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Josiah Jacobus-Parker

Getting there does it to me

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Sitting motionless

But somehow still getting there does it to me.

Hypnotized by the bright lights,

Shivering and planning out what I am going to say.

Remembering how you kept me warm on those cold nights.

There were a lot of those nights.

Nights we were silly

And cared about dressing up nicely and things like that.

Jazz at night in the city...

Coffee and cigarettes just makes me feel unhealthy now.

I haven't drunk liquor in ages.

I?m always going to be sad.

Feeling crazy gives me a reason to live.

No matter how much you try

I am still going to feel this way.

And I'm okay with that.

Whoa, I'm going way faster than that cop.

I hope I don't get pulled over.

Fuck.

Gonna smoke a cigarette even though I'm trying to quit.

Gotta stay addicted to something.

Coffee, booze, cigarettes, staying up late

(it?s the only thing that makes me feel alive.

Staying up until I get crazy enough to actually understand.

One day I will see things how they are.

I'm getting closer to the truth every day.)

The only person who I think can even begin to understand

Is 7,000 miles away.

Coincidentally,

"It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside..."

On the radio. It's terrible,

but this song makes me think of him.

"I hope you don't mind,

I hope you don't mind,

That I put down in words...

How wonderful life is now you're in the world."

Barf.

But I miss you.

I hope whatever that huge thing

Is in that truck in front of me flies out of the back and...

Now I'm passing over 29 on the parkway.

There's that fucking piece of red plastic

In the middle of the bridge that always makes me think about

Ambulances.

The lights are bright here.

This used to be the crazy dinosaur graveyard

Back when construction was happening on 89.

That's what I got for driving home at midnight after smoking all day.

Good thing I'm going back earlier today...

Finally getting onto Buffalo,

Ugh, thinking about you again.

Stopstopstop. I'm getting better at it.

...Researching... all the time is helping me

Understand more about how this brain thing works.

I'm almost there.

Turning off my car,

Basically putting it to sleep for the week.

I feel bad.

I love you, car.

Stepping out into the real world

And truly feeling how infinite the possibilities,

And feeling inspired yet completely hopeless

At the same time.

-----------------------------------------------------

Just wanna say, this poem isn't about me. Or anyone in particular. I don't smoke, and to be honest, I had liquor last weekend. It's just something that ended up spilling out on paper. Like thought's while driving.

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