Jump to content

Edge of Heaven


Jason Rimbaud

Recommended Posts

Edge of Heaven

By: Jason R

I awoke to the sound of rain

Drumming on the roof of my red convertible

A bottle of vodka ringing in my head

And the blonde that gave me this nightmare

Lying beside me on the seat

My eyes focus on the bottle of pills

Lying on the floor next to the accelerator

Empty

Much like the place where my heart used to be

My mouth is dry

My lips cracked and coated with some unknown substance

Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand

The memory of the previous night comes crashing back

The sex was rough and sweaty

Violence mixed with lust that could only be fulfilled

By the emptying of ones own essence into a willing receptacle

I awoke to the sound of rain

Drumming on the roof of my red convertible

The droplets rolling down the window

Matching the tears falling down my cheeks

A pack of cigarettes rests on the dashboard

I grab one

And draw the dark harsh smoke deep into my lungs

Glancing over at the blonde sleeping on the seat beside me

My eyes run over the contour of his lithe body

Already the beginnings of several bruises

Purple mixed with yellow against the pale skin of his back

In his sleep he moves slightly

I imagine him dreaming about the pleasures

Pleasures I awoke inside him last night

I awoke to the sound of rain

Drumming on the roof of my red convertible

The drumming matches the shallow heartbeat

Of the blonde lying beside me

I shove his legs off my lap

And casually touch the end of my cigarette against his bare leg

Gentle almost caressing

Just the tip causing him to moan

And curl up into a ball on the front seat beside me

Images of us floats across my subconscious

Images that he no doubt will remember for years to come

Flexing my arms above my head

I wince as pain shoots up my left arm

Looking I see several deep scratches snaking up my arm

Starting from my wrist and ending just above my armpit

Another memento from an endless night

I awoke to the sound of rain

Drumming on the roof of my red convertible

I awoke and remember everything

Link to comment

I've got to say that if anybody

'casually touched the end of their cigarette against my bare leg'

I wouldn't

'moan and curl up into a ball on the front seat.'

It would be more like

'Afterwards I drove him to the emergency dentist'.

Just saying. :lipssealed:

Without doubt it's a very powerful piece.

Link to comment
Which is why I said I was still working on this piece. Though I hoped the mention of

the empty bottle of pills would have made clear that they had been partying a bit too much

the night before. Anyway, I agree that the piece is still weak.

Jason,

Nope, No, NO!

I didn't say the piece was weak. It's not.

What I was trying to say in a humourous way (which blatently failed) was that if anyone woke me up by touching me with a lit cigarette I'd probably hit them. I would. I'm definitely not into pain of any flavour ... Except that I've just read Jack Rowan's 'The Story of Tol' and ... well I'm confused. :lipssealed:

Your poem is a powerful piece.

Camy :icon10:

Link to comment

I do not think it is weak.

I hold to my original thought that the images are memory evoking even if the memories are not mine.

I do wonder however about the tense.

As written the verses are in past tense: awoke instead of awake.

"I awoke to the sound of rain

Drumming on the roof of my red convertible

I awoke and remember everything"

Whilst the remainder appears to be in present tense.

Is this deliberate? I don't mind if it is, but I think it would be stronger if:

"I awake to the sound of rain

Drumming on the roof of my red convertible

I awaken and remember everything"

Note I have taken the liberty to expand the last awake to awkaken, to emphasise the state of "remembering of everything."

Alternatively you could play with: past tense for everything except the last line or last verse.

Suddenly going to present tense like that would make the rest seem more like a dream.

But it is your work Jason, and these are but musings on what already pleases me.

As for the cigarette, I thought you conveyed a certain appreciation of boisterousness in their sex-act re the bruises, that for me allowed the almost happy yet somewhat reticent, whimper from the slumbering blond to justify him not actively responding as Camy and may I say, I would? (I did appreciate the humour of your remark Camy.)

I've read it several times now and I still find it a powerful and evocative poem.

