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Richard Norway

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  1. Richard Norway
    I think I’ve been turning into a recluse. But, I haven’t lost my optimism…yet.
    A lot has been happening, but where to begin? I guess from the beginning. This will be long.
    When the economy started to go down in 2008, my business (I'm a structural engineer to help keep their buildings from crashing down) started to slow. My clients were architects and builders. Their businesses went down and consequently, so did mine. I eventually pulled out of the business and went on Social Security, because I could make more than my business was bringing in. We muddled on for a while, and then two of our foster kids were pulled from us because the agency had found adoptive families for them. Now David had to go to work. Because of the turn down in the income, I missed a rent payment in June of 2013. I was able to make the next few rent payments, but couldn’t pay the June rent. Well, in October of that year, we were evicted. I was pretty much in financial ruin.
    As my father was quite ill in the hospital, my brother offered to use his truck flatbed trailer and move us to Minnesota. We would be staying in my father’s house with no rent. So on October 30th we arrived in Thief River Falls, Minnesota and moved into my dad’s house. That gave me the opportunity see him in the hospital. The house is about 125 years old with riverfront property, large for this area, and not very well kept up. It needed a lot of mostly minor repairs that had been neglected over the last couple of years. We had given away all of our furniture as move space was limited, but kept linens, clothes and kitchen stuff.
    My dad passed away from cancer a month later in November of 2013. He left the house to my brother, also a David (my partner), and I. My brother has a home in town, so I remain living in the house that my dad left us, and he remained in his.
    David got a job with Digikey in February of 2014. It’s one of the largest electronic parts distributers in the country and employs a little over 1/3 of the city’s population of 8,500. I tried to get a job, but when they read my resume, I’m too qualified for anything that they could offer, so I stayed retired and continued to raise our remaining foster boy, Rio Northern.
    That didn’t go well. New Mexico put in a request that we be able to transport him to Minnesota. The approval came just 2 hours before we were to leave. Starting off on the right foot, huh? Rio was still under guardianship of the state of New Mexico. New Mexico has different policies than Pennington County. (The state runs the foster system in New Mexico while in Minnesota the counties run their social services.) New Mexico has a requirement that they must have a home visit by their case worker once a month, while Pennington County does not. New Mexico had requested that Pennington County Social Services provide that. That’s where the fireworks started. Pennington County did not have guardianship over Rio and did not want him here as they had no control over him. He was a burden to them.
    David and I had started the adoption process for Rio in the spring of 2013, but it was not complete when we left. New Mexico requested that Pennington County perform the final home study, which they did and approved the adoption in early March of 2015.
    Now, Rio does not have the best ability to make good choices and got into trouble with the law. He got a BB gun that first Christmas here. I figured that since he was going to be living in an area where everyone hunts and has a lot of guns and would be with my relative’s kids, he should get some firearm training from me. A new friend and Rio took the BB gun and went out the day after Christmas. The other kid took the gun and was shooting out car headlights and windows in a church. The police were able to follow their footprints in the snow and showed up at our house that afternoon. Since Rio was with him and considered an accomplice, he had to go to juvenile court. Rio had not fired the BB gun.
    This is a small town, and some of the police here are bullies. As Rio had been involved with the police, he now had a reputation with them as being quite the delinquent. And it got worse. Rio had been taking a med to help with his ADHD and PTSD. Shortly after that Christmas (February 2014, I think), the doctor changed his med to vivance. Shortly after the med change, Rio came home from a friends. He seemed to be depressed, and we questioned him but could find nothing that had made him depressed. I guess that he just didn’t want to talk about it. Fifteen minutes later I found his prescription bottle in the bathroom sink – empty! I immediately called 911 and an ambulance was dispatched along with the police. Rio had tried to commit suicide. He was put on a suicide watch at the hospital and given the standard blood tests. They found amphetamines in his system. Now Rio was not just a delinquent in the eyes of the police and the courts, but a meth-head as well. It’s really unfortunate how people don’t follow through and jump to conclusions. You see, vinance IS an amphetamine. He took his own prescribed medication not something from off the street. The police never understood or realized that.
    When we went to court in March 2015, Rio’s public defender and I were shocked when the county prosecuting attorney dropped all charges. Of course, we were elated, but couldn’t figure out why. We found out the next morning why. Pennington County had recanted their adoption approval. Two things were in play here. The first Is that our foster license had expired, but since we were in the adoption process, we were approved with an adoptive license to have a foster boy in our home. But now we didn’t have either a foster or adoptive license. Second is that there Is a federal agency that governs rules between states for foster kids that live out of the state that has their guardianship. Pennington County Social Services contacted them, telling them of the unlicensed home that Rio was in. New Mexico contacted us and said that they had three days to pick up Rio and return him to New Mexico. Needless to say, we were quite upset that Rio was being jerked from our home. I drove Rio back to Las Cruces that weekend. It was quite obvious to me, David and Rio’s attorney that we were set up! Pennington County Social Services couldn’t get Rio out if he were awaiting judgement from the judicial system. They obviously contacted the County Prosecutor’s office, and they worked it out.
    When Rio was back in New Mexico, he was scheduled to have his annual court hearing in a couple of weeks. The judge just wants to make sure that the agency is following through with their plans for getting these kids adopted at that hearing. I couldn’t afford staying in a motel for an extra two weeks, so I drove back to Minnesota to wait. Two weeks later, I drove back to New Mexico and contacted Rio’s attorney (New Mexico provides an attorney to protect the rights of kids under care by Social Services). She submitted a motion before Rio’s hearing that requested David and I be given permanent guardianship over Rio. New Mexico Social Services had to approve that motion before it could be so ordered. They could not approve the motion because of an agency policy to never let a minor out from under their control unless he or she was adopted, or aged out. I heard from the agency’s attorney that she thought that our home was the best place for Rio, but her hands were tied.
    Rio’s attorney and I had many breakfast, lunch and dinner meetings along with a few in her office to figure out what to do. She had an idea. She provided two motions to the court. The first one was to have Rio removed from control by the agency and placed under control of the court. This removed Rio from being under the policies of the agency. The second was to have Rio removed from control by the court and placed under permanent legal guardianship of David and I. The judge signed both orders the next morning, and Rio was now ours! I drove back to Minnesota the following day with my son!
    Pennington County was not pleased that we went around them. And, Rio was now under the scrutiny of the county sheriff’s and city police departments. In a way, we feel that even David and I are being watched. Police cars seem to be cruising our street a lot. The neighborhood has gone south since I remember it back in the day (I was born here). There was a drug bust in a house across the street a few months after we arrived.
    On a brighter note, David and I were married last year shortly after Rio and I returned to Minnesota. Minnesota already had already legalized gay marriage.
    It seems that living in Minnesota has been one crisis after another. I don’t like this town. It has totally changed since I was here years ago. Digikey has to hire a lot of people, and there are a lot of new arrivals with their delinquent kids because of that. We have to keep the house continually locked because of a lot of robberies that happen in this neighborhood.
    Rio turned 18 on September 13th last year. Oddly enough, his birthday is the day before mine, so we celebrate together. He was now out of our guardianship and technically on his own. He wants what all kids want, and that is to be on his own. So, Rio moved to Morehead, Minnesota last month. Fargo is just across the Red River of the North from Morehead. He had an opportunity to room with a friend of ours. She’s about 30 years old and could give him the guidance that he needed. The apartment building is just across the street from the State University of Minnesota Morehead. He enrolled in GED classes and now fully intends to attend the university to get a degree in graphic and video arts. He never had any ambition to go to college before this. I can’t tell you how much I’m impressed and pleased that he wants to finally make something of himself. The friends that he’s meeting there are nothing like the delinquents that he’s met here. They have goals. His roommate goes to the college. His roommate’s mother is a teacher. Perfect for developing motivation in him.
    Well, it didn’t go so well. David and I didn’t realize the mental aberrations that Rio’s roommate was living under. She started accusing Rio of things that he was not a part of, and she eventually moved out. Unfortunately, they were under lease, and Rio could not afford all of the expenses himself. Thankfully, the landlord is on Rio’s side and is trying to find a roommate for him. Unfortunately, David and I must pick up his new found expenses. We don’t want him to move back to Thief River Falls for two reasons. First is the proliferation of delinquent friends that seem to come around here and the attitude that he needs to be watched by the police. Second is that we want him in the school environment that’s afforded him where he is. He wants to stay because of the school and his future. We’re off to find him furniture tomorrow. We’re working on trying to keep him there, trying to help him find a roommate. The landlord offered to move him to a single bedroom apartment, but Rio can’t afford the rent all by himself. We’re still working on it. I'll be visiting Clay County (where Morehead is located) tomorrow.
    As for David and I, we want out of this place. I’ve mostly lived in larger cities and so has David. Maybe it has a lot to do with the anonymity of self and culture that large cities offer compared to small towns. My brother and I have worked out an arrangement. We had originally thought of buying a large 5th wheel trailer and truck to tour the country. We wanted to find a place to relocate to and wanted to find out where we might want to live first. That would work for us. This house has a sales value (given the repairs and upgrades that need to be made) of around $ 85,000. That means that what I own is around $ 42,500. He offered to buy me out (which I want) by giving me his 5th wheel trailer and truck and some cash as my portion. So hopefully, David and I will be out of here on Nov 1st this year on our way to investigate and enjoy the country.
    I've started writing again with the time I have now that Rio is in his own apartment. We still have to go get him in Morehead for his court appearances. It's a novel and will take some time to finish, but I think you'll like it.
    I've never lost my optimism. :)
    Richard
  2. Richard Norway

