that we can't able to see each other a lot while we were in middle school and high school, because it was too far away. She came to visited last summer. Last summer was the first time I saw Riddhi after two years of not seeing her in person. It was pretty weird to see her again after a long time. Oh, we did web cam talk, but in actual person to person, it was weird but in a good way. Tara and Riddhi are good friends, too. So yea, Tara is pretty excited to see her again. Riddhi is really excited to see all of us again. Wow, it will be almost a year since Tara and I are a couple. I look back and I am so damn lucky to have Tara as my girlfriend. Tara is really sweet and awesome. I think you all see why I am in love with Tara. It is not because she is hot, since there is more to it. I love her because of who she is, and her personality is really sweet, she never talk shit about people and she deeply cares about everyone, no matter how horrible they are. I am looking foward to more times with Tara. Well...most people considered Tara and I as a high school sweethearts, even though we just began dating in almost end of our senior year. I am lucky to have Tara and we do truly love each other. Well, finals are coming up in May, which is coming up soon. I am so fucking excited that my freshman year will be ending soon enough because I like to sleep in, not worrying about going to classes or homeworks or tests. This summer will be going to be awesome! Well, after final exams, that will means PARTY!!! lol. Ok, I'd better get a head start on my homework, so ciao! I'm loving the weather now. :) I hate fucking cold in upstate. Upstate winter was the worst thing I ever experienced with. I hate walking to my classes in hard, windy snow. So far, I am loving upstate fall and upstate spring better, obviously. lol.
  4. Hey y'all, College life is going good. Meet a lot of new weird random people but hell, they are fun. My spring break (in first week of March) went well. Just relax at home and chill with some few friends who were home for spring break at same time as I was. How are you all? How are your lives doing? How's your relationship going? Well...my next topic is the hardest thing to talk about...April is coming up next week...That means April 11th marked the first year since car accident and two deaths. April 21st marked the second year to celebrate Saul's birthday without him... It is so hard right now...Much harder because I still can't believe that he's gone. I know that he's not gone, since he is just right there. But, I meant...he's gone physically...No more high fives, no more punchings (jokingly) and stuff like that. I won't able to hear his laugh, his voice and his "HEYY MIKE!" again... I remember, on the day of his funeral, I was really expecting it all to be a joke...A really bad, horrible joke, like I expected Saul to get up from his coffin said said, "gotcha y'all...I'm not dead!" Quintin's parents are still taking it harder since they lost two sons already. They had four kids...and all they have now is two daughters. I just still can't believe that they both are gone...robbed out of their lives. It's like that they were being cheated by death. I'll never forget that day that I heard the deaths. It was like it was yesterday when I was being told by my friend that Saul and Quintin were dead and after I heard this new, I threw up. I felt so sick when I still remember that day. It is so painful, knowing that both of them are gone. Ever since Saul's death, I try to keep my positive attitude, but deep inside, I felt like that I was going to break down. One of guys here at college told me, "You need to let the pain go now." I was so pissed that I was about to punch the hell out of him, but luckily, my friend saved me from that by pulling me and left him. Well, I know that I have to let the pain go, but it takes some time to let rest of the pain to go. Oh man...I really miss Saul SO MUCH. First Saul's birthday, my birthday, first last day of school, first 4th of July, first Halloween, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, and first New Year's without Saul were sad and little bit horrible for me because I just experienced them without him. I remember on the day of my birthday, I was so excited to be 19 years old, and anyways, I was really expecting Saul to call me and said, "Yo Mike, happy birthday, dude!" But, the last time I heard him say this to me was on my 18th birthday. I still miss that. He was supposed to turn 18 on April 21st, 2008 and he was supposed to have a first experience to go to the club...Sadly, he never got a chance to. But what really comforts me a lot is that I knew that Saul is having awesome "firsts" with God and I'll bet that he really enjoys celebrating holidays with God. I know for sure that Saul is up in Heaven, watching over us always and protecting us for rest of our lives. Well, Saul, you are the man! We all still miss you a lot and it still hurts as hell... Anyways, I am glad that you are enjoying being with God and that you are with God for eternal! Anyways, some things at college remind me of you and I really wish that you are still here. But I know that I can't do anything about that. If I could get a wish, it would be that I would be with you and chill with you again. I'll betcha that you are so proud of me working extremely hard in college and being on Dean's List. I know that you are happy that Tara and I still love each other so much and deeply. Well, don't worry, your brother is doing good, but he still misses you a lot. Please watch after him and protect him. I know that you did an excellent job protecting your brother. For once again, I am not saying good bye to you because I KNOW FOR SURE THAT I WILL SEE YOU LATER! WE ALL WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN ONE DAY!! Well, Saul, keep watching and protecting us always. Tell VJ and Quintin hi for me. I miss you and I love you. See you later! Well... I'd better go to sleep now. Good night!
