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Tragic Rabbit

LAIKA by Elecivil

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EleCivil, you've done one of the best jobs I've seen of describing how it feels to start falling for a friend...and to be pulled both ways, comfortable and not, to realize that means you like guys, certainly one guy.

The Weasel? Yeah, I just never thought of it that way. Thank you, thank you, for giving me a good laugh from thinking of that Abdomen Weasel of Insecurity.

The killer mutant snowman and the Crowbar bit, loved those too.

But that's all just the icing on the cake (or the snow on the lawn). The real story's... well, it's more than just a cake or a lawn or a road. It's definitely about a couple of introspective guys and their friends.

"Crowbar" is going to have some things to think about, if he isn't already. There's that mysterious painting too.

Keep up the good work.

:: hands the Weasel a drawing pad and markers ::

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Thanks, everybody! :D

the Abdomen-Weasel of Insecurity

victor.gif

Haha. I like it, but he looks a bit cheerful to burrow into your abdomen. I'll admit, I pictured the Weasel looking a bit more like this:

screeching_weasel.jpg

Write faster, dammit. :) :) :)

But if I do it now, all the guys'll make that whip-cracking gesture...

But I guess, since you said the magic word ("dammit"?), I'll get to work. :shock:

-EC

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Woof.

Translated from dog-speak, I'm sure that's a big, long paragraph. Maybe even a whole thesis. Either that, or the dog wants grilled sirloin. Hey, I want grilled sirloin too. Huh? Wha...?

Oh yeah, the story! Right, right.

Oh, heheh, so now we have some idea of why the story has its title, and it fits...maybe more than just Brandon. Who else I think it fits, I'll keep to myself and see which one(s) I get right.

Brandon's flustered, even Mark is flustered, and we get to see a plot complication or two introduced.

Socks. "Mismatched" socks. Ohhh. :lightbulb: Now I get it! -- So... how do you feel about same-socks marriage? ;D

I'm not sure where the story is going (OK, I have a guess or two) but I'm enjoying the ride. Keep going, EleCivil, I want to see what's next.

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(Heh. Blue beat me to it this time - guess I'm getting slow) :cat:

It's up. You know the drill - go now and read Chapter 5. I'll wait...

Back? Okay, this was just cool. From the utterly neat new background image, to EleCivil's inestimable prose, this was a delight as always.

I think I'm finally getting my head around what makes me love this story so much. It's the sheer originality of it - there's remarkably little (practically nothing, in fact) which is generic or mundane. Even the plot has character. It all feeds into a sense of watching something real. Every chapter seems to have at least a dozen little touches that elevate this above the ordinary and make it an unalloyed joy to read.

Somebody find this guy a publisher, and soon. I'd happily pay real money for this stuff in print.

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So... how do you feel about same-socks marriage? ;D

*Falls over*

:cat:

the utterly neat new background image

Gotta give props to the Dude for that one. Great find, Sir Dudeness.

I'd happily pay real money for this stuff in print.

Money? For writing? But wouldn't that make me some kind of...prose-titute? *Ducks tomatoes*

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I love the story so far and am completely enthralled with Mark. He is just quirky as hell. I love the part about putting on the bike helmet during the sex talk. All the Ritalin in the world couldn?t slow down his mind.

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I love the story so far and am completely enthralled with Mark. He is just quirky as hell. I love the part about putting on the bike helmet during the sex talk. All the Ritalin in the world couldn?t slow down his mind.

I agree -- that was one of those priceless little scenes that sticks in the mind. Of course, EleCivil has so many of those in his stories.... :D

Graeme :)

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The little dog laughed, to see such a sight,

And the dish ran away with the spoon.

When's the next chapter? Soon?

:: can of Alpo or a steak for the dog. ::

:: Pepto-Bismol for that Abdomen Weasel of Anxiety. Or whatever it is weasels eat. ;) (Mice and such, I think.) ::

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Or whatever it is weasels eat. ;) (Mice and such, I think.)

Weasels eat chickens, or didn't you watch Loony Toons?

Anyway, that is entirely off topic. And I, too, am wondering when the next chapter will be out.

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To everyone asking about the next chapter: Soon!