    Jullian II

    By Richard Norway,

    As many of you know, I am a foster parent. David and I have taken in kids that need help and try to make a difference in their lives. Below is a blog entry, Julian I, that I had made on AD back in June of last year. This is to help you know about Julian, a troubled kid. Following that is my blog entry as of today, Julian II.
    Julian I (June 6, 2012)
    I've always tried to keep you all up to date with what is happening with our foster boys, but Julian has been difficult so I have held off until I could try to put it all together. He came to us on Halloween morning at around 10:30 am.
    Julian was removed from our home this morning.
    I guess that needs some explanation.
    Julian is 15 years old now and this is the 23rd home that he has been in since he was 2 years old. He has no concept of what family is all about. We tried to show him that, but he never connected...until lately. I don't feel that I should go into his behaviors, but I will say that the sheriff has been involved numerous times. What I do see is a kid that needs guidance, but at his age, he's reluctant. Hell, in his mind, every adult in his life has abandoned him, so it's been a struggle.
    It was the state's decision to remove him because they felt that he needed a higher level of care. He tried to commit suicide a few weeks ago. Don't try to tell me that that wasn't traumatic on David and I. We've gotten to love this kid.
    I took him to a psychiatrist after that incident, and the psychiatrists recommendation was also for a higher level of care. He is depressed. My partner, David, has been taking meds for depression for years and is well aware of the symptoms. But Julian refuses to take any meds because his appointed attorney has told him that as he's over 14, he can refuse..which he does.
    We saw an opening in Julian that his case worker and probation office never saw. They assumed that he was a bad kid and treated him as such. We saw something different. Their approach was to give him consequences for his behavior...only. They wanted to see outcome from Julian based on fear. We believe in a nurturing approach where the out come is based on not fear of doing something wrong but to instill in him that the outcome is what he wants to do, not out of fear. We saw a breaking of his shell over the last month or so. He cried for the first time in front of me this morning when he realized that he had to leave.
    I fear for him now. The group home or shelter home that he's going to now will destroy everything that David and I have built over the last 7 months. They're going to dictate his schedule without giving him the chance to be a kid and learn how to dictate himself.
    I must agree, however, that he needs a higher level of care. We'd take him back when he's released.
    Julian II (January 13, 2013)
    I learned at young age that life can have some twists that you don’t foresee. From my last blog entry in June 2012, you learned that our foster boy, Julian, was taken from our home because his behaviors required a higher level of care that wasn’t available in a regular foster home setting. He was put in a group home with other delinquent boys, I have sense learned that the term “delinquent” is a legal definition assigned by the courts to describe a boy’s behavior.
    Julian could not follow their rules either and wanted to get out of that house as soon as he could. Because of that he was transferred to the county juvenile detention center and spent the next month or so in Jail. He was given an option to return to the group home, but refused rather to spend his time in jail.
    He was eventually transferred to an adolescent residential treatment facility for boys in Albuquerque, where he has been for the past 6 months.
    What a kid, huh? Trust and respect are very conditional qualities. They need to be earned, and he has earned neither from David nor I. But love is unconditional. It’s not earned; it’s just given. David and I love this kid and grieve for his future. I told his therapist and Julian that we would take him back if his behaviors changed for the better, his outlook for his future started looking upward, he was making strides to accomplish what he wanted to do with his life, and that he would start to love himself.
    Since my first conversation with his therapist in Albuquerque, we’ve continued to talk almost on a weekly basis. She lets me know how he’s doing, but more importantly to gather background information as to my thoughts on why he has been acting the way he has.
    She initially wanted to keep him there until possibly May of 2013, but on December 1st she informed me that he has changed so much that she wants to release him before Christmas.
    Now, I don’t believe that people can fundamentally change. They are so engrained with their past experiences that fundamental changes are not possible. Oh, they may change their outward actions and make you think that they have changed, but it’s really accepting the way of normal action whether they believe them or not. Getting used to acting out normally over a long period of time will eventually become part of who they are strictly by reputation and then become a part of their past experiences.
    Okay, David and I had doubts. We had only heard his therapist telling us over the phone how he has changed. I said I believe her, but I needed to see it for myself (and I’m NOT from Missouri). He turned 16 on November 23, 2012, and David, Ray (our other foster boy (10 years old)) and I drove up to Albuquerque and took him to lunch for a birthday present. But more importantly, I wanted to see him and how he had changed.
    OMG. I think they killed off the old Julian and replaced him with someone else, even though he looked like the old Julian. We saw a kid that for the first time was able to interact with us and be a part of the conversation. Ray has looked up to him as a big brother, and he engaged Ray in conversation as if they were actual siblings. He talked about his plans for his future, something that he never thought he had before…a future. Many other clues as to his this change would be novel length, but to say that I was completely surprised is an understatement.
    We had Julian here in Las Cruces for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Again it was another surprise. Last year at Christmas, he dished up his plate for dinner and then went to his room to eat…alone. This year he was a part of our family.
    Julian came down to be with us this weekend on another pass from where he was living. We had made the decision that we would take him back. It was also heartwarming to hear from his therapist that Julian idolized us and would go to no other home.
    Julian has changed, but his change is not in his behaviors. His change is in an increased sense of self-worth which then changes his behaviors. He was now starting to believe that he meant something to this world. Don’t get me wrong though. He’s still 16 years old with all of the uncertainties of growing up, but he is now approaching the more normal level of fear of uncertainties.
    Julian will transition back to our home on January 26th, and we feel that we have our son back. Those of you that are parents will know how David and I feel right now.
    We can all make a difference in the lives of young people that will lead this country into further greatness, but much more importantly, lead young people into the greatness that is their destiny.