  5. Hey, Last weekend, I went home for Valentine's Day. Tara and I had an awesome time on our Valentine's Day. I gave her a Valentine present, which is a necklace, roses with a card in it that includes reasons why I love her. It is kind of pricey, but I paid the necklace with my love. I truly do love her. Why do I love Tara? It is because of her personality, her being who she is, sweet, cute, awesome and more. I may be biased, but she is truly perfect girl that I ever have. Unbelievable that in few months, it will be our first year anniversary. It really amazes me that our relationship are still going strong and well. I guess the way we communicate honestly is the key to a strong relationship along with love for each other. It sucks that Tara and I don't have same spring break. Oh well... Maybe over spring break, I will probably go to spend a week with Tara at her college. But, I don't know. My college life is going great. My roommates and I have a lot of fun at parties, and etc. We are planning to be roommates again for next year. I'm still getting good grades so far in all of my classes, and hopefully, I'll ace on my final exams which are next week. Well, it will be almost two months since Saul and Quintin went Home. I never told you guys before but one of my favorite teachers just had passed away on December 27th since her heart stopped working. I really missed her a lot. The last time I saw her was over my Thanksgiving break. But if I am planning to go visit my high school, it will definitely be so hard for me because I lost few people I knew. I remember, I was taking my psychology quiz, and I read one of the questions and it said the name- SAUL. Then, I couldn't think, because I keep rereading "Saul" over again, and I could not let the pain go. I know that I have to let the pain go, but I need some time to let my pain go. Well to be honest, as I read "Saul," I almost cried but I just kept it in. I know for sure that Saul is so incredibly proud of me working so hard in college. He is my friend always, no matter that he isn't here physically. He is alwyas here spiritually. How is this month going for you? How was Valentine's Day going for you all? Great? Got a love? Tell me about them. :) Ok, I got to go to sleep, so good night, y'all.
  6. Hey, Happy New Year! I hope that 2009 will be better than last year and 2007 since I had recieved deaths of people I knew from school. It is really hard to ring in 2009 without Saul. In three months, it will be Quintin and Saul's first death anniversary. I am not looking foward to it. My heart is really hurting and still is. It will never go away, knowing that I lost a very good friend. Christmas was good, but it was the first time I experienced it without Saul. We always go to Christmas party or New Year party of our friends, but this time, I didn't really feel really cheerful at these parties when I was with friends. My Christmas break with my family is good. All of you may know that I do not have an excellent relationship with my father since the whole thing happened last spring, but I gave him a present, well because he is my family, no matter how bad our relationship is. On Christmas day, I visited Saul's grave and I did something special for him alone. I am not going to discuss about what I did is special for him because it is very personal to me and I'd rather to keep it private (only my bros, Tara, Saul's parents and 3 friends know about that). I apologize for that but it is very personal. I talked with him, which is comforting for me. I always know that Saul is with me always and forever, no matter that he is gone. To tell you the truth, he is never gone, and he is just right there. I miss you so much... I had fun times with Tara on Christmas and New Years. :) I got her a wonderful Christmas gift and I love the gift she gave me. lol. I'm excited that next month is Valentine's Day. The good thing about Valentine's day is that it is on Saturday, meaning that I can go home on Friday afternoon. I have few ideas what to do something special for Tara. :) Holy shit, I have got my essay test back in Modern American History class and I was afraid to know if I failed...When I take a look at my grade and was shocked to find out that I got a 94! HOLY SHIT! It was my first essay test in Modern American History! I'm glad, so far. Well, my other classes went well and I get excellent grades so far. I went to parties few times and well, I remember the Halloween party WAS WILD that the campus officers ended up to come to break up the party. I am just glad that it wasn't me who planned that party. I was just a guest at the party and let me tell you all, it was fun. :) The reason why I don't party too much unlike others is because I need to focus on my grades in classes. Ok, I have to run now, so I hope that y'all have a good day! :)