:lipssealed:

Link to comment

Hey Camy,

I got the humor, which made me giggle and I never giggle. Well, never when anyone can

see me. Anyways,

As Des pointed out, I had first written the piece in the past tense. and I did not think it was

powerful enough so I changed it to the present tense. I missed a few changes which caused some

confusion. I am correcting my copy now and plus I will add the new stanzas as well. Good eyes Des.

Jason R.

BTW: I like the change awaken from awoke. Thanks again Des and Camy.

Link to comment
  • 3 years later...

So since I first posted this piece back in 2006, I have changed more than a few things. Not only have I taken Des's advice but I have had two new parts and have changed the name to Stages of Heaven. And seeing as I haven't been posting anything on these forums in a very long time, I figured I could give everyone the entire piece in all of its raw and ugliness. So here is the piece, I hope you enjoy it.

Stages of Heaven

By: Jason Rimbaud

Edge of Heaven

I awake to the sound of rain

Drumming on the roof of my red convertible

A bottle of Vodka rings in my head

And the blonde that gave me this nightmare

Lying beside me on the seat

My eyes focus on the bottle of pills

Lying on the floor next to the accelerator

Ironically placed for an empty bottle once containing ?E?

The euphoria of the drug had disappeared with the morning

My mouth is dry

My lips cracked and coated with some unknown substance

Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand

The memory of the previous night comes crashing back

The sex was rough and sweaty

Violence mixed with lust that could only be fulfilled

By the emptying of ones essence into a willing receptacle

I awake to the sound of rain

Drumming on the roof of my red convertible

The droplets rolling down the window

Matching the imaginary tears that fall down my cheeks

A pack of cigarettes rests on the dashboard

I grab one

And draw the dark harsh smoke deep into my lungs

Glancing over at the blonde sleeping beside me

My eyes run over the contour of his lithe body

Already I can see the beginnings of several bruises

Purple mixed with yellow against the pale skin of his back

In his sleep he moves slightly

I imagine him dreaming about the pleasures

Pleasures I introduced to him last night

I awake to the sound of rain

Drumming on the roof of my red convertible

The drumming matching the shallow heartbeat

Of the blonde lying beside me

I shove his legs off my lap

And casually touch the end of my cigarette against his bare leg

Gentle

Almost caressing

I use just the tip

This touch causes him to moan

And move a bit further away from me

Images of us floats across my subconscious

Images that will cause him intense self-loathing

Flexing my arms above my head

I stretch

Wincing as pain shoots up my left arm

Looking at my arm I see deep scratches

Starting from my wrist and ending just below my armpit

Another memento from my endless night's searching

I awake to the sound of rain

Drumming on the roof of my red convertible

I awaken and remembered everything

Conversation from the Edge of Heaven

Shaking the blonde, I say, 'Wake up, it's time for you to go.'

But there is no reply

Barely even a grunt

I smile and my face twists with disgust

I punch him hard in the ribs

And repeat, 'Get up! You have to go.'

Groaning, he opens his eyes slowly

I stare into his eyes eagerly

Relishing the change I see

Last night they were perfect blue orbs

Today they are glazed and bloodshot

He asks, 'Where am I?'

'The edge of heaven.'

My grin now feral and harsh

'Now get the fuck out of my car.'

For a moment he stares up at me

Confusion showing on his face in a range of emotion

I find him and his emotions quite pathetic

Reaching over his body I open the car door

The rain rushes inside the car

Falling across his naked flesh

With one swift motion I push him from the car

He lands in the soft mud

His once pale body now blackened from the filth

And the bruises of our night of lust

'My clothes,' He stammers out

Already shivering from the wind and rain

Looking around the interior of my car

I spy my used boxers on the seat beside me

Grabbing them I throw them at his head

'Here.'