  3. Richard Norway
    I've always tried to keep you all up to date with what is happening with our foster boys, but Julian has been difficult so I have held off until I could try to put it all together. He came to us on Halloween morning at around 10:30 am.
    Julian was removed from our home this morning.
    I guess that needs some explanation.
    Julian is 15 years old now and this is the 23rd home that he has been in since he was 2 years old. He has no concept of what family is all about. We tried to show him that, but he never connected...until lately. I don't feel that I should go into his behaviors, but I will say that the sheriff has been involved numerous times. What I do see is a kid that needs guidance, but at his age, he's reluctant. Hell, in his mind, every adult in his life has abandoned him, so it's been a struggle.
    It was the state's decision to remove him because they felt that he needed a higher level of care. He tried to commit suicide a few weeks ago. Don't try to tell me that that wasn't traumatic on David and I. We've gotten to love this kid.
    I took him to a psychiatrist after that incident, and the psychiatrists recommendation was also for a higher level of care. He is depressed. My partner, David, has been taking meds for depression for years and is well aware of the symptoms. But Julian refuses to take any meds because his appointed attorney has told him that as he's over 14, he can refuse..which he does.
    We saw an opening in Julian that his case worker and probation office never saw. They assumed that he was a bad kid and treated him as such. We saw something different. Their approach was to give him consequences for his behavior...only. They wanted to see outcome from Julian based on fear. We believe in a nurturing approach where the out come is based on not fear of doing something wrong but to instill in him that the outcome is what he wants to do, not out of fear. We saw a breaking of his shell over the last month or so. He cried for the first time in front of me this morning when he realized that he had to leave.
    I fear for him now. The group home or shelter home that he's going to now will destroy everything that David and I have built over the last 7 months. They're going to dictate his schedule without giving him the chance to be a kid and learn how to dictate himself.
    I must agree, however, that he needs a higher level of care. We'd take him back when he's released.
  4. Richard Norway
    Last night our GLBTQ Community Center was vandalized. Someone used a gear shaft from an automobile transmission to smash our front window. We have been open for two years, and this was the first example of homophobia that we have experienced. Actually, I had expected it sooner, and I think it's a good sign that it hasn't happened sooner.
    Here's a picture of the damage. Notice the gear shaft lying on the sidewalk.
    Of course, our local police took the report, but I'm not sure if anything will happen. They didn't even take the gear shaft in for evidence.
    We'll be contacting the local newspaper and PBS radio station. We have friends at the PBS radio and television station that would love to do a story about this.
    Okay, someone tell me how to get the picture posted. I tell it where to find the pic, but...no pic in the preview.
    Richard
  5. Richard Norway
    Luggie wants highlights, so here goes...
    I don't think I want to drive that many miles in two days each way with a 9 year boy and and two dogs again. But it was fun. Ray was remarkable. i only heard, "Are we there yet?" once in the two days up there and then again once on the way back. We had brought plenty of things for him to do...toys, snacks, a portable DVD player so he could watch movies, and of course plenty of rest stops.
    On the second day, Shilow (our 12 year old border collie) started whining, and I figured that he needed to go pee, so I started looking for a rest stop. Ray was asleep in the back of the minivan under a blanket when Shilow had had enough waiting and went and pooped on top of the blanket. Well, that sure woke Ray up. LOL
    Entering North Dakota, I saw black smoke rising to my right. I thought it was Luggie sending smoke signals as he said and thought it must have been him as the radio said it was an auto repair shop that had caught on fire. But Mi was too far away.
    The room at the casino in Minnesota was HUGE with a fireplace and balcony. Ray, of course, had to pick his bed first off right next to the balcony. Once there, Ray met his cousin (my 9 year old grandson :D ) and they hit it off. It took my daughter and I half an hour to drag them out of the water park in the hotel.
    The wedding was held outdoors at the bride's parents farm. Of course I followed my brothers directions on how to find the farm and was 30 min late so we missed the ceremony. But everyone was there only for the typical huge party afterwards, so we didn't miss much. Ray hasn't been on a farm before and was fascinated. He and his cousin, along with 4 or 5 other boys, eventually found the paths through the woods behind the house leading to the plowed fields where they scrounged wood, hey and brush to build a fort in the trees and brush at the edge of the field. Ray was so proud that he sought me out to bring me there to show it to me.
    The nest day (Sunday) I took Ray (along with my daughter and grandson) to my brother's other daughter's farm. She married a guy who's father was killed in a car accident about 4 years ago and they inherited their 5,000 + acre farm. First Ray and Joseph) (my grandson :D ) went to the hay barn and climbed hay bales stacked up to the rafters. Since it's a farm, one of the kids there (10 y/0) took the gang of kids on a 4 wheel tour of the farm. Ray got in the cab of a huge combine and got to sit in the drivers seat. Later on we took him to the horse barn where he got to feed hay to the horses in their stalls. I have videos of his excitement.
    Now this is something that I disagree with but must follow their rules. CFP here in New Mexico won't let me show you pics or videos of Ray for confidentiality reasons.
    Anyway, we didn't have time to go fishing on Lake Of The Woods, but my brother fired up his pontoon boat and we took Ray fishing on the Thief River that runs through town. Ray was the only one that got a strike, but it was gone by the time he reeled in his line. My brother put Ray in the drivers seat and showed him how to steer the boat for awhile. What a determined look he had on his face driving that boat down the river at 9 years old. We even stopped to watch 5 turtles sunning themselves on a tree branch on the bank of the river.
    We left the next morning (Monday) and headed for the Black Hills of South Dakota. After we checked into the motel outside of Sioux Falls, Ray and I went to the market to get snacks for the night. When we returned we found that our 7 month old puppy (Teddy) had pooped on the carpet. Oh well, it wasn't soupy so easy to clean up.
    When Ray saw the 4 president's faces on the mountain for the first time, he stopped, starred at them and his only word was, "Awesome." We took the audio tour of the park with a hand held virtual tour guide.
    We drove the whole way from the Black Hills to Las Cruces, NM the next day. Needless to say, we slept immediately upon returning.
    It was a wonderful trip. Blame Luggie if this turned into a long post. :D
    Richard
  6. Richard Norway

