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“A High School Valentine” by Lil’ Octopus


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This proves that any comments are better than no comments, because it pushed me to read the story. No, I didn't find it depressing. I thought it was a great story that illustrated triumph over adversity. Ryan had the strength of character to stand up against his mother and Cody was able to take the lead and make their relationship happen. The author kept the tension going throughout, I was worried about Ryan, concerned about Cody and school, was it genuine? I was fretting about what Ryan's mother might do and even worried about the dog!

The story and plot overcame some little writing hiccups. The narrator lost his voice, meaning instead of hearing Ryan, it became the author. The tense got jumbled occasssionally and slipped into present instead of past tense narration, I know rather than I knew. None of this really got in the way of the story and the biggest compliment I can pay is that I would read more. More of this story, more from the author. 

It was a drama and I love real life drama, this one was well delivered. See for yourselves:



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14 hours ago, Rutabaga said:

Did others find this story as depressing as I did?


I've read this before... can't remember if I found it depressing.

I'd like to have heard more from Cody's Grandfather, the Antiquarian Bookseller.

I didn't buy Ryan's mother suddenly accepting his relationship. There is something distinctly worrying about zealotry.


This time it seemed to be part one of a two part story (a bit Carrie-esque).

Part two plot points in no discernible order:
A) 'Mama' goes completely off the reservation and ritualistically slaughters Ryan (who has previously discovered Ace, eviscerated, in the garden), whilst cackling hymns.
B) Ryan discovers his psychic abilities and the house burns down.

Ends with:
A) shot of a crucifix on the kitchen wall - fade to black.
B) Mama leaving, cleaver in hand, humming "Come to Mama, Cody, come to Mama...."
C) an asteroid wipes out the Earth. (requires Sensurround).


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