And then I press the accelerator to the floor

The powerful V-8 engine caused the car to lurch forward

The car door slams shut

As I speed away into the morning storm

Leaving the boy crying and naked in the mud

Rain falls upon his battered body

And I wonder briefly how he'll make it home

But by the time I light another cigarette

The boy is forgotten

Fading into another blurred memory

In my long search to escape the edge of heaven

Crazed Nights on the Edge of Heaven

I arrive at the club shortly after one AM

My blonde hair is loose about my shoulders

I had decided on a pair of faded brown leather pants

A sleeveless fitted T and my favorite pair of boots

I look something like a hunter searching for prey

As the bouncer eyes me up with a mischievous grin

I pay the twenty dollar cover charge

I dazzle him with a smile and enter the club laughing

It will take more than a nice body to get my attention

For tonight I am looking for something epic

The club is dark giving off a fa?ade of beauty and mystery

Rows upon rows of black lights litter the walls

And flashing lights and revolving strobes

Cause a never ending flashbulb affect that assaults the senses

And leaves one with an euphoric high long after the sun rises

Returning several smiles I casually stalk through the throng

Relishing the stares I receive by the many drunken inhabitants

I move gracefully eyeing up several promising candidates

With a smile that could only be described as feral

I wait for the twink behind the bar to notice me

Catching the bartender?s eye I smile and nod my head

A smile that I know will get me moved to the front of the line

As he walks by again he makes sure to smile back at me

And he thrusts his cotton covered ass out for me to stare at

I grin and oblige him by giving it a thorough examination

He screams out to be heard over the music, ?What?ll be sweetie??

Grinning, I answer loudly, ?Any imported beer you have.?

