A Junkie's Lament

[Jason Rimbaud]

A Junkie?s Lament

By: Jason R.

In the town of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

A scared boy paced back and forth in a hallway

This hallway was thirty feet long

And this boy would walk until he?d hit a wall

Turn

And then walk the thirty feet to the next wall

Over and over

He did this for what seemed like an eternity

His once long brown hair was cut short

Shorter than he could ever remember it being

It stuck out in every direction

Un-combed

Un washed

Hell, everything about this boy was dirty

And dark

He rubbed his hands over his scalp

As he stalked down the hallway

Softly muttering to himself

As he paced back and forth

Each time he?d pass a certain door

He?d stop

And for a few seconds

He would stare at that closed door

Then he would mutter something

And resume his pacing

His gray eyes were red and glazed over

Numerous drugs ran through his system

Causing his hands to shake from the withdrawal

So badly the boy shook

He couldn?t open his pack of cigarettes

To retrieve even that small source of comfort

As he walked

His mind raced

Questions shooting through his tattered mind

What the hell was he doing here?

He didn?t need anyone?s help

Did he?

It wasn?t like he couldn?t control his urges

And besides

He couldn?t afford to take the time off work

He was barely holding on to his job as it were

Shaking his head

He turned and walked back towards the elevator

But in mid-step

He paused

Memories flooded through the drug-induced fog

Causing him to cry out in pain

He dropped to his knees and screamed

In the middle of the hallway

As the feelings washed over him

Threatening to engulf him

Drown him

He realized he was tired of living like this

Everything that had happened to him

The sex for money

The stolen stereo?s and pawned televisions

Endless nights of living on his knees

Or on his back

It was like a fog was lifting

And he could see the depths he had sunk

?I never meant to hurt anyone.?

He tried to scream

But his weakened condition

Caused it to be nothing more than a growl

Like he had devolved into something less than human

?How did I let this get so far??

?When did I lose control of my life??

?Who is this person I see staring back at me??

?This can?t be me, can it??

He had lost weight

His once fit body resembled a corpse

His eyes, sunken in and lifeless

His ribs showed through his skin

He rubbed his hair

It felt dry and dead

Just as he felt

?When did it all go wrong??

?Nooooooooo.?

It was scream

It lasted an eternity

That door opened

A tall man stepped out into the hall

His blue eyes widened at the sight before him

He saw a sick boy on his knees

Crying the pain only a junkie knows

He rushed to the boy?s side

?What?s wrong, son??

The boy looked up through his tears

?Everything is so fucked up. I need help.?

The man smiled

?Then you?ve come to the right place.?

The boy let the man haul him to his feet

Allowed the man to usher him into a room

And into a chair

A few moments later

A tall glass of water was shoved into his hand

The boy drank

The man had noticed the boy pacing in the hall

For forty-five minutes he watched patiently

Understanding the inner struggle inside the boy

Knowing unless the boy decided to enter the office

There was nothing he could do

But wait

And now

Finally

The wait was over

He could see it in the boy?s eyes

He was through fighting

The man took the empty glass

He asked

?How long have you been using??

?Forever.?

Looking into the man?s eyes

The boy wiped his tears

?My name?s Jason. And I have a problem.?