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Nerd jokes!

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Heisenberg is speeding down the highway when he's pulled over by the police.

"Do you know how fast you were going, son?" asks the cop.

"Yup", replies Heisenberg, "but where I am?"


Up in heaven, a bunch of scientists are playing tag, and it's Albert Einstein's turn to be "it." Once he gets done counting, he turns around and sees Isaac Newton just standing there, in the middle of a box he's drawn on the ground. So Einstein walks over and tags him, but Newton doesn't do anything. Einstein says, "Newton, what are you doing? I caught you."

Newton replies, "No, you didn't. I'm Newton over a square meter. You caught Pascal."


Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?

A: Fission Chips.


A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replied, "For you, no charge."


Q: If both a bear in Yosemite and one in Alaska fall into the water, which one disolves faster?

A: The one in Alaska, because it?s Polar.


Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when Jesus said, "The

Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9."

The disciples looked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter, "What on earth does Jesus


Peter said, "Don't worry. It's just another one of his parabolas."


Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

A: They're cheaper than day rates.


Isn?t it sad how entropy isn't what it used to be?


Q: What is the simplest way to observe the optical Doppler effect?

A: Go out at and look at cars on the street. The lights of the ones approaching you are white, while the lights of the ones moving away from you are red.


Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?


A student riding in a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited he asks, "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"


Q: Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

A: He couldn't put it down!

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