  7. Hey y'all! Wow, a month since the last time I wrote an entry, but no one cares. lol. I am on Thanksgiving break, and thank God...I need to sleep in! lol. I'm excited that Tara and her family is coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow... Wow, it is the first Thanksgiving without Saul, but I am really thankful that I still have so many memories that I have created with Saul. Well, I regret that we have never got a chance to make new memories such as taking him to the club (we were supposed to on his birthday but...yeah) and so many things. I remember last year Thanksgiving...Saul's last Thanksgiving on Earth. It was so much fun and yet, thankful. Christmas is in four weeks away and I am so excited about that! But, still, it is too hard since it is the first Christmas I will experience without Saul. Last year Christmas, Saul and I had exchanged the present. I still have my present from Saul last year. It is a photo of us at soccer championship, with a frame that says, "Best friends forever" and soccer balls around the frame. It is one of my most favorite presents, ever because it is from Saul's thoughts and kindness. I know that I said this a lot of times, but he is always in my thoughts, memories and heart. I miss him so much that I am really hurting a lot. Last month, I have discovered that the driver, who was critically injured in April, when the bad car accident happened, was in the court. He is in wheelchair because he has physical damage due to the accident. He was plead not guilty since his lawyer said that it was just an accident and the judge dismissed the case. But, the driver just had another trial, but I haven't heard of what is happening lately, but I will find out. Saul's father said, while standing next to Saul's grave, that it is all his (the driver's) fault and he should deserved to be in 15-20 years in prison but this will not bring Saul and Quintin back. Well, I am not angry with the driver, but I just wished that they all didn't fooled around. If they took the driving seriously, the driver wouldn't be in the wheelchair or Saul and Quintin would have been alive. But, there is no way to undo this thing, and all I have to do is to grieve then accept it and move on. I don't know how I will react when April 2009 will comes up, but this defintely will not be so easy. Saul's birthday and death are in the same month, and obviously, this is still difficult to know this. Obama won. That's great. He will make a great president. America now have the VERY first African American president ever. I am sure that next four years will be so memorable. I didn't like McCain that much because he is like Bush all over again, and I cannot handle another Bush-like President again. Before election, I was hoping that McCain will not win, and if he did win, I would pull my hair out and screaming. Thankfully, that will not happen! lol. I am sure that Saul is pleased that Obama had won, and I'll bet that he is cheering and jumping up and down up there. I remember Saul saying to me that when election day comes, he will defintely vote for Obama. Remember, he was supposed to be 18 years old 10 days after the accident but never got to celebrate. He never got a chance to vote. But, I know that Saul will be happy that I did vote on election day. Well, I visited my high school and surprised my former teachers. It was weird that I was back in high school after six months of not being there and more weird that I am not a high school student anymore. But anyways, it was so much fun but I had some bad memories of there regarding Saul's death. But I just went there anyways, and don't let the bad memories get me. I am so proud of myself! I spent a lot of time talking to my most favorite teacher ever, my 10th grade global teacher. He is very understanding and caring. He helped me to get through hard times, since he is teaching psychology classes (no hes not psychologist, but is global and psychology teacher). I am going to visit my high school and see teachers again when I come home for Christmas break, which is only three weeks away! YAY! Got to run, so have a memorable and wonderful Thanksgiving with your familiy and friends! Eat a lots of food, especially turkey! lol.