    An Amazing Auto Trip

    By Richard Norway,

    Don't know why I'm writing this now as I should be in bed getting some much needed sleep. You see, tomorrow I'm going to pack my minivan, get Ray up (he's my 9 year old foster boy) and hit I-25. We're heading for Northern Minnesota. He's so excited that he even had a temper tantrum tonight about getting his things packed (lots of toys, of course).
    What an adventure!
    You see, my nephew (my brother's boy) is getting married, and my daughter is driving up from Michigan, and she has a 9 year old son (my grandson :D ), and Ray so wants to meet them and play with Joseph (my grandson :D ).
    Now here's the kicker. My dad is 91 (and is still planning on going hunting again this Fall, and as all retired people, he has a lot of free time on his hands, so he goes to the casino 2-3 times a week (and never seems to loose, the creep). He has enough points built up that he has purchased us a room at the casino hotel. Now, Ray is not excited about that, but he is excited that the casino hotel has an indoor water park.
    We'll be staying in a hotel in Nebraska the first night. and then on to Northern Minnesota the second day. I've already been promised a fishing trip for Walleye on Lake Of The Woods and even a fishing trip on a pontoon boat on the Thief River. Ray's going be loving it.
    On the way back to Las Cruces, NM, we're going to stop at Mount Rushmore, SD...blow the kid's mind.
    I've contacted Ray's teachers and now have a full set of lessons for him to complete on the drive up and back. The hardest part was getting the judge to agree to my transporting him across state lines. He is a ward of the state, but that came through today. They took their sweet time!
    So, now I'm off to bed.
    Richard
  7. Richard Norway
    Some may say that I'm blowing my own horn, but I'm so proud of the effort of a lot of people that I want to share it with you. As most of you know. David and I are on a quest, and that quest is to create a GLBTQ sense of community in New Mexico. We opened the first GLBTQ Community Center in New Mexico a year ago. Our goal over the next 10 years is to open a total of 6 community centers across the state. Well, number two is now in the works. Below is a copy of the press release that we issued today.
    NEW MEXICO GLBTQ CENTERS
    Press Release
    Contact: David Stocum FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
    Phone: Cell (575) 373-8587
    Gallup To Get State?s Second GLBTQ Community Center
    (Las Cruces and Gallup) ? New Mexico Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender and Questioning/Queer (GLBTQ) Centers a Las Cruces based nonprofit announced plans to open the Gallup LGBTQ Center, as the second of six regional centers planned for New Mexico. New Mexico GLBTQ Centers Executive Director, David Stocum and Gallup Regional Operating Committee Chair, Jordon Johnson, will make the announcement July 30th during the Gallup Pride day from 10:00 AM to 3:00 PM in downtown Gallup.
    ?This is another huge step toward our long-term goal of a network of GLBTQ community centers across the state,? said Stocum. ? In the past year since opening the first center in Las Cruces we have been with a few groups around the state seeking to be home to the second center,? Stocum continued, ? We are pleased to announce the Gallup committee are the first ones to officially sign an affiliation agreement.?
    Johnson stated, ? This is very exciting and a recognized need for the GLBTQ community in Gallup and surrounding area.? He continued, ? We?re delighted to be collaborating with many local partners and community members in developing this center in Gallup. It is a wonderful opportunity to build on the goal as well as be a part of the New Mexico GLBTQ Centers.?
    ?As a member of the community I am very excited to be a part of this tremendous development,? states Stella Martin, a longtime community member. She continues, ?Over the years I have witnessed our local LGBTQ community rise and shine. The center will not only be for Gallup but for our surrounding communities, and all the visitors who have the opportunity to witness the beauty and culture of our home. I am overwhelmed to witness the power of progress, and honor the courage of our current LGBTQ leaders from Gallup Pride to Gallup PFLAG. Let us all continue to move forward with the brilliance of building a healthy and stronger community.?
    Planning and fund raising has begun and an opening date will be announced soon. The first public meeting for the local community to provide input regarding the Gallup LGBTQ Center will be Thursday August 18th from 5:30 to 7:00 p.m. in the Rehoboth McKinley Christian Hospital Solarium Room. The Gallup LGBTQ Center Regional Operating Committee will have a benefit show to honor Mattee Jim and her work in the community on Saturday August 27th at the El Morro Theatre starting at 7:00 p.m.
    New Mexico GLBTQ Centers? vision is for six Regional GLBTQ Community Centers with outreach to rural areas; quality needs based programs and services and advancing a New Mexico where everyone is treated with respect and fairness. It is a model that can be repeated in other rural states. New Mexico GLBTQ Centers mission is to reduce homophobia and enrich the lives of individuals living in New Mexico who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning through education, advocacy, support, example and collaboration.
    ~ END~
  8. Richard Norway
    Well, here we go. It is now five days until the performance of Dear Harvey. It'll be this Sunday at 2:00pm, a matinee performance. I think I've done everything I could do to promote this play. The theater usually puts out 70 posters around town for other performances, but I put out 96...it's everywhere. As my cast is all high school students, I even got permission to post the posters in all 5 high schools in Las Cruces.
    You will obviously get from this post that it's gate time and I'm as nervous as hell..
    The theater holds 422 people, and I calculated (rather hoped for) 150 people to attend. It's the grandest theater in Las Cruces, closed in 1982 as too old, renovated to it's grandeur and reopened 2 years ago. We're planning a "meet and greet the cast" reception following the performance at the theater. If I can expect 150 to buy tickets and attend then maybe 1/2 or 75 will stay for the reception. That's the food that I've ordered...for 75. What happens if we fill this theater? It holds 422 people. I'm going to run out of food. Las Cruces is known for people not ordering tickets in advance, they just show up. What happens if we fill this theater? I'm going to run out of food. What happens if no one shows up? I'm going broke. What happens if the show flops and no one wants to contribute? I'm broke. Remember, this is a fundraiser for our Centers youth center.
    I have a full head of hair, even at my age, but I'm pulling it out quickly. I've never produced a play before, and I would like to know if other producers go through the same anxiety.
    The cast is great, the director is so talented and we've had tons of community support. So why am I a total wreck?
    These kids are so into this play now after not knowing who Harvey Milk was that I have decided to buy them all polo shirts with the play's logo silk screened on the front. We're having our full dress rehearsal this Saturday, and I'm going to give them out then.
    Most of these kids have never been to this theater, so we held a rehearsal there tonight. They were in awe with the place. Katy (the director) and I sat in mid theater and found out that the acoustics were so much better that projection (which has always been a problem) was not an issue,
    There is a PowerPoint projection of slides during the performance of Harvey and his times behind the actors. The tech guy has worked out a way to show the slides above the actors and place them at locations where the actors are vacant that it comes across wonderfully...no shadows of the actors or slides in their faces.
    I had a scare today. We had a production meeting 4 weeks ago and it was agreed that the school, Alma d'arte, would do the programs. I found out tonight that nothing has been done on them...panic time. Katy has already put together the program and all she needs to be done is have the school print them. whew!
    These kids are stressed. Graduation from high school is the night before the performance. on Saturday. So at the final dress rehearsal on Saturday, I'm going to give each one of them a white polo shirt with the play's logo silk screened on the front. I'm also going to ask them to wear them during the "meet and greet the cast" so that they can be identified. I want people to know what a great job that they did and to have them tell of their experience about understanding who Harvey Milk was what what he stood for to the audience. This is all about education.
    My most challenging thing is to find bullhorns to borrow. Harvey used a bullhorn when he addressed crowds. The police and fire departments don't use them anymore. I had approached the local school, but they don't know me. I wouldn't loan my equipment to someone that I didn't know. So, I asked the principle of Alme d'arte (for those of you who don't know this high school, it's an arts charter high school in Las Cruces) to contact the people that he knows in the other high schools to see if we could borrow their bull horns. Every athletic and band department has to have them. Well, with graduations coming up this week, he's swamped and I've not heard back from him.
    When will this frustration and anxiety end?
    But, you know something? I'm at my wits end, and...I absolutely love it. I'm so happy that this is coming together. It will happen. I think I've done all that I can do at this point and now it will just happen.
    Wish me luck. No! don't wish me luck. Send checks, cash, promissory notes for our youth center...just kidding.
    I'm actually having the time of my life.
    Richard.
  9. Richard Norway

