LAIKA by Elecivil

[Paul]

Man, it just keeps getting better. Some great touches, like:

Well, at least I learned that I speak like a scratched CD when I’m nervous. This is good, because I had just been thinking that I could use something new to be self-conscious about.

I know the feeling!

Or the hilarious lion exchange in the hallway. Exhilarating, actually, seeing something unfold before you like this, sort of like a jazz musician taking off on a riff and spinning something exquisite out of thin air. And all for a purpose: it makes these characters living human beings, illustrates their personal connection more immediately tangible than paragraphs of introspective self-analysis.

If this sounds like a gushing rave, so be it. I really, really like your writing.

[JamesSavik]

From Chapter XI

?Oh. I?m supposed to witness to you. My Dad says that we?re not supposed to refuse to talk to?heathens,? His eyes rolled before dropping back to the ground, ?But that if we have to talk to you, it should be about Jesus. But, you guys already know the story, right??

?Yeah.? Mark said. ?He died and came back to save everyone. Like RoboCop.?

EleCivil, you rock!

This was priceless. Needless to say, I have met the type in Mississippi.

If Nick starts handling snakes, Brandon should run.

[blue]

Chapter 11 was worth the wait. What a great mix of EleCivil's smart humor, surprising reveals, and ability to show the contrasts within people: cool without thinking they are; vulnerable but brave; sensitive but strong.

As good or better, he's writing about one guy who's wandering through, kind of clueless in a likeable way, and another guy who's been pushed so far down, yet just might be beginning to find his way up.

EleCivil's take on Brandon and Nick reminds me a lot of myself. -- This was the second time he's written something, I've read it and thought, "how did he know what was going on in my head as a teen?" -- I have occasionally seen glimpses of characters similar to me in other stories, but Laika has come very close to the real me a couple of times now, once in Brandon and once with Nick. -- So... Thanks, EC, :hugs: . You rock.

I'm sure most people loved the running comments Bran always makes in his head, and the byplay with his brother and friends. (The noodle joke, the lion dialogue, it was all good.)

So instead I'll comment on two subtle things that stuck out there for me.

First, Brandon notices the art hallway, comments on writing and art (yay, EC!), and then says how no one has lifted the art supplies. EC has obviously hung around artists and writers and band members. Not that someone might not "liberate" some supplies some time, but it'd never occur to most of them. They'd just know they and their artist friends would *need* those. -- And then he goes on to wonder if someone put up some grafitti or spraypainted art and framed it, if anyone would think it was inappropriate, the difference between grafitti and art. -- That made me go, "Huh? Oh wow! How *cool!*" -- Thanks, EC.

Second, the encounter with Nick's mom and all Nick's "stuff" before and after. I feel sorry for Nick's parents in the story, but I feel more for Nick's predicament. I was reminded of two friends who had focused themselves so much on their narrow ideas of God and finding fault with others that they forgot to see the beauty and fun in the world or the perfect things in others. I personally think that the Big Guy (or Big Girl) will have a few things to tell them someday. ...And I hope they figure it out beforehand. -- It's good to see someone point that out, subtly. -- Too much info? -- Well, anyway, thanks, EC.

[Jason Rimbaud]

Reason's I haven't read Laika before today

#1: I couldn't pronounce the title

But after I read James' post earlier today, the bit about Jesus

coming back to save everyone like Robocop peeked my interest.

And then after I read Blue's post, I figured this might be something

I have to check out.

In a way I was lucky, I had ten chapters to read all at once, unlike

the rest of you that had to wait between posts.

I've been a bit depressed lately but after reading Laika, I couldn't help

but laugh. It's bloody brilliant. I don't see myself in the story though, I could

never be that witty or funny.

What an incredible story you have Elecivil, I don't care that I can't

pronounce the title. From the opening paragraph you've balanced

internal monologue with crisp, witty, entertaining narrative that flows

from the page right into my brain. I haven't laughed this hard in weeks.

The whole lion thing...damn. I guess like the rest of Awesome Dude,

I am now a Ele'unatic.

Jason R.

[RMiller]

Robocop? Que Diablo!

Well, that last chapter was a treat. Mark brightens up any chapter and it was really fun to have him back. And the interactions between Brandon and Nick were adorable and I totally want to see more. And I really love your portrayal of the Baptist Inquisition. I have seen it first-hand, and I never knew that full-immersion was a big deal until then. Hope you have the energy left to write the next one soon.

And as far as my end of the deal goes, I have had a hard time writing a good chapter to follow up the last one. It?s hard to go from a blatant cliffhanger to something that doesn?t drop the ball on the action or the plot. That, and I have lost the disk that has all my stuff on it. Sorry, but it could be a while.

But that Robocop bit was really priceless.