  8. Hey y'all! Well, it seems like that I am still alive, so that's a good thing to you all! lol. I hope that you all are doing well past few weeks and now. I hope that you all enjoyed your fun times. I'm doing well in college and the college life is awesome. I didn't really party that much, because I know that school works are always important and is my first priority. This weekend, I went home and spend times with family and Tara. Tara is the best girlfriend I ever have and I love her more than everyday. We have terrific times together on this weekend. I still talk to her over the webcame, AIM, phone and facaebook. WE are keeping our relationship stronger and alive, no matter how far we are. We can visit each other on each college as we can, and we can go home for some weekends to spend times together. This is most important thing to me, and I do not care if people thinks that it's impossible. To me, it is very possible because we do work on how to keep our relationship strong. Communication is very important to me and that's how our relationship is getting much stronger because we express our feelings to each other. Like I said before, I love her more than everyday, and she is a great girlfriend I ever ask for. She is supportive of me and is understanding. That's all I want! October is here already and that means that Halloween is coming up now. The people in the dorm room across my room had awesome Halloween decorations on their dorm door, and it is extremely cool! Halloween always remind me of a brave boy, VJ. VJ's most favorite holiday of the all is Halloween. He had awesome Halloween parties and we throughly enjoyed them! Additionally, he loved to go to trick or treating when he was younger. That is his favorite activity of Halloween. VJ had been through a hardship. He battled against brain cancer for ten years...yes, I said ten years. It was a very long battle for VJ. He was first diagnosed with brain cancer when he was in second grade, in the year of 1997. He endured a brain surgery and rounds of chemotherapy treatments. He fought against brain cancer with his strength and his strong faith in God. He always kept his positive attitude on to beat this monster. He fought so bravely and beat it. He lead a normal life, even though he was a sick boy. He enjoyed to be back in the school after he was in remission, and enjoyed making new friends. He did very well in his academics, even though he had some difficulty; but he got some help from the teachers in order to help him to achieve his goal. Sadly, in seventh grade, to everybody's worst fear, his cancer had came back...He relapsed. Again, VJ underwent brain surgery, and round after round of chemotherapy treatments. He was on chemo for few months, and was declared to be in remission. He fought against it for the second time with the help of God on his side, and his strength, and of course his positive attitude. VJ was glad to be back in school after he spent times in the hospital. He enjoyed making new friends and learning new things. He passed his examinations and get good grades in his classes. He lead the normal life, until his senior year (2006-2007). In the beginning of his senior year, VJ started not feeling well. This confirmed everybody's worst fear- HIS CANCER HAD CAME BACK. Again, VJ did not let this get to him. He just kept fighting on until he beat this beast. He fought with his strength, his bravery, his courage, his positive attitude and his strong faith in God. In the middle of April, VJ did not return to school...He was in the hospital, recieving more treatments (chemotherapy and radiation). There was a tumor behind his ear, but at this time, his doctor had decided not to operate on it because it was too risky. But still, VJ kept fighting on bravely. He made it to his 18th birthday in June. But approximately two weeks before July ended, VJ's doctor decided to stop chemotherapy treatments because there was too much posion (from chemo) in his body and it was not workable. At that time, VJ was getting worse and also was getting more sicker. Bad luck strike again...He got a second diagnosis of cancer- leukemia because he had chemotherapy for a long time (2nd grade, 7th grade and 12th grade). But still, VJ did not give up, and would keep fighting on with God on his side. SADLY, VJ LOST HIS BATTLE WITH HIS CANCER ON JULY 30TH, 2007 AT 6:15 PM. At least, he went to a better place to be with God forever. He is 100% free from cancer and no more chemo, radiation and surgeries to go through. I remember the first time I met VJ. It was in the summer of 1999, before I started fourth grade and before VJ started fifth grade, in summer school (before you jump into a conclusion, no, i didn't fail- it was just because my parents thought that it was a good idea for my brothers and I to have a educational time for few weeks instead of slacking off...I know...it sucks lol). At that time, VJ looked so healthy and I didn't know that he was sick. It was when he was in remission. When I entered middle school in seventh grade, it was fifth period... 7th graders' lunch period...also were 8th graders' lunch period. There, I saw him...VJ...I recongized him immediately because I can remember some faces that I know before. But what made me froze is that he was wearing his black cap backward to hide his bald head (he lost his hair from chemotherapy treatment). It hit me so hard that he was a really sick boy with cancer. I remember the first time I talked to him, he was a real nice guy. He was also cool. I'll never forget the day I recieved the new of VJ's death. I remember recieved an email from my friend regarding to join the memorial facebook group that is for VJ. at first, the fb showed the initials name of VJ's name, and i was like, "I do not know anybody whose name is that" I thought for awhile and it HIT ME that it was VJ. When I click that, I found out that he died. As the result, I was so shocked...I still can't believe that he was gone. But it really comforted me a lot that he is in so much better place with no pains. He is 100% free from suffering. I never forget this dream that invloved VJ. I felt so shocked and did not feel peaceful. Anyways, I prayed that I will get a sign that VJ is 100% fine, no more suffering and is happy. Then I went to bed. Then, I got this dream. I was