First Attempt at Gay Fiction

[Kurt]

Hey guys, i wanted to see what you all thought of this. An idea to write this just popped into my head about 30 minutes ago, and this is what I wrote. I know it is short, but... I plan on, if I do decide to continue with this to keep writing it as Diary Entries. I am not sure about this though, it may be to... common of a theme or whatever. What do you think? Please be 100% honest, even if you think it will hurt my feelings. Thanks a bunch!

Kurt

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sucked

[Tanuki Racoon]

I would like to say that my life is hell, but I am sure that it is no where near that.

No, it's only Hell after I edit. Seriously, you need editing. There are lots of little problems. But that's good because they're little problems. Although the premise of "Dear Diary" is utterly clich?, nobody's done it right yet so maybe it could be you. There's only one glaring problem (aside from some grammar, punctuation, and capitalization issues).

My sister caught me in her bedroom looking for something. I would not tell her what I was looking for, so she told me that if I did not tell her, she would tell our parents about my sexuality. Now, I figured that my sister was a mature person, so I did not think that she would really do such a thing, boy, was I wrong.

This is only bit in the whole story I dislike. And I really dislike it because of several reasons:

A. It isn't believable on any level because if you're writing a diary entry, you'd tell the diary what you were looking for.

B. If being gay is your biggest secret (which we shall assume it is because you haven't said otherwise) you'd make an effort to stop your sister from telling.

C. It's the author being immature not the sister. What's the kid doing in his sister's room anyway. I'm all for torture in a case such as this.

And it's way too short for a story. For a diary entry, it's fine. Diary entries are short. Unfortunately that makes a weak story. You've got to find balance. I wish you luck and look forward to seeing more.

[Tragic Rabbit]

I have to second all that the Stout Scarab said, and add a question. Was this post meant to be the entire thing? If so, then I misunderstood; I thought it was just an idea, a first entry in what would be a longer work. If that's it, then yeah, it's too short and lacks a lot of basics you'd need to make it a good story.

And, yes, the diary thing has been done lots of times, and sometimes excellently (but I'm thinking of offline fiction here-eg Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, Mr. Sammler's Planet by Saul Bellow), but doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

The whole sister's room thing was done strangely and unless there's a reason you're keeping secrets from your own diary (eg to spring something REALLY weird on the readers), I didn't like it. You might consider another way of telling the story than diary entries, possibly bypassing first-person altogether if you don't want to tell what your character is thinking or why he does what he does.

Character was okay, situation okay, not thrilling, but I want you to ask yourself: why are you trying to write 'gay fiction'? Just write something. IMO fiction can't be gay, only people can, and so we should just write stories. Some stories may involve gay characters, some may not; 'gayness' may not be an issue in 99% of what you write.

I guess I dislike that phrase, 'gay fiction', as much as 'gay sex'...like what, 'gay sex' another entire set of behaviors? I don't think so, it's just sex between men, not a whole different party game. Yeah, sure, there are things you can do with men that you can't with women, and vice versa, but, pretty much, sex is sex, IMO. Sex acts aren't gay, people are gay; stories aren't gay, people are gay. Ok, rant over.

Kisses...

TR

PS. Even a short short story takes a lot longer than a half hour, if it's any good. I've clocked myself and, though I think and type fast, I can only get so many usable words per hour...I think it was 500 (?), and that's AT BEST and if I'm on a roll, chainsmoking and on the caffeine IV. Don't laugh, Steven King says giving up nicotine and caffeine cut down on both his inspiration and the speed/efficiency with which he writes. That does count time off to 'think'(if you don't know what I mean, then I probably can't explain it), but doesn't count time off to research, make notes or corrections. In other words, I think you should invest more than a half hour before putting anything out, even here, for comments. I probably spent nearly that much time writing this reply post. Not really equitable, you know?

[Nickolas James]

I think your story has a lot of potential, Kurt, but here's what I'd do....

I'd read it one more time, then I'd go do something else besides sitting at the computer in front of what you just wrote. Then, while your busy, tell yourself the story again. Try to add things to it that you want it to have, and do it so that it's compelling to you. Think about things you can add to it, like small details such as what your mom and dad were doing when you got home. Were they drinking coffee? If so, did the aroma drift into your nostrils? Add small things like that into your plot, and any idea, including a diary entry, can work out well. Good luck, Kurt, and btw, I kinda liked it

[Kurt]

Thank you everyone for being very honest, tha is what I wanted! If i would have just wrote it, and left in the word document, it would have been left at just that. I guess i am just saying that I needed other people to see it, so I would not have just stopped. So, thank you.