    Dear Harvey

    By Richard Norway,

    Tomorrow starts auditions for the play Dear Harvey continuing on Monday as the actors are high school kids and they have their oun schedules and we need to give them a couple of days. I'm excited and looking forward to this. But the schedule that the director has come up with is nothing but grueling, I'm enjoying a scotch and water right now, but it will be my last until May 22nd, the day of the performance.
    Des, you can still do this, and I think you should. You'd be perfect as the one to produce this, but I understand the other things in your life taking your attention. I was able to get the script and music royalty free if I produced it with students and on Hervey's birthday, but the cost is only $ 100 US otherwise. Ticket sales should easily cover this.
    [url="http://info@playscripts.com"/url]
    These kids don't know who Harvey Milk was and it's going to be a learning and epiphany experience for them. This is one of my goals...to get his message out.
    It can be produced with little money. The biggest expense will be the theater venue, but we're hoping (as it's a fundraiser for the Centers and PFLAG) that the posters will be sponsored by a friendly printer. I have someone talking to the publicity person at the Rio Grand Theater (my venue of choice) to aid us in this effort. Haven't heard back yet, but am hopeful.
    I've never produced anything like this before, and it keeps me engaged.
    Richard
  10. Richard Norway
    Well guys and gals, I've been busy, and that's why you haven't seen me post much lately. I still read all the posts, but don't take the time I should to be a part of this community that I love and admire.
    Last year, the Harvey Milk Foundation commissioned a play to be produced and it was completed last year. I was able to acquire the script, music and photos, ROYALTY FREE, to produce the play about Harvey Milk in schools to be royalty free. It needs to be produced on Sunday, May 22, 2011, Harvey's birthday. I contacted a local charter 'arts' high school, and today about noon, they agreed that it was a good fit for them and agreed the run the show with their theater arts department. But, they also suggested that we include the other high schools in the effort. I contacted a coordinator of the GSA network in the other high schools in Las Cruces and we're good to go to get them involved.
    I am so excited about this project to help get the word out that WE are a part of our society and that we are a part of you and have something to say.
    I've never produced a play or anything like this before, and don't know what I'm facing, but I know one thing...this will be done. We're (New Mexico GLBTQ Centers) is partnering with PFLAG Las Cruces to do this, but this is a Centers project, I'm taking the lead.
    I go to bed at night and dream about the difference that one individual can make. It doesn't take much, just a commitment to what you believe in.
  11. Richard Norway
    Well, this will be probably my last thoughts on Nathaniel. He's moved on and is emerging into his 'self.' It's hard to let go of someone that you love, but I guess all parents have to go through it. Yes, he has became my son, if not legally, at least emotionally. Nathaniel and his bf moved out a week before Christmas into their first apartment. It's funny, but as much as I hated his adolescent illogical behavior and total irresponsibility, I miss having to remind him of things that he had to do.
    Yes, he has become my 'son,' and I still worry about whether he's getting to school on time, watching his budget enough, etc., but I know that I have to keep away and not interfere. They still have no transportation and David (his bf) takes the bus to work. Nathaniel doesn't work as David thinks he needs to put his energies into his school and keeping their home up. How do I say this...I want him to be who he is, but I'm scared of the possibility that he will make some wrong decisions.
    Yesterday, they got a notice taped to their apartment door that their rent was becoming past due. Nathaniel immediately called us to borrow the car to go to the bank, get the money and pay the rent. Of course we let him, but I also hope that the lesson of life sinks in...that being that life can be hard and they have to be careful.
    I'm not sure if I'll even stop worrying about him and David. They will always be in my heart.
  12. Richard Norway