walking around with one of my friends, Max. A lot of students from HS were in my dream. We were talking, making jokes and walking around. Then, my eyes laid on VJ...At this time, he looked so different..more healthier than before. VJ stared me back too, with a smile. He said, "don't worry...I am fine...I am 100% free and is with God forever". I was so surprised to see him and said to my friend, "Hey Max! Look at VJ!" as I pointed to where VJ was standing. But, Max had this confused face and was like, "where? I don't see him?" Then again, I pointed to the spot where he was standing and I looked again and saw that he wasn't there. Few seconds later, I saw him again and he smiled again." That was the end of my dream because I woke up. I felt peaceful then because I knew now that he is 100% fine and is with God forever. He will wait for his family, and everybody else to join to be with him again one day. VJ always touched everybody with his courage, bravery and positive attitude. We will never forget his inspiring smile that always brightened our days up. He always made us smile and we will never forget his caring towards other people. VJ taught me a lot of moral lessons and I always wil thank him for that forever. Remember: Even though he lost his battle, he WON the war...The victory now belongs to him forever. God bless his soul...We will miss him always and forever until one day we will join to see him again in Heaven. Anyways, election is coming up. This sure will be interesting. I will tell everybody who I support for the President of 2009 after who wins the most election votes (McCain or Obama). All of you guys- who do you think is a better choice for President? Giants is getting better...WTF, Yankees did not made into playoffs! THIS SUCKS! I can't believe that Yankees were getting worse now... I seriously hope that Red Sox will not make into play offs or otherwise, I will be VERY VERY PISSED OFF! I hope that Giants will win the superbowl again in 2009. Ok, I'm gonna go to do some hws. Take care! I will update in about few weeks, since I am so busy (I know that I said this often, but just to remind you all why I haven't update that often now). Thanks for reading my entry!
  9. Today is one of my friend's birthday... He is going to have a party on his dorm floor tonight...To be honest, I don't feel like going to the party and celebrating his birthday because I am somewhat still having a hard time with Saul's death...Why, do you all ask? Well, you see, Saul died in April...More worse, April was also Saul's birthday month...April 21st, he could've been eighteen...but instead, died before then. Wow...Just wow...Saul's birthday month and death month was April... just 10 fucking days after Saul died, it was his 18th birthday and he wasn't here to celebrate..Except, he celebrated his first birthday with God in Heaven...I apologize that I never told you all that April was also Saul's birthday month, but I couldn't bring myself to say this outloud becuase it was too difficult for me since Saul will be seventeen forever. I think on my 20th birthday, I won't ever celebrate like before because it will be my first birthday without Saul. Just...fuck birthdays...fuck them... I wish that I won't hear this word 'BIRTHDAY' because it pains a lot to know that Saul died in his birthday month... Any advices? I don't think so...This is too difficult to talk about 'birthdays'. I'm sorry but I had to let my emotions out. I had this feeling that Saul would wanted me to go and have fun with my friend on his birthday but I can't...How can I? I think I need some time to get over his death and I thought that I was almost healing over his death, but I suppose not...Because five months isn't long enough to be healed...It would probably be next year. I just don't know...Just don't know... Ok, thanks for reading even though this is not an happy entry...
  10. rauch4322

    hey

    Hey y'all, I hope that you are doing well this week. I've been so busy most of the time, since I had a lot of works to do. Calculus is okay, and I hope that I'll survive this class... My roommates and I are having awesome times. My roommates are cool. They know how to have fun. lol. At least, I am not too much fond of partying late at night on school night. I just went to the library if I wanted to study or finish my works. Wtf, at the library, if you need to print out something, you have to pay for it. That's f---ing stupid. At the computer lab in the dorm building which is next to my dorm building, the printing is free, thank God. Some nights, on my dorm floor, we had some funny moments. This girl, Nicole had pulled down the pants of Hillary's and out of nowhere, my friend and I saw her and were like laughing our asses off. Hillary was like, "WTF NICOLE!" and ran to her room and pull up her pants and came back. Anyways, it was kinda funny but it wasn't that funny because it was embarrassing. Wow, it's has been five months since Saul and Quintin went Home. Next month, it will be a half of the year since they went Home. I'm always glad that I bought my memories of Saul with me to college, since it's always with me. I've always told my roommates about Saul and they never got bord hearing my stories about Saul. I am glad that they understand how I feel about Saul's death, even though they don't totally understand how. To be honest, whenever I go outside in evening times, just to clear out my stress, I've always look up at the dark blue sky and wonder if Saul is up there watching me. I feel that he is watching me and was like beside me. It's just how I felt, if you all know what I mean. Whenever I thought of Saul, I can see his face with a smile. Tell you what...I think that I am halfway healed about Saul's death, but not totally. That's kind of a good thing. I'm glad, anyways. Election is coming up soon...in two months. I wonder who is going to win...This should be interesting. If Obama wins the election, then I wonder if there will be an uproar about Obama since he is the first African American to be elected as President. If McCain win, I wonder what very liberal people would say. All of you guys, take your guess who will win. For me, I don't know because I didn't really agree with some of their plans if they are elected. Well, that's all I have to say now. I'll write more next time.
