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NWS - New Brother by Graeme

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Hey, loved the new chapter. I can see some major improvement in this one compared to the really early ones - all that practice with the short stories and FCL looks like it paid off. :smt023

My two editors have been doing a great job of teaching me how to improve my writing (Aaron, Blue, please take a bow).

I really need to go back to the early chapters and work out how to completely re-write them, but I'm leaving that as an exercise for if I ever decide to try to get the story published.

Anyway, thanks for the compliment!

Graeme

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8) I appreciate the compliment, and I'm glad my input on FCL has helped your writing. But the editing credit for New Brother goes to Aaron, who's done his usual fine job. I'll bet he makes interesting comments when he edits.

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I really liked this chapter Graeme.

Randy (Giant) is having a rough go of it. Having been there, I feel for him. The forgotten victims of homophobia are kids percieved to be gay.

I want to give you props for handling Randy's emotional states. It's very accurate.

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The forgotten victims of homophobia are kids percieved to be gay.

I'm not so sure. I don't think it matters, the details of the person on the receiving end of hate, whether they were asking for it, how they were dressed, what choices THEY made. I think the only thing that matters is the hate and the hater. Regardless of whether haters miss or hit their intended/stated target, what they're doing, what they're thinking, is wrong.

Its the vector of hate that matters, not the end point. Otherwise, we devolve into discussions of who deserved what, how they lived their lives and loved their loves; in other words, whether targetting them was justified. Nothing justifies hate, especially when expressed in violence. No, we can't legislate thoughts, people are entitled to feel hate, to think hate. What they are not entitled to is any regard whatsoever for violence in hate's name, to my mind, there is NO defense for them, none whatsoever. Hate expressed is Evil and its the only definition of Evil that makes sense to me.

TR

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I agree with you completely TR! Abuse is abuse regardless of the target. I won't excuse it AT ALL.

Kids perceived as gay do have a rough ride of it. Usually they are just small or have a voice or mannerism that labels them gay.

They are usually so mortified by the abuse that they are very, very unlikely to ask for help.

I remember a kid from my school named Foster who was a real little guy that looked "queer as a football bat" according to his tormenters. They picked on him because he was an easy target and they could. He wasn't gay, he wasn't even particulary effeminate. He was just a very sensitive person and ended up being a gifted artist.

The Foster incident is in Broken. He's one of the recurring characters.

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The new chapter was great, Graeme. Resolving one cliff-hanger and then slapping us with another? Sadist! :wink:

Please refer to the thread I started on Cliffhanger Theory... :twisted:

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Chapter 22 was great Graeme!

Fireworks, emotions, the mystery of Tony. Can't wait for more.

Some progressive production company really should make New Brother into a movie. That's one DVD I want to buy.

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Some progressive production company really should make New Brother into a movie. That's one DVD I want to buy.

Funny you should say that James. We have a member of The Crew who is starting his own production company. Should Graeme be interested, I'll let him know.

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Thanks for the votes of confidence, guys, but I think we should wait until I bring the story to a close. A good movie, like a good story, has a good ending. I'm hoping I can bring New Brother to a satisfactory close but that remains to be seen.

Graeme

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Thanks, WBMS!

I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait. If you REALLY insist, I can send you a draft of NB 23, but I think you're better off waiting for the editted version. I've always found them to be a lot stronger than the drafts.

Cheers!

Graeme :D

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Thanks, WBMS!

I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait. If you REALLY insist, I can send you a draft of NB 23, but I think you're better off waiting for the editted version. I've always found them to be a lot stronger than the drafts.

Cheers!

Graeme :D

I will wait like everyone else -- it's the fair thing to do.

Just don't expect me to be happy you're busy having a life whilst I wait to see what happens next :)

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Thanks, WBMS!

I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait. If you REALLY insist, I can send you a draft of NB 23, but I think you're better off waiting for the editted version. I've always found them to be a lot stronger than the drafts.

/quote]

I will wait like everyone else -- it's the fair thing to do.

Just don't expect me to be happy you're busy having a life whilst I wait to see what happens next :)

Lord, almost a month. You nearly killed me. Arse. I loved it though :)

You want to get me a present? Write faster!!! (As if I'm one to talk....)