    More On Nathaniel

    By Richard Norway,

    Hey, I found a few extra minutes and decided to bring you all up to date. Sorry I don't seem to find enough time to stay in contact with all of my friends here. You all need to kick me in the ass occasionally. It seems it's the only thing that works these days.
    This may be long, as I have a lot to tell you.
    Anyway...Nathaniel has been with us for quite a few months now and during that time I've found out a lot about him and more about his past. I knew that he has been running wild for the past five years without any parental guidance He's had no structure in his life so he grew up running with bad people, drinking, drugs, lieing, partying and waking up with hangovers almost every day. I knew that he was running wild, but the more he has gotten to trust me, he has opened up a lot. One of the best things is that he has found a boyfriend who Nathaniel has fallen in love with. He's had a few boyfriends in the past (and even a girlfriend), but I think that this is his first true love. OMG, it is so fun and fulfilling to watch. I really like the boyfriend. His name's David. They can't seem to be apart for a minute and when David has to go to his job, Nate is beside himself. Do you all remember your first love?
    David is with Nathaniel when I'm not and he takes on the role of watching over Nathaniel. So far he's gotten him to almost quit smoking, hounds him to try harder in school and worries when Nathaniel wants to go out and party.
    Tonight David and Nathaniel had a fight. I didn't think too much of it as they have disagreed before, but usually went for a walk and worked things out. That's what I like about them. When they have an argument (and we all do with our mates sometime), they go and talk it out. Most teens don't do that. Oh, I should mention that David is 20 y/o and will turn 21 in a couple of months. Nathaniel turned 18 on Sept 20, so his dad's power of attorney to me is now mute. Oh, I digress. More on that later.
    Back to the fight. I had been writing all day on my second book (surprise!!) and had finally quit to take my 'morning' shower at 5:00 pm. As I was dressing, I saw them return home as they ran, and I mean 'ran' past my sliding glass door to my bedroom. I wondered what was up. I finished dressing and went into my office and found the two of them there, David screaming at Nathaniel. I turned around and left to give them privacy. David stopped me and started telling me about his feelings and what Nathaniel had been doing to him...lieing. He started crying and I grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. He stayed that way until he started to calm down. You have to understand David. He's an artist and very emotional. His family life sucks, very abusive and Nathaniel is his first love, although he too had a past boyfriend. Anyway, David looked over at Nathaniel and then ran out the front door. Nathaniel went out the back door and I didn't see where he went to, but I assumed around the side of the house to be alone. A few minutes
    later they both came inside and went to Nathaniel's room and closed the door. As it was close to dinner time and my David was soon to be home from manning the phones at the Center, I started to prepare dinner. It wasn't 5 minutes later when they both came out and walked into the kitchen. David said that they have never asked a mature adult (they've GOT to be kidding...me?) for advice before. First off I was floored that they were asking. At their age, I don't think I would have the courage (or the lowering of pride) to do that. David talked, and Nathaniel, being Nathaniel, mostly listened. Okay, here I go, trying to be of some help. I explained the difference in their ages and maturity levels and that each of them has to recognize and be aware of the others background. Nate has done a lot of bad things in his past, but he IS trying to change. It won't happen over night as it's a process. I tried to explain to David that each of them is an individual and has their own background to live with. Nathaniel wants to party but is trying to find ways to keep away from the drugs and alcohol. He can't try to make him in his own image. I told Nate that David is from a background where he drank a lot but now is adversely against any form of substance abuse. They need to reach a compromise, I said that they can't reach a compromise unless they discuss their differences of opinion and try to look at where the other is coming from
    I don't know if I did any good, but I tried. Teens are just so hard to understand unless you look back at yourself. Oh God, I hope they weren't like me!
    I felt so proud that they felt a trust in me to come to me when they reached an impasse. But then I felt a fear that my advice might be wrong. Oh well, it's done and said.
    On to another thing. You all know that Nathaniel is gay and I got him enrolled in a charter arts high school. I thought that this would help him assimilate with people like him (and he wanted to make the change). It worked. He started to make friends for the first time in Las Cruces. Some of them were gay and some were straight. It was a good mix and having met them (I made sure of that), I liked all of them. But there were 3 girls at the school that kept harassing him for being gay. I didn't find out about it until he told me what they had said to him one day. The 'faggot' word was used repeatedly along with other derisive remarks about Nathaniel's dress and demeanor. I went nuts and told my David. The next day I called the principal and set an appointment to see him the following day. He knew what was coming. My David is the Executive Director of the only gay and lesbian community center in New Mexico and I'm it's Board president. He knew we had the ACLU behind us and I wasn't afraid to invoke their influence. But he had already taken action. All three girls were suspended for three days. In that time, one girl had transferred to another school. The two remaining girls were quiet for a couple of weeks, but they started in again in on Nathaniel. This time I hadn't had time to do anything. The principal talked to their parents again and another girl left the school. I'm finally starting to think that things are a lot different then when I went to school.
    I have to say that I haven't been a parent with kids under my roof for a long time. But it is so inspiring to watch young minds reaching out to be independent and adult, and also to try to be responsible adults. They are struggling with what it takes to be that way, but not knowing yet how to be that way and trying to learn, but not willing yet to admit that they don't know what the hell they're doing. I was so much like that and having Nathaniel in my home has made me think a lot about how people react and why they do the way they do,
    I love this kid...dearly...and want nothing for the best in his future. He's truly worth it.
    The next chapter is his wanting to move out to be on his own. We've discussed it and I'm (loving him as my own) scared to death that he'll not be ready. Am I a typical parent or what?
  13. Richard Norway

    A New Kid

    By Richard Norway,

    Well gang, the summer doldrums are over, at least for me. I've got a kid in school that started on August 18th so my fall started early. Oh yeah, you don't know about him yet. Well, I'll get to that, but first let me tell you about my Spring and Summer, and why I've been away.
    After 4 1/2 years of hard work, David and I have finally opened the first gay and lesbian community center in Las Cruces. No big deal you say? It is. It's the first gay and lesbian community center in Las Cruces and the only one in the state of New Mexico. I wish that you could feel the elation that I feel in being able to do something to bring the fractured and isolated GLBTQ community a hope of becoming a family...a community here in New Mexico. We incorporated in New Mexico 2 years ago and received our non-profit status from the IRS the same year. We had thought about what we wanted to do, to become, and realized that this wasn't about us...this was about the community. So, we applied for and received a grant from the Gamma Mu Foundation to do the first ever GLBTQ focused state wide needs assessment of what the community needed. We were not about to try to impose our thoughts on what was needed, but wanted to know what was REALLY needed hand carried our final report was send to every state representative and senator. Our Center programs are based on those findings of youth and seniors. We had a soft opening in March and had our official grand opening in June to coincide with the Pride picnic and march parade through downtown. We had events going from Friday through Sunday. On Friday there was a coalition building workshop where we had representatives from Equality New Mexico, PFLAG New Mexico, Interpride (the national Pride organization) and Centerlink (the national organization of gay and lesbian centers). That evening we had a family movie night. Saturday morning was our official ribbon cutting ceremony. OMG! We had sent out invitations to everybody, and guess what? They showed up. We had City officials there along with county commissioners, state representatives, representatives for our state senators, from both of our US senators, one from our US representative and someone reading a letter from our Lt. governor. This a first in New Mexico. That Saturday we had a booth at the Pride picnic in the park and offered a free shuttle service (which cost us dearly) between the park and the center, which was only a few blocks away, David manned the center while I manned the booth. Albersons market donated a marvelous cake for the open house at the center with a wonderful picture of the center on top in the frosting., Of course, we had to take home the leftovers. Saturday evening we had an invitation only reception at our home for the high rollers to get them to donate, but it wasn't attended so well. Santorini's Restaurant donated a wonderful array of Mediterranean food and Saint Clair Winery donated the wines. Sunday morning we hosted an interfaith symposium at the center where we had 7 representatives from the areas various churches come and discuss homosexuality and the church. 35 people showed up for that event, and we're continuing that dialog with the churches.
    What I'm getting from the response to our opening is that they want us here. We're the first, and I hear things like, "It's about time," We're behind you." and "What can we do to help." I'd say that I'm in 7th heaven, but I think I just passed on to number 8.
    So far we have 14 social and support groups meeting there. AA has a group meeting there, ALANON meets there along with a parenting of gay kids group, a men's group, a trans group and many others.
    I could go on and on about the groups that are meeting there, but what's more important to me is the social services that we're providing. The state health department, through a two full day training session, has certified us as an HIV testing site. We received a grant from a private foundation to initiate an HIV prevention program and counseling services are available.
    We've started a youth center to get the kids involved, but more than that, it's about them making the right choices in life, a social gathering spot, suicide prevention and life skills training.
    You all don't know how excited this 65 year old is. My dreams are coming true.
    So that's what's been taking my time away from you all.
    Okay, now on to Nathaniel.
    The two foster kids that were placed with us have moved on. One had to be admitted to a hospital because of homicidal tendencies and the other older boy moved on to independent (although transitional) housing apartments. The older boy, 18 y/o, had a friend in Albuquerque that had moved to Las Cruces. They met up again on MySpace and found out that they lived only a few blocks apart, so his friend (Nathaniel) started to spend some time at our house, One morning I saw that Nathaniel was still here. I questioned him and found out that he was afraid to go home. He was afraid of his father. David and I sat him down and explained his options (as he was now considered a runaway). We told him that his best option was to talk to his dad and work it out, which he eventually did. I asked him how it went and he said fine, but i didn't believe him.
    About a month ago, he called me at 11:00 pm on a Friday night and was in tears. He asked me if he could come over and hearing how distraught he was, I said of course, without even asking what was wrong. I walked outside and eventually saw him walk up the driveway carrying two small bags. He approached me and threw his arms around me and sobbed. I held him and it took several minutes for him to get out his story. He had an argument with his dad (and Nathaniel being gay was an issue) and his dad told him to get out, to go live with his mother. He gave him no money (she lives 3 hours away) or transportation. So, Nathaniel is now living with us. I reported his dad to CYFD (Child Youth & Family Department), our child protective services state department, as I'm a licensed foster parent and a mandatory reporter.l As far as I'm concerned, this is a clear case of abandonment. We have a meeting set up for Tuesday with dear old dad, me, and adoption agency and CYFD this coming Tuesday. My God, if Nathaniel gets hurt, right now I have no authority to get him medical attention. CYFD wants dad to sign at least a power of attorney for me. As far as I'm concerned, this kid has suffered enough and needs a family, which he's never had, and the dad can go to jail. Nathaniel agree with me
    Anyway, that's how I've got a kid living with us. I know there'll be a lot of questions from you all, so go ahead and ask. Are we at risk? Did we put ourselves in harms way? Yeah, we did. But this kid's future is more important.
  14. Richard Norway