?None of that domestic shit for you,? He says, flirting with me

He doesn?t know just how true that statement really is

I was looking for something truly exotic this night

I turn my attention back to the mass of dancing flesh before me

Taunt bodies glistening under the lights to the pulsing beat of the music

Out there in that sea of bodies was the lucky boy

The one that would accompany me to the back room of the club

And beg me to ravish his body only to leave them wanting more

This obsession of dancing is one I never truly understood

I come to these clubs for one thing and one thing only

To find some poor unsuspecting boy and use him as a cum dumpster

And out of the hundreds of boys on the dance floor

Only two caught my attention and sent my imagination rolling

One was a barely twenty something with a body built for fucking

Narrow waist, toned muscular back with long legs

His brown hair, gelled and pushed forward, was damp with sweat

The only clothing to adorn his form was a pair of faded blue jeans

And stamped across his ass was a red star that reminded me of a bull?s eye

The other was a fellow blonde, his hair short and plastered down

He also wore blue jeans but had a long sleeve white shirt as well

I could see through the wet material to the tone body underneath

Blondie?s muscles were straining to keep up the furious pace he set

The intensity on his face makes me ponder how far he?d go to please me

Both twink?s would make the perfect bottom for me this night

And I wanted them both though for different reasons

The blonde looked more experienced moving around the floor

With a kind of confidence that only comes with sexual prowess

I feel like a kid in a candy store that must choose only one item

But Red Star looked to be shyer under the lights

Like this was something new but he was willing to experience it all

I gulp down another swallow of beer and watch both intently

Both were dancing with two average looking boys

And I notice that neither seems overly interested in their partners

I down the rest of my beer and hand off the bottle to some old queen

I grab his crotch and give it a small squeeze as a way of payment

And ignore his smile as I walk across the dance floor

I make my decision and keep my eyes intent on my prey

I choose Red Star, I guess I like the nervous look that creeps into his eyes

Hoping my instincts are right, I walk over to where he?s dancing

I step between the two boys, my hand running down Red Star?s chest

Stopping just shy of his faded blue jeans and look at his face

I catch my breath as I stare into the bluest eyes I?ve ever seen

Without realizing it we start moving together to the pulsing music

Up close Red Star is even sexier then I had first expected

He has high cheekbones and a narrow nose with thin lips

That looks absolutely soft yet firm at the same time

My hand creeps up to his neck and I pull him close

He returns my lustful gaze with a nervous smile

Red Star?s arms snake around my waist as he gains confidence

He pushes himself tighter against me and I feel the heat from his body

I can smell traces of cologne on his body mixed with sweat

A fragrance that is all male and intoxicatingly innocent

I continue my probing stare into those endless pools of blue

By now a thin layer of sweat covers my body

I feel it dripping down my chin and rolling down my chest

Tickling my stomach before being absorbed into my leather pants

Red Star?s hands finds my ass and pulls me closer to his sweaty form

His other hand rakes across my back as we gyrate to the music

I know I made the right choice when I saw the unbridled lust in his eyes

With every thrust of my hips I could feel his cock grinding into me

With every rake across my back he is urging me to take him

I had him right where I want him I only had to show him

So I show surprise when he leans in and presses his lips against mine

I have been kissed by numerous boys and know each one has a different style

Some kiss hard, their mouths open wide, almost engulfing mine

While others are gentle, as if they are politely asking me for access

But this kiss was different, like maybe it was his first time kissing a boy

Like he is trying it out, comparing this sensation to other experiences

Blushing deeply Red Star presses his lips hard into mine again

This time with the same urgency I feel in his caress

I grab Red Star?s hand and drag him towards the stairs

This leads down into the backroom of the club

I am surprised when he comes along willingly, almost urgently

As we descend into the semi-darkness of the backroom

I can see men all around us in various states of undress

Some of these men were sucking and some were even fucking

But all were moaning in pleasure as they searched for quick release

I notice Red Star?s eyes widen at the sight of so many men having sex

He grabs my hand tighter and continues walking further into this orgy

Finding an empty space against the wall I push him against it

I devour his mouth hungrily, invading the space with my tongue

I caress his chest roughly, pinching his nipples until they are red

I continue to kiss him even as I lose myself in the impending release

Turning him around I press his face into the wall

Even as I bite and suck on the flesh of his neck

I fumble with the button of his pants as he reaches for my cock

Ripping down his pants I grin when the whiter flesh comes into view

I growl loudly at the sight before me and lust takes over

With one hand I stroke his cock as my other hand opens my pants

Without bothering to waste time by pulling them all the way down

I pull out my cock and press it against his trembling flesh

Rubbing along his crack I tease him, waiting for him to beg

All rational thought burns away in the aftermath of his scream

Biting his neck hard enough to leave marks on his tanned skin

I slam myself deep inside him not stopping until I can go no further

Crying out in pain mixed with pleasure he pushes back against me

His hands and arms holding himself upright away from the wall

With every thrust he clenches down causing me to push wildly into him

By now both of us are grunting as we lose ourselves in the moment

My shirt clings to my back as I concentrate on the vice around my cock

Leaning my head on Red Star?s back I reach around and grab him

Finding the natural rhythm of our bodies I know it won?t be much longer

He is the ultimate bottom, wriggling around as I jab into him

Clenching his muscles tightly each time I withdrawal

He meets each of my thrusts with wild abandonment

I feel something wet on my hand as Red Star yells out

His seed exploding all over the wall before us

Bringing my hand to his lips he cleans them as I fuck him

Feeling the familiar tightening I push inside him as far as I can

And moan as the sensation shoots from my groin and into his body

Resting my head against his back I try to recover my breath

He turns his head around and tries to kiss me again

But I push his head away even as I hear clapping around us

I look around and notice several guys had gathered around us watching

I could tell some of them are hoping for their turn of our frenzied fucking

Grabbing a shirt out of the hands of one of the bystanders

I pull out and wipe my cock off on the shirt before zipping up

Giving the shirt back I make my way up the stairs and out to the street

The memory of Red Star fades as I open the door and speed away into the night

By the time I arrive back home I will have forgotten the entire encounter

My mind already focusing on the next twink, the next anonymous fuck

He?ll be another blurry memory to go along with the memory of ?him?

Just a usual night in a string of nights that makes up my life

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...