[EleCivil]

Thanks, everybody! You guys are so awesome.

I am now a Ele'unatic.

I have had a hard time writing a good chapter to follow up the last one. It’s hard to go from a blatant cliffhanger to something that doesn’t drop the ball on the action or the plot. That, and I have lost the disk that has all my stuff on it. Sorry, but it could be a while.

Yeah, I know how that goes. No worries - take whatever time you need. I know I did.

[RMiller]

Yeah, I know how that goes. No worries - take whatever time you need. I know I did.

Nix that. I just wrote Chapter 10 from what I remembered and sent it to The Dude. He hasn't posted it yet, but I sent you a copy.

I hope I don't get vehement e-mails this time.

[Tim the Traveller]

Elecivil, You are awesome! I laughed and had to reread more than one paragraph. I've been reading alot lately, And there is a big lack of humor in gay fiction on the net. I really look forward to every new chapter you post. I know I will have at least one good laugh every time I see a new chapter from you. Thank You!

[RMiller]

You?re just going to make us wait a whole month before the next part? And after such an entertaining and seemingly-pivotal chapter?

I hope you know this means more cameos.

xXOneWingAngelXx

[blue]

His roommates must've sorted his sock drawer, and it's thoroughly discombobulated him. How's a guy supposed to write with socks that match?

I have just discovered a horrible paradox. If you go without socks, you're into naked socks, but that's a socks-less existence. What a confusing socks life that would be.

Wait a minute, that seems somehow familiar. Eegad, and I keep my socks in drawers in my...closet. OK, this could require some reorganizing!

[RMiller]

Socks to your paradox, socks to your closet and socks to your ass-mar!

[rick]

I just finished reading Laika and just wanted you to know I loved it. What a nice way to blow off steam after a lousy week of playing the role of corporate slave! Before I knew it, I'd stopped fuming and was laughing out loud at Brandon, Mark, and the rest of the gang.

Well done!

Rick

[Oliver]

New chapter!

Thank you, thank you.

Loving the sense of humor you always use. It is kind the way I try to live; laugh and learn.

The way you give everybody their own kind of caracter is, in my opinion, great.

Nothing is over the top. How you describe the feelings, the way they deal with it, it is just....

....real.

Excellent job.

I must admit, I'm jealous.

I always try to write at this kind of level, and I am getting good reviews and reactions. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Your work looks like it is just easy to do.

I know, I've seen your writing, not seen you write.

But still.....

....yup, definitely jealous.

[DesDownunder]

....yup, definitely jealous.

I think you might mean envy rather then jealousy.

Envy has a connotation of begrudging admiration, whilst jealous is wanting to have what another has and is without the admiration aspect.

The dictionaries seem to not make this distinction clear anymore.

Best understood by:

"I am envious I do not look like Brad."

"I am jealous that Brad is sleeping with Tom instead of me."

Of course you could want to look like Brad and sleep with him too which would be called greedy.

Yup I too must admit envy for EleCivil's fine work. Love it.

[Oliver]

...and that's why I write in Dutch and not in English.

Thanks, Des.

Envy it is.

But, please, tell me more about Brad and Tom.

I'm afraid that greedy would be the word now.......

[The Pecman]

Dynamite story. I like where it's headed. I hope there's a payoff, with a major conflict between Brandon and Nick's parents. Oh, that's gotta be messy.

Also, for the person who asked: I've always heard "Laika" pronounced as "LIKE-ah," similar to the German Leica camera.

BTW, to Elecivil: I don't think the Russian scientists turned off Laika's life-support. I think the poor creature burned up in the atmosphere when the capsule came back to earth. Wikipedia says that the dog died from "stress and overheating," but I think it was more than that.

I appreciate the allegorical title: a creature that's under the thumb of somebody else, being controlled, having no say in what happens in their lives. Interesting idea.

If I have one criticism (and it's extremely minor), it's that the dialog is sometimes a little too snappy, like most of the characters are in on the same joke. I have the exact same problem with Aaron Sorkin's otherwise-superb writing on West Wing and Studio 60, where every character is so hip and articulate, it gets a little too coincidental after awhile. But I still enjoy Sorkin's work, and I can't wait to see how Laika develops.

I love the story's surprises, and how the characters are carved out so sharply and distinctly from each other. Hurry up and write more!

[And an uneasy postscript: I just saw from another reference on Laika, the Russian dog, that the Soviet scientists "always intended for the dog to die, because Sputnick 2 was not retrievable." Jesus, I sure hope this grim factoid doesn't predict the story's future direction...]

[EleCivil]

Thanks, Oliver, Des, and Pecman.

BTW, to Elecivil: I don't think the Russian scientists turned off Laika's life-support. I think the poor creature burned up in the atmosphere when the capsule came back to earth. Wikipedia says that the dog died from "stress and overheating," but I think it was more than that.