    Nathaniel

    By Richard Norway,

    Just to let you all know, Nathaniel's dear old dad finally (It took him a week.) signed a power of attorney for me. Nathaniel goes to the doctor on Friday for the first psychical that he's ever had.
  15. Richard Norway
    Hello everyone. Not going to explain why I've not posted in a few months except to say that it's been a whurl wind around here.
    David and I have now a second foster boy placement. Actually, he's been here since mid-November. He's 18 years old, male and gay. He's had drug and alcohol abuse in his past as well as violence and flight from authority. Sounds terrible, doesn't it? David and I were sceptical at first...until we interviewed him at his rehab cewnter to see if we wanted to take him.
    He had been kicked out of his home when he was 14 years old and has been on his own ever seince...at least until he entered the juvinal justice system last Summer. He hasn't been in school for the past four years, but on his own, he went to the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque and got his GED. To me, that spoke highly of him.
    Then there was the 'violance' accusation. I found out later that his father would not and still does not accept his homosexuality. They got into an arguement on night and his dad pulled a knife on him. Erek (That's the wau he spells his name.) defended himself and hit his dad. Well, it's now on his reco9rd that he's violent. To be honest with you, this kid copes better than I do with his anger, and that I've discovered over the last three months.
    We have our ups and downs but nothing out of the ordinary when dealing with a teenager and a parent. He has the normal urges to be independent. But given that he hasn't had parental guidance for the past four year, I've been fighting tooth and nail (Don't slam me for using cliches, I will if I want too.)to get him to look at new ways of dealing with and looking at the world.
    Dustin isn't with us anymore. They reduced his medication (Abilify) by one half in December and then took him off it completely in January. Dustin started halucinating and hearing voices. The troublesome part was that the voices told him that the voice was the Devil and that he wanted Dustin to murder his mother. We've talked to Dustin about his visions for a while and when this came out, we called his trerapist. An emmergency therapy session was called and afterwards it was recommended that a higher level of treatment was called for. That meant that that night Dustin was admitted to a local mental hospital. He's been there for a week and a half now.He's due to be released in the next day or so, but he won't be coming back here. He needs constant attention and they're recommending that he be placed in a home where there are no other siblings. With Erek here, it won't work for them.
    I really feel sorry for this kid. There is a lot more to the story about his mother, father and grandmother that I won't go into, but just know that Dustin has his own problems but his past world just made it terrible. I'm going to go see him when he's placed again after the hospital.
    On a brighter note...you remember my passion to open gay and lesbian community centers here in New Mexico, well...we now have the first ever GLBTQ center opening. We have a building here in Las Cruces that we moved into last week. The City is behind us in this and we're applying for a grant from them. It won't cover everything, but it will cover our first project which is a teen centerwith programs for them.
    Our biggest fear is sustainability. We've planned to open all of the additional programs only when the funds are securred.I really want this to go. Damn, I've still got a lot of work to do.
    So...you've now heard why I've been absent here.
    Richard
  16. Richard Norway
    I usually post my experiences with having a foster son here, but tonight I'd like to say what happened to me over the last few days. As most of you know, I was in Philadelphia for a conference for the past week. When I returned, I tried to boot up my computer. NOTHING happened. I took it to my friendly computer geek and he ran a diagnostic and I found out that my hard drive was toast and also that the chip set was bad, New computer, right?
    New computer now, but all of my data was lost, like every drawing that I had produced for my engineering business over the past 6 years, plus accounting, plus my taxes, plus my writing, plus...plus...EVERYTHING!. Now that I'm retired, I hope that no one calls to get a copy of their drawings. If I don't write to anyone, it's because my contact list is gone and I have no idea how to contact you.
    But I learned something. Back up...back up...back up. My new computer is up and running and the first thing I did was to sign up for a web based backup service. I recommend it to everyone.
  17. Richard Norway

