Where exactly to start the story?

[TheZot]

Right, so I'm in the beginning-ish bits of writing a short story, and I'm toying with how exactly to start the thing. (This isn't getting in the way of writing the middle and ending bits, since I'm pretty clear on the plot from start to end)

The plot is basically one of those 'monster in the basement' things. You know, character goes into basement, finds monster, runs away, comes back with friends and heavy artillery, mayhem and witty dialog occur, story ends.

On the one hand, I have this urge to start from where the lead starts into the basement. Set the scene, get the reader into the feel of the place, emphasize the creepy elements, then have the monster leap out and go from there. I've been working on my description lately, and I can really get into the techincal bits and nuances, painting a really good picture of the place and play up the unsettling parts.

On the other hand, I'm tempted to skip the heck out of all that and start with something like:

William slammed the basement door and leaned against it, panting and trembling with the adrenaline rush. He heard deep, plopping thuds as the thing made its way up the stairs. There was a slow, inexorable quality to the slimy footfalls that made William shudder. He knew the door wouldn't hold.

And throw any references to what he was actually doing in the basement when the creature started after him in as flashbacks, offhand back-references, or just ignore 'em entirely.

Given that it's more an adventure story than a horror story (hence the artillery and large amount of Stuff That Goes Bang later on) I'm tempted for the second option and skip all the scene-setting, but I'm not sure.

Anyone care to weigh in? I realize there's not exactly a lot of information here, so there might not be a way to really judge, but I'm fine with unsupported opinions too. :)

[blue]

It's fine to start in the middle, and that sounds like a strong opening. "Plopping thuds?" Hmm, I'd change that though.

I also find the flashbacks that show how he got in this predicament a nice way to go, if they add tension and body to the piece. If they're extraneous, they go down the drain, out the airlock.

A short story needs to tell one critical, memorable event, without a lot before and after. It can have added details and a minor event here or there, but it is a compact, optimized story form.

Hmm, that whatever-it-is in the basement that's about to get out? What happens if it does get out past William and runs out the door and down the street? Heheheheh. :devil:

I'm intrigued.

[Graeme]

You said this is a short story. That's a phrase that different people use in different ways.

If you mean a story that is short (say, a handful of chapters), then I'd suggest going for the description approach that describes the basement and why they are there.

If it's a short story in the traditional sense, then go straight to the action. The reasons can be provided piecemeal through the story, but your quoted paragraph grabs the readers attention immediately, and that's what I think you want to happen.

I once read writing described with the following analogy:

Imagine a room. A short story will illuminate an object in that room and describe it fully. A novel will illuminate the whole room and describe what's in it. A truly great novel will illuminate not only the room, but the world outside it, too.

I try to keep that in mind when I write short stories -- I'm not writing a novel, so it's fine to leave things hinted out but not explained around the edges.

[TheZot]

This is definitely a short story in the traditional sense -- it'll probably be 12k, maybe 14k words, a follow-on to Firegrass. Defintiely not multi-chapter or anything.

At this point there's about a thousand words banged out, and I fully expect all of 'em, including the horrible 'plopping thuds', to get tossed before release. Which is a pity, as the dialog's fun. Just a little out of character, alas. Damn pesky characters, always playing loose with their speech patterns...

Anyway, sounds like skipping straight to the Imminent Peril's the way to go here. That's cool, I can do that. There's more than enough opportunity for the leads to snipe at each other and fill in any backstory that might be needed.

Thanks, guys.

[aj]

Yup, starting in the middle, with William leaning back against the door, is a fine idea. The point of a short story is that it is aimed like a rapier--straight for the heart.

cheers!

aj

[The Pecman]

Right, so I'm in the beginning-ish bits of writing a short story, and I'm toying with how exactly to start the thing.

If it's a short story, there's a half-dozen ways you can go:

1) start at the end. "Joe was dead. Marsha was still in the hospital, but would probably recover. I was still dazed from the encounter with the thing in the basement, but I had little to show except for this deep cut at the end of my left index finger, now stitched and bandaged up. It all started..."

