Bonding Energy by Ryan Miller

[Graeme]

Okay, I was suckered. The story wasn't what I expected.

The characterisations were well done. I got a feel for most of the characters (some of them didn't come into play enough to develop much personality).

There were a handful of typos that I noticed, but only a handful. I've got a couple of small negative comments to make, but I'm going to do those directly to Ryan.

Definitely worth a look.

Graeme :)

[JamesSavik]

I enjoyed this story at Nifty before it was complete. It sure took a turn I wasn't expecting. :(

[Graeme]

I thought the ending lifted the story out of the ordinary. It shows that the author didn't just fall into your normal cliched approach, though that's the way it looked early on.

It would be great to know what happened next, but Ryan has correctly (in my view) ended it there to make a very strong point.

Just my opinion, of course,

Graeme :-)

[EleCivil]

I like this story a lot, and I've been following the sequel (Opportunity Cost) over at Nifty.

Like Graeme said, cool characters, and I love the nontraditional twists on some of the genre standards.

[Graeme]

A sequel!?!

Now I'm going to have to find the time to go to Nifty to read it (unless Dude is bring it here *hint hint*?)

Graeme

[dude]

I have removed this story until the author can clarify just which version of the story is correct.

[Tanuki Racoon]

I like this story a lot, and I've been following the sequel (Opportunity Cost) over at Nifty.

Like Graeme said, cool characters, and I love the nontraditional twists on some of the genre standards.

The original was very good. The sequel isn't to the same standards in my opinion. I've stopped reading it. :(

[RMiller]

Ah, finally. I think I got the hang of this by now.

This is Ryan, the author of Bonding Energy. For those of you who are wondering, the version posted recently on AD is an old one I submitted some time ago and the actual finished story is 9 chapters long and has been edited stylistically and grammatically. So, as soon as I can get a recent copy to the editors, it should be back up.

This is good news, I?m sure, for those of you who felt that it just stopped too suddenly, and it did.

And for those who felt misled since there wasn?t a raunchy sex scene, I?m sorry. I was going to have one in Chapter 3, but decided against it. I still don?t know why, but am glad the story had gone where it has.

And about the sequel, Opportunity Cost: some people are mad that it got left on a cliffhanger, and that was not my intention. I had some major writer?s block and it lasted a good 2 months. But that?s over now, the latest chapter is up on Nifty and I plan to write quite a few more. I don?t know how many, but it will definitely be longer than Bonding Energy.

If anyone wants to be put on a mailing list for the latest chapters, feel free to e-mail me at bluedragon314@gmail.com.

[TalonRider]

Ryan, let me be the first to welcome you then to AD.

[Graeme]

Welcome, Ryan.

And with the formalities out of the way....

I didn't think the story stopped too abruptly. I thought the dialogue in the ending was a little forced, but the way it ended was, to me, almost perfect. It left a lot of things dangling, but the point about the difference between a crush and true affection was very well done.

As for raunchy sex scenes, I think you'll find that a fair number of readers skip them. I know I do, and I've seen comments by a few others that indicate that they do, too. Unless a sex scene serves a purpose in the overall storyline, I don't read them. Too often they are just put in to try to satisfy those readers that want "some excitement". They don't help the story and if they are not written well, they can hurt the story by disrupting the flow.

Just my opinion. I'm going to have to find some time to go to Nifty to check out the alternative version to see how the differences affect my appreciation of the story (and I do appreciate it).

Graeme :)

[RMiller]

I thought the dialogue in the ending was a little forced, but the way it ended was, to me, almost perfect.

I'm glad you like it, but it really wasn't the ending. Last spring, I sent chapters 1-6 to AD to see if it was up to their standards for publication. I guess it was interpreted as a finished product and then they posted it. The end of chapter 6, while a strong turning point, is not the end.

It gets worse. Kyle finds more creative ways to get his heart ripped to shreds. Just go to http://nifty.bunkhouse.com/nifty/gay/highs...bonding-energy/ and see what I mean. You can also see the sequel, Opportunity Cost. It is still in the works and has a long way to go. But I'd love it if people could guess where it is going. No one has been right so far.

[Tanuki Racoon]

Ryan, let me be the first to welcome you then to AD.

Allow me to second that "welcome" :)

[blue]

I read Bonding Energy earlier on Nifty and liked it. I'll read whatever the revised version is. I saw that Opportunity Costs had been added. I haven't yet gotten to read it.