  11. Hey y'all! I am in college now. I'm staying in the dorm with two roommates. They are cool. Most importantly, my dorm room is so f---ing awesome because it has more space for television I bought. I'm sharing my television with my roomies. I can't live without a television! The food here are okay, but not that great. Anyways, first week was orientation week and now it's over....Thank God. Tuesday is the first day of classes, and I'm ready. Good thing about my classes are in the mornings is that I have all afternoons FREE! I ain't gonna have classes in afternoons! I made some new friends, so that's good. Wow...I made this new friend who is living on my dorm floor...Guess what is his name? You got it...Saul. It is so weird... To be honest, sometimes, it hurts that I had to say his name, Saul (new friend, I mean) because I knew that Saul, who I knew since sixth grade, is not here. I know that Saul L. is never gone, and he is just right there. But, still, it is hard for me at times. Anyways, ugh, philosophy...I'm planning to drop this class and take Calculus class. It's hard to believe that I'm in college...Just wow. Well, I think that I may not update my entries every week, since I will be busy with school works and assignments. So, what I am asking from you is to be patient for me to update. I will update my entries when I have a time or when I am free. College life is not same as high school life, so I've heard. *Sigh* It's true... Sorry for the short entry, but I promise you all for a long entry at another time!
  12. I'm back! Wow, one month of not updating. Sorry about that! I was hella busy. I gotta to be prepared for college; I'm leaving in two weeks. Also, in beginning of August, Ty and I went to NC to see my cousin and his wife. My cousin and I are very close. Fun times with him. Gosh, at some days, outside was hella hot and I felt like that I didn't really wanna go outside. I HATE HATE HATE HEAT WAVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love snow days, lol, so I can get a chance to sleep in. This is one thing I missed most in high school. I just found out that the gudiance counselor, who retired this summer, was subtly racist towards Asians and this really pissed me off a lot. No one likes her and we all hate her. We are so happy that she retired. The principal heard about her subtle racism, and is looking into this. I never really understand why she is sutbly racist towards Asians. Some of my friends are Asians. Also, one of my friends told me that this gudiance counselor f---ed with her (my friend's) sister over college few years ago. Hell, she isn't that good. I just wished that she was fired, instead of retiring. I'm really really thankful that I don't have her. Let me tell you all....Racism is still going on in America. I mean, racism towards African Americans, Muslims, and more. Obviously, it was stupid people who have some demons inside them that made them to hate something. I will never be friends with someone who is a racist about something. Saul had experienced with racism little bit before because he was Hispanic. He was pretty upset that some was really mean to him, because most Hispanics weren't well-educated. F--k these people, they just don't know Saul as I did...He was pretty smart and worked hard in school. He applied to several colleges. He heard back from one of the colleges that he really wanted to go-he was really thrilled about that. But, he died a month before we heard back from colleges that are on regular decision...so he never got a chance to know which other schools he got in. But, most importantly, these people are well stupid enough that they didn't know that Hispanics tried their best to work hard to be educated. To be honest, I really wanted to have the world where there is no racism and everyone could get along. Obviously, this is just my desire....Here is the REAL world. Dang...it has been four months since Saul and Quintin were born to eternal life. I think I am slowly healed by Saul's death, and this is a good thing...Right? Hope it is. I'm glad that I have a lot of memories of him, in order to keep closure with him. Tara is pretty excited to go to college. As for me, I'm kinda excited, but mostly nervous. I know that most of people who are going to college for first year are nervous and it's normal to be nervous. so yeah. Tara and I spent everyday mostly to prepare for college. She has a lot of things going on, but we made a time to have dates. Most of these days, I spend my time with my uncle, aunt and cousins before I leave for college. Before you jumped into a conclusion that I didn't spend some time with my family, I did. I spent some time with my family, even though I have a strained relationship with my dad. Sometimes, it is awkward...well, mostly it is. But, still, it's going ok. Damnnnn, Dark Knight is really cool and awesome! lol. Ok, I'm signing off now, so later!
