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Dear Carpal Tunnel Syndrome...

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Dear Carpal Tunnel Syndrome,

Long time no see!

And I see you brought your friends,

Sore Misshapen Fingers

And Fucking Exhausted Eyeballs.

Come in, come in!

Shooting Pains Above Right Eyebrow

Is down in the lounge.

It's a bit of a mess because

Decreased Motor Function paid a visit

(what a joker).

Now, I'm afraid I don't have enough beds for all of us,

But that's okay because

Raging Insomnia Complicated By Increased Caffeine Dependency

Is staying over too.

Now then, settle down, settle down,

Make yourselves at home for the next four years,

And I'll go make sure

Increasingly Frequent Homicidal Urges

Doesn't block my neighbor's driveway.



A Reply:

Dear Fellow Sufferer,

I fear this letter will not make it,

As Carpal Tunnel is extremely possessive.

When he visited me,

He bitched about my good friends Wrist Splint

And Ibuprofen for hours.

He wanted to be alone with me,

With no one else involved.

I told him that I wasn't ready

For that kind of commitment.

He went ballistic!

He warned me that he'd be around 4-6 weeks,

And wanted something long term.

What a loser.

I?m so not into him.

After two weeks of following me everywhere I went,

He said,

"Boy, it's either me or Wrist Splint."

Unsurprisingly, I chose Wrist Splint,

And he took a HIKE.

Haven't seen him for a year now.

Please don't give him my number.

He is one companion I am happier without



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