2) start at the beginning: "Bump. Then bump again. 'What the fuck is that?' I thought. For the last half hour, there had been a series of occasional bumps coming from the floor below me... first softly, from a distance, and now louder, as if it was coming closer. After five minutes of silence, I was sure it was gone and I started to relax. But just as I picked my book back up, then there was a louder thump and a distant roar."

3) start in the middle: "'Alright,' said Eddie. 'Tell me again when you started to suspect something weird was going on in the basement. Eddie had been my best friend for almost ten years, and he'd put up with almost anything from me, but I could see from the expression on his fast that even he was a little incredulous at my claims.

'Over there,' I said, in a half-whisper. 'There's... there's something in there.'"

Lotta different ways you can go with a "monster in the basement" story. I've read a thousand of these things. I think the key would be to try to do something that hasn't been done before, or at least find a way to put a new spin on it. That last approach would probably be the best way to go, one where the new character basically asks, "alright, tell me again what you told me on the phone -- start slow, and don't leave anything out." That way you can sum up the flashback in one paragraph, which might take 3 or 4 pages if you did it linearly.

Short stories are a very economical form of writing, and I think it takes a special kind of talent to pull that off. I personally haven't tried to write a short story since college, but I have one or two ideas I might try sometime. It's a tough thing to do for me, because of my obsessive/"kitchen sink" mentality! :)

BTW: the greatest "monster in the basement" novel I've ever read is Summer of Night by Dan Simmons. Five 12 year-old boys in rural 1962 Indiana discover a terrible demon has taken over a seldom-used wing of their dilapidated school. There aren't any gay aspects, but it's a very powerful tale, told extraordinarily well. As Stephen King says on the back cover blurb: "I am in awe of Dan Simmons." Me personally, I'll refund your money if you buy this book and hate it!

[blue]

TheZot, you could get all kinds of opinions from us on how to present your story, and in the end, you might be more confused than when you started.

The only way you'll know if it works for you, for your story, is to write a rough draft or an outline of each approach that you want to try. You don't have to complete them, but if you write enough, you should see if it works for the story.

My preference is to start somewhere in the middle, rather than the very start or recounting it after the fact. Pecman's suggestion to bring in another character adds to the tension between two people while dealing with the threat.

Regarding #2:

Choice A: Feed the cat or dog, for goodness sake.

Choice B: The new neighbor(s) downstairs sure are "active." A roar? Well now, is that a fun roar or a call 911 roar?

Choice C: Then, just as he decided it was his imagination, he heard a noise in the attic.

-- Aside from teasing you, these are possibilities that would add realism and tension to the story conflict.

-- Alright, and now both Pecman and I have thrown in freebie ideas about the plot and characters, and that's something we really shouldn't do. It's your story to tell.

[TheZot]

Well, I have been thinking about it and working a few things out. It's an adventure story, and at the moment my working hypothesis for adventure story plots is "grab the readers by the throat and drag along until the end, pausing occasionally just long enough for them to catch their breath."

At the moment I'm planning on sticking with the 'start in the middle' opening, less the plopping thuds, as it works kinda nicely for me. There's a second character already handy to pull in both for backup and as someone to toss dialog at to bring in some of the backstory, so I think that'll work out pretty well.

I'd try for the truly inventive opening but, sad though it is, I'm not even attempting inventive. Not that I'm intentionally copying anyone, but I've no illusions this'll be anything other than a fun romp with some interesting characters, so... I'm romping. :) That and using it as practice of sorts, a piece to work on some of the weaknesses in my writing. (The last one I did was too dense on-page, and all the characters sounded like me (which worries me, as one of them was a raving lunatic), so this is going to be in part an exercise in character differentiation and editing)

[blue]

:laughs: That seems like a fine working strategy to me, at least for a rousing adventure story.

For practice, good.

Heheh, on character writing, hmm, exercise as needed. Well, I wouldn't be too worried about the raving lunatic bit. That doesn't seem to apply to you. Maybe it's just 'cause it's tax season. ;)

I'm not entirely sure of my own character writing skills. Gotta get something out there and get some opinions on it, myself.