Yeah, technically, they didn't turn off the life-support systems, they just didn't have the life-support technology needed to keep her alive - the temperature and humidity in the cabin kept increasing, and she was dead just a few hours after the launch. Sputnik II orbited the Earth something like 2500 times, but she was only alive for the first 4.

In training for it, the scientists kept putting her in smaller and smaller cages until she was used to being confined.

If I have one criticism (and it's extremely minor), it's that the dialog is sometimes a little too snappy, like most of the characters are in on the same joke. I have the exact same problem with Aaron Sorkin's otherwise-superb writing on West Wing and Studio 60, where every character is so hip and articulate, it gets a little too coincidental after awhile.

Yeah, I agree. At first, I planned to use that as an indication of the characters' relationships - the ones who had known each other for a long time, like the band members, or people with a certain connection, like Brandon and Nick, being able to banter really smoothly. Tuned to each other's wavelengths, kind of. But then other pairings, like Nick and Dixie, or Brandon and the twins, don't really have any memorable banter. And then when Brandon and Alex were together, the longest dialogues between them were when they were fighting - very little communication between them, otherwise.

Problem is, I have so few scenes with characters that don't "click" with each other (or when I do, they're in the room with other characters that do "click") that it comes off as every character bordering on "too witty", like you said. I'm glad I tried it, but I definitely see how I could have pulled it off a bit better.

[The Pecman]

Hey, listen, don't take that necessarily as a criticism. When I say that Aaron Sorkin does it, too, I'm comparing you to the man who is arguably he best TV series writer in the last decade, who's won six Emmys and makes about $20 million a year for the same kind of snappy, glib dialog I'm complaining about.

I'd put Laika in the top five of any Net fiction I've read this year. You almost lost me on the opening chapters, because I started to think "oh, man, this is gonna be a story of an intellectual kid who gets involved with a punk band," which isn't something I'm into, but you spun it into several interesting directions, particularly with the church kid.

It's definitely got me hooked and wanting more, and that's better than 90% of the stuff I see out there. And you're already writing at a thoroughly professional, publishable level, which is a helluva achievement.

My last two comments: please put some sex in this story, and crank out the chapters faster!

[EleCivil]

Hey, listen, don't take that necessarily as a criticism.

Haha, don't worry about it - I didn't take offense or anything. I just thought it was cool that you brought up the same issue that I'd been thinking about.

[colinian]

...crank out the chapters faster!

Hey, Elecivil, can I add my vote in favor of Pacman's last comment? Pleeeeeeeeeeease don't keep us frustrated for weeks and weeks and weeks while we wait for our next Laika fix!

Colin

[RMiller]

Haha, don't worry about it - I didn't take offense or anything.

He doesn't, and it's really obnoxious. How can you antagonize someone who doesn't respond to antagonism? You could shoot a puppy--right in front of him--and he would laugh hysterically and ask to have the next turn with the gun.

Anyway, nice job with the latest chapter. I like how you are delving deeper into the relationship between Brandon and Nick. I've been rooting for that pair since the begining and, since your capacity for evil is lacking, I don't expect to be disapointed.

[EleCivil]

Hey, Elecivil, can I add my vote in favor of Pacman's last comment? Pleeeeeeeeeeease don't keep us frustrated for weeks and weeks and weeks while we wait for our next Laika fix!

I'll try my best, but no promises. It's final exam/project season, now.

He doesn't, and it's really obnoxious. How can you antagonize someone who doesn't respond to antagonism? You could shoot a puppy--right in front of him--and he would laugh hysterically and ask to have the next turn with the gun.

Not true. My antagonistic immunity only applies to actions taken against me, personally. I'd definitely take offense if you shot a puppy/kitten/cockroach/etc. I'd laugh and ask for a turn if you took a shot at me. See the difference?

[DesDownunder]

Not true. My antagonistic immunity only applies to actions taken against me, personally. I'd definitely take offense if you shot a puppy/kitten/cockroach/etc. I'd laugh and ask for a turn if you took a shot at me. See the difference?

I'm in love! So sophisticated.

[blue]

What, you mean it's about more than socks? *gasp*

I'm very good at being a clueless optimist who doesn't quite have his stuff together, so Brandon, Nick, and the others really appeal to me.

I'm not going to say what I want to see from the story, because I want to see the story play out how EleCivil intends it.

EleCivil's writing, especially with Laika, has a unique voice, and I look forward to reading something new every time.

By the way, I think EC must've described half the church kitchens I've ever seen....

[RMiller]

*sigh*

It's been almost two months since the last chapter. It's not finals month and I know you aren't engrossed in the current chapter of Ragnarok, so what's the hold-up?