  13. Wow...I have one question to ask you all... Did your brother ever ask you if you lost your virginity or not? Well, Ty did...Even though he is only 14.5 years old. I was shocked when Ty asked me, "Mike, did you lost your virginity or not?" No sounds come out of my mouth. Instead, I said, "TY! I don't think that anyone can ask their brother if they lost their virginity or not." Ty said, "Not my fault...I was curious." My guts is telling me that once Ty find a girlfriend, he would lost his virginity to her, for sure. Then, it was the time for a really serious conversation. I explained to him that losing his virginity can cause the problems such as diseases, pregnancy and others. I answered Ty's question whether if I lost my virginity or not. Keep in your mind, I am not definitely going to tell you all if I lost my virginity or not, since it's my personal business. I also told him the consequence that my friend, who lost her virginity to her boyfriend and got pregnant, had. Ty really listen to me carefully and pay attention. Wow, just wow...Mind you all, I do not force Ty to not have sex, but instead, I am telling him to do the right thing, not the wrong thing. I am always protecting my younger brother, no matther what. He's my brother and I love him. I hope that Ty will remember this conversation and know that he will not do anything stupid. Oh yes, I talked to Ty about safe sex and condoms and other things. It made me feel better that I can discuss with Ty about this thing, in order to teach him to do the right thing, not the wrong thing. I told him, "Ty, promise me, once you find a right person, you can do it..." In my mind, "After you get married to her, hopefully." I seriously hope that he will do a right thing. I'm still worried if Ty will make a wrong choice and end up having the problems. Sadly, I can't watch him like a hawk every day, but I know that what I told him will influence on him to make a right choice. I hope so... My summer is going well. I am kind of getting ready for college. What I'm scared of the most is that I'm on my own and no one to depend on. I am also scared of making wrong choices when it comes to difficult conflicts. But, I'm little bit excited to be on my own, no brothers or cousins to annoy me. But, what I'm scared the most is losing my friendship with my high school friends. I hope that it will not happened. I heard that it did happened to some people. Ty is sure lucky to be in high school for few years. I am going away in beginning of August, to visit my cousin and his wife in NC. I haven't seen them since last year. My cousin and I are close. He is one of the people who supports me while I have a strained relationship with my parents, and also was there for me when Saul died. I am really thankful, and he is like one of my brothers. I am excited to chill with my cousin. Tara and I have good times on our dates. I always love her, no matter what. Tara really brightens my day always. When she smiled at me, I know that everything will be okay. I am really lucky to have Tara as my girlfriend. So, we are still going strong. Have a fun summer!
  14. Hey, I hope that you all are doing well this week. I am so glad that it's summer vacation and no more school! Peter (Tara's younger brother) flew here from Chicago for our graduation. It was a surprise for Tara. Tara didn't know that Peter flew on our graduation day. When she first saw him, she yelled, "OMG, PETER, YOU ARE HERE!" and hugged him too tightly. Peter said, "Tara...you are squeezing me too tightly that I can't breath...so let me go!" Peter is such a cool dude. lol. If you want to know why Peter was in Chicago, then it's kinda long story. Tara and her family moved to NY from Chicago a couple of years ago, and Peter was having a difficult time to adjust his new life here. Peter was really unhappy and homesick for Chicago, his relatives and his friends. Awhile later after they first moved here, it was decided that Peter should moved back to Chicago to stay with his uncle and relatives. He is more happy in Chicago than here, so he decided to stay in Chicago for school. Let me tell you, it makes me happy that he is happy in Chicago because I know that it is better for him to be there. Peter still comes to NY for summer, sometimes for Christmas break, and mostly mid-winter break and spring break. He is staying here for the summer until end of August when he has to go back to school. I hang out with him most of the time over the summer. Again, he's a cool dude. lol. Tara has another brother...An older brother, Eric. He went to the college in Chicago. Tara will go to the same college that Eric went to. Mind you, Tara is pretty excited to go to live in Chicago again for college. She'll come to NY for college breaks and summer vacations. I am still having a difficult time with Saul's death, even though I'll always think of the memories we have made past few years. After Saul's death, I had dreams that invloves Saul sometimes. It really made me happy that I can see him in my dream. Let me tell you one of my dreams, which is really comforting to me. In my dream, I was sitting on the bench, feeling sad. Out of nowhere, Saul was there. He came up to me and said, "Mike, please don't