Jason Rimbaud Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 PAIN INSIDE OF ME By: Jason R Everything is closing?closing in on me I embrace all things?sweet stupidity When I remember?I think of how it used to be Your face I see in dreams?in my mind I invoke the gods to strike?strike me blind But eluding all these curses?you I always find Once burning hot?the fire had finally died Standing each of us?across this great divide Never giving up on you?even though I?ve tried You dominate my dreams?even to this day Haunting me in my sleep?I never get to say Screaming out for eternity?I just can?t get away Smiling to your face?believing what you see As I lay and as I bleed?as I cry and as I need So you will never see?this pain inside of me Quote Link to comment
Tragic Rabbit Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 I like it. Interesting rhyme structure, also unusual word pattern with the elipses. Not sure about the elipses but did like the rhyme structure. The more understated phrases were, conversely, more powerful for me. TR Quote Link to comment
Camy Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 This work really well as a lyric for a song. I found myself humming rather than reading. Good stuff! Camy Quote Link to comment
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