    Raising A Kid

    By Richard Norway,

    As most of you know, David and I received out "Treatment Foster Care Parent" license from the State of New Mexico over a month ago. "Treatment" means that these kids have issues. Four weeks ago, an 11 year boy named Dustin was placed in our home. I wanted to record my experience as we raised Dustin in a journal somehow, so I created a blog on a different site, but I also wanted to keep my friends here at AD up to date with what I was going through. I was just going to link my blog from the other site to AD, but then I wouldn't be able to read your wonderful, encouraging or even caustic comments. I then decided to just create my own blog here at AD.
    I have never blogged before, so when (not if) I blunder, please tell me.
    I have made 4 entries so far and the below is a way of playing 'catch up.'
    One Sick Day
    Posted by Richard Norway, Aug 28 2009, 08:26 PM
    Okay, you experts tell me how this friggin thing works. :rant I've never used one of these blogs before, so put up with me.
    So, Dustin woke up and came into my home office (where I was drowning myself in caffeine) and complained of having a sore throat, coughing, diarrhea all night and feeling like poop. It was obvious to me that he didn't want to go to school today. I mean, I've done it. Haven't you all done it too?
    I look at him suspiciously. God, he was almost pleading now, so I KNEW it was because he didn't want to go to school. Kids can be so conniving. I remember well. And being the tough, uncaring, mean foster dad that I am, I relented and said, "Yeah, you can stay home, but we're going to the doctor's this morning." I got an appointment for 11:45 this morning and off we went. On the way there, he said, "I really feel better now." Now I was convinced!!
    The doctor looked him over, frowned while he listened to his stethoscope, and told me that he has a cold. He's congested and the draining is causing him to cough. Also he explained the diarrhea is from a change in diet. You see, we don't drink sodas anymore but lots of juices: orange, apple, pomegranate, etc. and so much juice gave him loose stools.
    Damn. I was wrong and the kid was right. He was kinda sick. I'm glad that I'm also cautious and took him to the doctor.
    On the way back home, he turns to me and says, "I told you so."
    Two Days Sick
    Posted by Richard Norway, Aug 31 2009, 10:52 PM
    This blog may be developing into a soap opera.
    Two things happened today:
    1. I got a call from the school nurse. Okay, he's (Dustin) had a hand chopped off, I'm thinking. No, he's in there for pain in is rear end. Seems that the meds he's taking constipate him, so he's developed hemorrhoids. Geez, an 11 year old with hemorrhoids. Well, I pick him up at school and we head for Wallgreens drugstore (an apothecary or chemist for you Brits) to get some Prep H. When we got home I try to explain what's happening to him. It was, "Dad, I don't want to talk about it."
    Damn, I had to explain what hemorrhoids were and what you had to do to treat them. I explained that you have to spread this stuff on your butt, not just 'on,' but inside! He freaked just like I would have at that age. But he chose to do it himself rather than have me help him...thank God. He hated it, but he did it. This is a great kid, not because he didn't want me to help him , but because he's independent enough to try things on his own.
    2: Tonight was also an open house at his school to meet his teachers and classes. I felt so out of place because education has changed so much since I went to school. He's in 'special ed' because of his challenges, but...and this is a big but...they are keeping him up with his peers so he is with them, but with individual treatment.
    Something happened tonight that sent tears to my eyes. It was in his math class. The teacher pointed everyone's eyes to a poster on the board that spoke of the values that she expected in the classroom. It was about respect to the other students, etc, But Dustin (damn I'm so proud, not for what I did, but because of who he is) raised his hand.
    The teacher asked him what he wanted. He said, "May I read that?"
    SHIT!! He got up and read that to all the parents and students there. Tears were in my eyes, but not just mine. I looked around and every parent was also crying. He got an applause from everyone.
    I may not have this kid forever as the agency wants to repatriate him with his mother, but if she can't be a proper mother (the reason he was taken away), this kid is mine!!!
    A New School
    Posted by Richard Norway, Sep 8 2009, 09:23 PM
    I can't believe how easy it is to manipulate a kid, or for them to manipulate their parents.
    Last week as Dustin and I were driving to school, he tells me, "I'm not in the right place." I ask him, "What do you mean, 'not in the right place?" His answer was that he felt that he should be with God and not here.
    Oh shit! This kid is thinking of killing himself, rambled through my brain. I asked him why he wants to be with God. And his answer was that no one wants him here.
    As soon as I got home, I called his case worker and we set up a time for him to see his therapist that afternoon. It turns out that he has been bullied at school. The next day, I went to the school and reported the bullying, but didn't feel comfortable with the school counselors response. He was going to take action, he told me, but I still felt uncomfortable. I had the feeling that he was all words.
    I discussed this with his case worker, and we agreed that he should change schools. I live in a district that is different than the one that he is currently attending, so we agreed that she would discuss this with his bio-mother, as she still has control. As you all know now, she's really not able to make rational decisions.
    But she agreed, and today I yanked Dustin out of his present school and enrolled him in the middle school in my district. I went to the school this morning and met with his future counselor and future special ed teacher and we worked out a plan for Dustin. I was relieved and actually very satisfied with his new school. The counselor actually said to me that he knew of the inner city school that he was going to and that he would be better off getting out of that environment.
    Dustin was elated that he would be going to a new school As soon as he was released from his old school, I took him to meet his new teacher and counselor. His counselor was busy with another parent (with a police officer in the room), so we left and talked with the head counselor to get him registered.
    I am really happy for him. Dustin may now be in an environment that will be able to help him.
    Of course when he got his final grades from his teachers (part of the sign out process), he got one B, one B+ and 4 A's. Not bad, huh?
    Well, he remembered a promise that we had made with him about if his grades were all B and above, we would do something special. And the special treat was a movie out tonight. He's still mad at me because tonight's a school night and the movie let out too late. We agreed on the weekend we woud do this.
    Football
    Posted by Richard Norway, Sep 17 2009, 12:18 AM
    I know most of you don't like football, but it was the best decision that we have made, to put Dustin on a team for his school. You wouldn't believe what we went through to find a uniform for him. Most of them wouldn't fit because of his stomach hanging over (yes he's quite over weight) , but we found one (after three buys) that worked. This is so great that he will get the exercise that he has never gotten.
    But Dustin is not a wall flower. I guess I should tell you what happened on Monday. It was his first football practice, a week after the rest of the team had started. That was due to his transferring to this school last week. Anyway, the rest of the kids had a week of practicing in shorts ( this is New Mexico, okay, it's hot). So Dustin shows up in full uniform and wants to do what the rest of the kids are doing. I left the practice to get dinner ready, but when I returned one hour later, the coach came running over to me to speak to me. He told me that Dustin had almost collapsed during the warm ups and that he was incoherent. He said that he was diabetic, which no one told me about. Shit!
    They called an ambulance and he was taken to Mountain View Medical Hospital. Well, I think I broke every traffic law getting there.
    When I got there, emergency admitting said they had no record him. SHIT! The receptionist finally (after me going ballistic) called back to the admitting area and found him and that the computer had not yet been updated with his admission. They then let me through the secured doors.
    I found Dustin on a gurney in front of the receptiomn counter. My first thought was to ask him how he felt, How frigging stupid. This was a kid that was probably scared out of his mind at where he was and didn't want reality...he wanted love, family. He saw me and told everyone around him that his dad was here. God, he looked so scared.
    Reality...Dustin suffered heat exhaustion or even heat stroke. The diabetes thing...his grandmother told him that if he didn''t lose weight, he would get diabetes. Dustin had no concept of what diabetes was and assumed that he had it, In reality, he DIDN'T have diabetes.
    Of course the coaches freaked and called the ambulance when he told them that. His blood sugar is normal as were the rest of the tests. He just wasn't ready for the exhaustion of football practice.
    But this kid is a doer. He tries so hard and wants to learn. I wish I had his drive at his age.
    So yeah, I'm a dad now, again. Do you know what a wonderful frigging feeling that is to have an impact on another human beings life?

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