feel sad, just smile. Your smile always brightens everyone's day. I love you." Then, he left. Saul was very smart what are the right things to say to people without insulting them. I still missed him, more than before. It was no fun and lonely to spend my first summer without Saul, even though I have other friends to hang out with. But, to be honest, out of my friends, Saul was the most fun person to chill with. I remember, few months before he passed away, we made a plan to go to Six Flags over the summer, since we were going to different college. Now, this plan is gone...just gone, like it never existed. Some people keep saying to me that I should go to Six Flags with someone else, and I don't know if this is a good idea or not. But, I do really think that Saul really wanted me to have aome friends to go with to Six Flags. I know that he doesn't want me to blow off this plan. I am not ready to do that, but one day, I will. Saul was really looking foward to graduation and college, and he never got a chance to graduate or go off to college. He was so excited to find out that he got accepted into one of the colleges he really wanted to go, and it's gone. His spot for this college is gone, and now it belongs to someone ( I'M F---ING NOT READY TO ACCEPT THAT SAUL'S SPOT NOW BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE!). Why did he have to die? I have no answers...I think Saul knows the answer, since he is with God now. Also, God knows the answer and I believe that He knows what's for the best. I am comforted knowing that Saul is in so much better place and he is not suffering. I am comforted that he is with all deceased family members and Quintin. Saul, I know that I've said this a million time, but I missed you very much. I'll bet that you are proud that I graduated with a proud feeling. I know that you love my speech. Well, I am not saying good bye to you right now because I know for sure that I will see you again later on. I love you and please keep watching over me. So, see you later. Ok, I don't really care if you think that I shouldn't said some stuff in the last paragraph that may make you feel depressed. It's my choice since this is my blog. I have the right to express my feelings about Saul's death here. If you don't want to hear it, then please don't read it from now on. Tara and I are doing great. She's a really amazing girl I ever know. I love her a lot and we had a lot of fun on our date last night. Tomorrow, I am going to hang out with Tara and Peter at her house. Even though we will go to different colleges, I will still be near her. Our love is much stronger than before. I am happy to see how well our relationship goes. Ok, I'm done for now. So, laters!
  15. Hey, I hope this week is well for you all. My week was stressful, by the way. Yesterday, I had a state exam in physics, and that exam was okay. I did really well on that exam, since I just found out my score today. Some people failed that exam, at least, physics state exam isn't required to graduate, only biology and earth science/chemistry. I took all four state exams, which are biology, earth science, chemistry and physics. I believe that earth science exam is the most eaisest test I ever took. Damn, my earth science teacher back then looks really good. That sucks that she isn't teaching at my school anymore, since she lives really far from here. Wow, this is so weird of me to say that my teacher looks really good. I don't have a crush on her, just think that she looks good, that's all. Today is graduation day! Wow, seems like that my high school years are over. The memories I made in high school are f---ing awesome and memorable. I think I am still having a difficult time to adjust to graduate without Saul. And Quintin too, even though I don't know him that well. The only thing I DO know is that Saul and Quintin are watching over us, and being proud of us to work hard to graduate. I think Saul really wanted me to graduate with a smile on my face and be proud of what I did past four years in high school. So, I am doing that for Saul. I do really feel Saul being with me. I always feel it, even though I can't see it. Our friendhship is still alive, spiritually...just like the wind. After the graduation, I am having a party with relatives and my family. Yes, my family is coming, but my uncle, aunt and cousins are also coming. I hope that my dad and I won't have an argument on my perfect day today. I really hope that my graduation will be perfect. The speakers at my graduation will be the valedictorian, salutatorian, and me (I am making a special speech that will discuss how wonderful our school has been, and how much we have learned from teachers and this school, and to honor the memory of Saul and Quintin). The valedictorian and the salutatorian will wear the gold band that says, "valedictorian" and "salutatorian" on their graduation gown and I will wear purple band, which means the graduation speaker, on my graduation gown. I was pretty surprised that a lot of people nominated me to be the graduation speaker. I am not going to tell you all my speech because it is a surprise. After the graduation, I probably will show you all.
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