Good work on the new NB chapter. Really and sincerely.

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Thanks! :D

Chapter 23 could've been up a few days earlier, but I decided I needed a holiday so I went to Queensland for a week, leaving the computer behind. Aaron had the edits back to me during that week, but I couldn't review them until I got back.

And before you make a comment, I have a firm policy of leaving my laptop and mobile phone behind when I'm on holidays. I don't want work to be able to contact me, since that's the entire point in getting away in the first place.... :evil:

Chapter 24 is being prepared and should be ready sometime in January.

Graeme

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Poor Wibby. Forced to subsist on a diet of (very unappetizing things) far off in the remote wilds of (somewhere far off) with only himself for company. Tsk. And with nothing to read but boring old tech manuals. Alas.

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EPILOGUE? IT'S OVER?

I HATE YOU!

I was going to write you a long post and tell you how much I really, really, really, liked this chapter and how I was happy and sad and emotional all at different times. And then you ended it. Now, I'll have to kill myself.

::cry::

::cry::

Okay, I admit I didn't see it ending right there, but you did a bang-up job as far as I'm concerned. I still wish it wasn't over.

Or is there a sequel coming "Newer Brother"? I know, like I'm one to talk....

Seriously, nice work. Good job. Etcetera.

YAY!

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Bravo Graeme! =D>

Although I'm sad that the story is complete, NB has been a great ride!

I think that New Brother should be the next Brokeback Mountian. It would make a GREAT script!

NB definitly deserves a spot on the top shelf!

-JS

:geek: :wink:

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Let me add my Kudo's for a job well done. After the first couple of chapters I didn't think you could ever make me like David... but you did it!

The story of young Tony, though, seems to beg a sequel!

:)

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Thanks everyone!

If there is one lesson I learnt from NB, it's that ending a story is HARD WORK. As it's the first thing I've tried writing (despite completing another novel and numerous short stories in the meantime), I found that because I didn't have a strong idea of how it would end, that I was running the risk of having the story just drift away and die a quiet, boring death. I had to work very hard to come up with an ending that I felt capped the major points, without being unrealistic.

I know some people would've liked the story to continue, but once David and Adam reconciled, I saw that as the end of that episode on both their lives. Continuing the story would just detract from that. Knowing that I'm probably about to offend some people, I feel J.R.R. Tolkein made that mistake with The Lord of The Rings. To me, that story finished when the ring was destroyed and the Dark Lord and his armies were vanquished. The following events in The Shire have always seemed like an unnecessary add-on. It rounded off a lot of detail, but I feel it detracted from the "main" story, which was the saga of The Ring. As my wife said to me at one point, you don't end a story on a sub-plot. I've never seen that written anywhere, but it rings true to me.

Now as for Tony, yes there is scope for a sequel there. I'm not planning one at the moment, but I can see the potential. If I come up with a plot AND a realistic ending, I'll probably give it a go.

I have also been working, slowly, on a spin-off which is Craig's story (from chapter 8). I have a start on that, but there hasn't been a lot of progress in that respect since September 2004. It'll happen at some stage, but at the moment it's on the permanent backburner -- still bubbling along, but not progressing very much.

Thanks again, everyone!

Graeme :)

PS: I'd also appreciate it if people would thank Aaron and the rest of the guys at The Mail Crew. It may not be obvious, but a lot of the realism in the story comes from their input and Aaron's editing. They've taken my story, and helped to make the characters come across as true teens.

Thanks, guys!

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Great job, Graeme (and editor/s)!

Like WBMS said, I wasn't expecting an ending just yet, but you nailed it.

And congrats again for writing a story that doesn't follow the typical structure. Laughing at danger and breaking all the rules and such. That means you get to strut around tossing your head back in defiance. :glasses2:

-EC

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I've finally resumed reading New Brother from where I'd left off, after Graeme had paused after chapter 11. I'm now in chapter 18 and loving it. Randy's resolute decision to keep his hair pink was just great, really grand. David is finally coming around, slowly. How Graeme has dealt with David from the start has been exceptional, and he's made each of the others strongly dimensional characters too.

I'll have some more thoughts on New Brother and on David, at least, after I've finished the story.

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