[Codey]

I like the plopping thuds...reminds me of the sound the ant eater in the BC strip makes when he nails an ant :D

Codey

[Tragic Rabbit]

I'm not a big fan of outlines or rough drafts. I make notes and lists, then think about it a bit, then dive in (and try to finish as much as I can that first sitting...else it ends up in my enormous As Yet Unfinished Folder). I also agree that you can't really get much useful from asking this question; we'd all be writing a different story in our heads as we answered. For instance, me, I'd write it very tongue in cheek and probably have the Thing turn out to be the guy's exboyfriend. Or wicked stepmother. Morphed into a monster by sheer bad personality and/or at full moons.

One thing I do sort of consciously do is try to steer clear of the expected, whether in characterization, plot device or ending. I think it was Der Pec who made that option list, if yes, the one I'd recommend if you put a gun to my head is either start midstory, as he first sees it or whatever, OR at the penultimate moment, then backtrack, keeping readers in suspense regarding the very last moment until, well, the very last word.

I agree that 'plopping thuds' is a tad dreadful...and not in the way you need. I won't say what 'plopping' makes me think of but you might want to find more powerful adjectives for 'thuds', esp in your first paragraph. The initial paragraphs of the story will determine whether many readers will continue to read; you don't want to put them off, you want to intrigue them, catch them up in your net.

Best of luck,

TR

[TheZot]

I sort of do outlines, though it's more I write a summary of the story, then start actually writing the thing, jumping forwards and back as I get blocked or bored with particular parts. Seems to work out for me, though it's certainly not for everyone, and it does make doing the standard Internet serial a little tougher as it means writing six or eight parts before something's ready to get released.

Plopping thuds, and indeed all the first few paragraphs, are going to get ripped out and replaced. They pretty much just placeholders to remind me what I was thinking (and I wasn't being scatological, though I expect that's where far too many people would go) while I dashed off as much of the story plot pieces as I could before they slipped out of my brain. I do write multiple drafts, a long habit I let go of more than I ought to have. Even more low-tech I tend to do it on paper. (Gasp! :)) I find the change of mode makes it easier to think differently. When I've got Word going I'm writing, while when I've got the printout and red pen I'm editing. The extra distance it puts between me and the work helps too.

(And yes, I didn't do nearly enough of this for Yankee. Did it a lot for Firegrass, and I think the piece was much better for it)

[The Pecman]

I do write multiple drafts, a long habit I let go of more than I ought to have. Even more low-tech I tend to do it on paper. I find the change of mode makes it easier to think differently. When I've got Word going I'm writing, while when I've got the printout and red pen I'm editing. The extra distance it puts between me and the work helps too.

You're very wise! I do the exact same thing, and I feel it's better for me to edit on paper than on the electronic screen. I also have the advnatage of having a live-in partner who's also a writer, and he only proofs on paper. Later on, I go back into the manuscript and fix it as needed.

I'm not sure why this works, but it has a better "flow" to it, if nothing else.

[Graeme]

I also proof from a print out, though I also use the screen. The change in format helps bring the eye to what is actually written, rather than what you expect to be written. A change of font or size can do the same thing. This is also why people will sometimes spot mistakes on the final webpage that they didn't spot earlier.

[TalonRider]

As an editor, I normally read from a printed copy and away from the computer. I find it helps me in the editing process.

[Tragic Rabbit]

I also proof from a print out, though I also use the screen. The change in format helps bring the eye to what is actually written, rather than what you expect to be written. A change of font or size can do the same thing. This is also why people will sometimes spot mistakes on the final webpage that they didn't spot earlier.

Hmm, I may have to try that, changing the font prior to self-editing. I can see that it might work.

TR

[aj]

I work directly on the screen, but I always change the font and size of the chapter before I start working on it. I find, for some reason, that trebuchet ms is very easy on the eye, causing less eye strain than a more angular typeface--say, Times New Roman.

cheers!

aj

[TalonRider]

I perfer Arial 12 myself.

[Graeme]

I'm just bumping a few threads to bring them back....