Actually, I prefer it that Bonding Energy concentrates on relationships, good and bad.

Welcome to AD.

[RMiller]

You like that kind of writing? Then just wait. Opportunity Cost will knock everyone for a loop. *smiles sadisctically*

[Graeme]

Okay, there went my lunch break. I didn't have time to go back and re-read the first six chapters to see what'd changed.

I still think ending at chapter 6 would've been fine, but it continued well onto chapter 9. The story was largely driven by the interactions of the characters, which is the sort of story I usually like. I especially liked Aaron in the hospital, talking to Brian. I could see him going through the same conversation as he'd done earlier.

Well done!

Graeme :)

[RMiller]

Luckily, not much changed as far as the story goes. The characters just have a clearer voice and the narration flows better. And tell me what you think of Opportunity Cost when you get a chance to check it out on Nifty.

[JamesSavik]

And for those who felt misled since there wasn?t a raunchy sex scene, I?m sorry. I was going to have one in Chapter 3, but decided against it. I still don?t know why, but am glad the story had gone where it has.

Welcome to Awesomedude Ryan! :cheers:

A raunchy sex scene doesn't make a story good. Nor do tired old cliches. Imagination, characters, plot and good execution do.

-JS

[RMiller]

 

A raunchy sex scene doesn't make a story good. Nor do tired old cliches. Imagination, characters, plot and good execution do.  

-JS

Given all that, how do you think the story has gone? I know about the whole jock-meets-a-geek-and-they-fall-in-love thing, but I wrote that before it became a story with substance and couldn't change it. But I don't think it's a bad cliche.

[Graeme]

But you didn't deliver that cliche! You delivered something else, which is a lot more realistic and interesting. You had the geek fall for the jock (which I can easily understand), but the jock didn't completely return those feelings. That's what lift the story out of the ordinary -- NOT being cliched.

[JamesSavik]

I finally got to read the story as re-posted and I liked it a lot.

One of the traditional problems for English speaking people is that we have one word for love. The Greeks had six or more and any idiot can tell you that there are all sorts of love.

Kyle's discovery of the difference between romantic love and brotherly love was poingient and very well handled.

Well done Ryan. This is a good story.

-JS

[RMiller]

Kyle's discovery of the difference between romantic love and brotherly love was poingient and very well handled.

Thanks. I took particular care to make sure it came across well. That whole conflict was inspired by a straight boy I just couldn't get over. I loved him more than anything I could think of, and yet I had no intention of jumping him. After a summer of beating myself up, I discovered that what I felt for him was fraternal and not romantic.

The main reason I wrote a second edition on Nifty was because the first edition handled the issue rather clumsily and carelessly. I wanted readers to understand what I was getting at, that love doesn't mean you have to get into someone's pants. That was really the point of the first story.

OC, on the other hand, is something completely different.

[RMiller]

The next chapter is almost done. I am going over it to make sure it doesn't suck since it is rather a big turning point in the story. I plan to submit it Monday or Tuesday, so be on the lookout.

[Paul]

The next chapter is almost done. I am going over it to make sure it doesn't suck since it is rather a big turning point in the story. I plan to submit it Monday or Tuesday, so be on the lookout.

I'm looking forward to it. Kyle is one of those endearing characters who possess a great deal of charm, but doesn't realize it, and finds himself floundering. Another thing he doesn't realize is that he has a great deal of inner strength. You just can't help rooting for the guy.

[EleCivil]

Great new chapter!

The whole scene in the beginning about Peter's problem with Jenny had me laughing - "You know, some cultures define this as a neck." It was a good lead-in to the rest of the chapter, when we find out that everyone else's lives seem to be going to hell. Gives it a nice sense of ballance.

[RMiller]

Great new chapter!

The whole scene in the beginning about Peter's problem with Jenny had me laughing - "You know, some cultures define this as a neck." It was a good lead-in to the rest of the chapter, when we find out that everyone else's lives seem to be going to hell. Gives it a nice sense of ballance.

In a sense, the whole story is going to Hell. Not in a bad way, but in a Heart of Darkness sort of way. We will be exploring the darkest pits of human nature, and it gets much worse. Bitter tears will be shed, bonds will be torn asunder, and someone will die.