Kurt

[captainrick]

Don't give up Kurt. You have potential. The number 1 thing is the Desire to write, and you obviously have that. I liked the premise, but I agree with the other posters on this entry. Keep trying!

Hugs,

Rick D.

[DarkShadow]

Okay? Here is what I would do with this. If I were editing (which I am not and you should be grateful because I can?t edit for shite)

Dear Diary,

This is my first time writing to you. Today was a cluster f**k of epic proportions, and you are my solution for sorting it all out.

Today, my parents were informed that I?m gay. I wasn?t sure how they would react, but I didn?t think it would happen like this. I thought for sure that I would be the one to tell them. Now they refuse to talk to me. I came home from school, after having such a great day, and they sent me to my room, and told me to stay there.

I was a little suspicious before I walked in the front door, because normally, I?m the first one home. When they told me to go to my room, I knew for certain, something serious was going on.

I guess I should go back a little and explain. About three weeks ago, I came out to my first person, my sister (Kate? A name here please). She?s 19, and I?m 15. I thought we were close and that I could trust her. When we were driving down to my Uncles farm three weeks ago, she just came out and asked me if I was gay. I didn?t answer right away, but then admitted that I was. She said it was okay, and I thought that was the end of it, because she didn't mention it for the rest of the trip.

Then, yesterday something happened. My sister (A name here instead of My sister) caught me in her bedroom looking for (a what? We need to know what? to know what you?re hiding and why you wouldn?t tell. Were you rifling though her underwear drawer? What?s Up? Consider: I was rifling through her (whatever) drawer, looking for a (whatever), when she walked in.) I refused to tell her what I was looking for. She told me that if I didn?t, she?d reveal my secret. I considered my sister a mature person, so I didn?t think that she?d really do it. I suspect I may have been wrong.

So, here I am, trapped in my room, waiting for ?the talk?. My sister must have told them. Why else would they act this way? I?m not sure, but I thought I heard my parents say the word ?gay? as I went to my room. Well, I guess we?ll see what comes next. I?ll let you know.

Bobby

P.S. Thanks. I feel better already having written this down.

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Okay... this is what I would do with it. I've rewritten it in such a way that I think flows better and continues the mystery. This... (if I were to read it) would draw me to read the next chapter. I can't explain why I would do it this way other than I just think it flows better.

I could be wrong. I'm new to writing so take the changes with a grain of salt. If nothing else... it's something to consider, and gives you some options. You seem to have some 'tense' issues within sentences, and if it were me.. I'd suggest losing the 'now,' thing. When we gab with friends.... we might speak that way, but when we read... it's different. 'Now,' is an interruption to thought. So if you can avoid it... I would.

Hope it helps hun! Take care and can't wait to read more hehehe!

Take care!

Hey guys, i wanted to see what you all thought of this. An idea to write this just popped into my head about 30 minutes ago, and this is what I wrote. I know it is short, but... I plan on, if I do decide to continue with this to keep writing it as Diary Entries. I am not sure about this though, it may be to... common of a theme or whatever. What do you think? Please be 100% honest, even if you think it will hurt my feelings. Thanks a bunch!

Kurt

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Dear Diary,

This is my first time writing to you. Things have gotten f**ked up today, and I just needed a place to let it all out.

I would like to say that my life is hell, but I am sure that it is no where near that.

Today, my parents found out that I am gay. I wasn?t sure how they would take it, but I didn?t think it would happen like this, and I thought for sure that I would have been the one to tell them. My parents are not talking to me. I came home from school, I had been having such a great day, and they told me to go to my room and stay there all night. Now, I was a little suspicious before I even went into the house, normally I am the first one home. But, when they told me to go to my room, I knew for sure that something serious was going on.

I guess I could go back a little and explain some things. About three weeks ago, I came out to my first person. That person was my sister. She is 19, and I am 15. We are fairly close, or so I thought. We were driving down to my Uncles farm, and she just came out and asked me if I am gay. I did not say anything right away, but then I told her that I am. She said it was okay, and that was the end of it. Neither of us brought it up for the rest of the drive, nor for the past three weeks.

Then, yesterday something bad happened. My sister caught me in her bedroom looking for something. I would not tell her what I was looking for, so she told me that if I did not tell her, she would tell our parents about my sexuality. Now, I figured that my sister was a mature person, so I did not think that she would really do such a thing, boy, was I wrong.

So, here I am today, locked up in my room waiting for my parents to talk to me. My sister must have talked told my parents; why else would they be like this. I did also, at least I think, hear my parents say the word ?gay? as I was walking to my room. Well, I guess we will see what is in store for me. I will keep you updated.

Bobby

P.S. I already feel better just writing this down to you, thank you Diary.