I'm hoping to finish it up tomorrow, Tuesday at the latest. This one's gone through a lot of re-writes.

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To everyone asking about the next chapter: Soon!

We are all eager for the next part of the story, but please don't feel rushed. I'd rather wait another month and get a kick-ass chapter than get a crummy one tomorrow. So, take your time and make sure it is what you want.

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All right, I take it back. I thought this chapter was all but finished, but it still feels too choppy and disjointed to me. I'm going to go back and smooth this sucker out. It'll be a little while longer.

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No, no. Chapter 4 is not necessarily too choppy and disjointed. From where I sit, it just sets up what's going to happen in the next chapter. But Chapter 5 better be damned good. You've set up a bunch of pivotal elements, and you're going to have to resolve at least one of them:

1) Bran is on the verge of telling somebody about himself.

2) his brother is still in the dark.

3) he's going to hit on (and/or hook up with) somebody in the band.

So to me, it's not bad at all. Keep going!

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Er, I think EleCivil meant Chapter 6, and Pecman probably did too. Five is already posted.

I didn't find 4 or 5 too choppy. I think that may even show us how Bran is trying to figure himself out, so that these are the parts that he found significant or that he's working through.

I think Bran's feelings for Nick are stronger than anything that hasn't started yet with any of the band members, such as the guy with the safety pin jacket. (Sorry, I've been reading other stuff. Guess I need to list the chars. Not your fault.)

I also think Bran isn't quite ready to admit that what he feels for Nick is what it is. I get the impression Bran's still trying to figure out what it is and how to deal with it. -- Yes, I know he's confided in Dixie and trying to face up to it himself. But it seems like Bran is just starting to accept this, or hasn't yet. -- Or am I reading myself into Brandon? Could be.

We don't know much about what Nick is like. That's clearly on purpose.

We don't know the band enough yet, but Bran is settling in quickly. That could go all kinds of ways. Clearly the friendships aren't solid yet, except with Bran, his brother, and Dixie, and getting there with Nick.

I agree, I think Bran's brother is going to be surprised when Bran comes out. He doesn't act like he has any clue about it...hmm...except that it's because of him that Bran met Nick. So maybe. I dunno.

:smirk: I'm clueless too. I think this has struck close to home and I'm still figuring me out. So if I'm babbling incoherently, well, hand me some mismatched socks, will ya?

Looking forward to the next chapter, but only when you're ready, EleCivil. We'd all rather get it when you're satisfied with it.

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Er, I think EleCivil meant Chapter 6

Yep.

I think I've pinpointed exactly what's been bugging me about six.

When I was writing L&L, I used a lot of quick cuts between scenes - cuts from not-quite-the-end of one conversation on one day into the middle of a conversation the next day between two completely different people - stuff like that. Only, it didn't bother me so much, since it was in third person. You could kind of assume that while one scene is happening, other stuff is still going on. With first person narration, where it's all coming from the same point of view, it gets to feeling really disjointed after a little while. To me, at least.

Yahah. Now that I know what's wrong with it, I can go fix it!

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That was often my biggest problem with NB, for the same reason. Scene transitions feel different in first person vs third person.

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I know it's been said again and again, but DAMN! Elecivil, this is a really, really good chapter.

Did you ever watch footage of Horowitz playing the piano? He was a technician--every note perfect, no expression on his face, very little emotional content. But if you watched his hands, they were light, light, light on the keyboard--springy and agile, and always dead on. That part of his performance reminds me of this chapter. It's screwball, fresh, and absolutely charming.

cheers!

aj

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I'm starting to go into "Laika Withdrawal"!!! :(

That's right. It's been 2 weeks since you said you would fix it, and we are all on edge. You'd better have a good excuse like finals or something. (I know I do.)

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He's probably busy with classes and work, guys. Plus, he's told us he wants this chapter to be up to his own standards. Those are all good reasons.

I'm eager to see the next chapter too.

Hey, EC, it doesn't have to be perfect. But yeah, it does have to be the story in the way that you want to tell it.

He probably had to buy more socks to mix and match; shoelaces too.

Maybe he had to buy ink for the printer -- those ink cartridges are a pain.

Oh, wait, I know -- weasel chow! He had to buy weasel chow.

:lol: :pirate:

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