Telemarketers

[DarkShadow]

Okay... I just got another of MANY telemarketer calls I get each night. My general tactic is to say 'could you hold one moment'.... when you ask that... they are always sure to say 'SURE!'... They think that you might actually listen. Then... very quietly I hang up the phone and let them wait for the beep-beep-beep.

Anyway... it reminded me of an email I got a while back and I thought you all might get a hoot out of it so I'm going to copy and paste it here. I thought it was hysterical!

How do you all usually deal with them all?

(the email)

The phone rang as I was sitting down to my evening

meal, and as I Answered it I was greeted with "Is this

Karl Brummer".

Not sounding anything like my name, I asked who is

calling.

The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band

Powered Freezer Company or something like that.

Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally and why

was he calling this number.

I then said off to the side, "get some pictures of the

body at various angles and the blood smears". I then

turned back to the phone and advised the caller that

he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the

line because we had already traced this call

and he would be receiving a Summons to testify in this

murder case.

I questioned the caller at great length as to his

name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he

worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he

prove where he had been about one hour before he made

this call.

The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his

answers were given in a shaky voice.

I then told him we had located his position and the

police were entering the building to take him into

custody. At that point I heard the phone fall and the

scurrying of his running away.

My wife asked me, as I returned to our table, why I

had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I

couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My

meal was cold, but it was the best meal in a long,

long time.

(heheh something to try for your next telemarketer )

[captainrick]

Okay... I just got another of MANY telemarketer calls I get each night. My general tactic is to say 'could you hold one moment'.... when you ask that... they are always sure to say 'SURE!'... They think that you might actually listen. Then... very quietly I hang up the phone and let them wait for the beep-beep-beep.

Anyway... it reminded me of an email I got a while back and I thought you all might get a hoot out of it so I'm going to copy and paste it here. I thought it was hysterical!

How do you all usually deal with them all?

(the email)

The phone rang as I was sitting down to my evening

meal, and as I Answered it I was greeted with "Is this

Karl Brummer".

Not sounding anything like my name, I asked who is

calling.

The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band

Powered Freezer Company or something like that.

Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally and why

was he calling this number.

I then said off to the side, "get some pictures of the

body at various angles and the blood smears". I then

turned back to the phone and advised the caller that

he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the

line because we had already traced this call

and he would be receiving a Summons to testify in this

murder case.

I questioned the caller at great length as to his

name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he

worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he

prove where he had been about one hour before he made

this call.

The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his

answers were given in a shaky voice.

I then told him we had located his position and the

police were entering the building to take him into

custody. At that point I heard the phone fall and the

scurrying of his running away.

My wife asked me, as I returned to our table, why I

had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I

couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My

meal was cold, but it was the best meal in a long,

long time.

(heheh something to try for your next telemarketer <evil grin> )

I love it!

In all seriousness, you can be listed on the National Don't Call List. Here is the website:

https://www.donotcall.gov/default.aspx

Many states, including mine, have one of their own. I'm on both, and it seems to be pretty effective. Now if they would just do one for those nasty bill collecters

Anyhow just thought I'd add that in.

Happy Holidays everyone and hope everyone's New Year starts off GREAT!

Rick D.

[DesDownunder]

That is so funny!

I think it originated at the following site.

Seems like it was a radio broadcast. The site lets you hear it:

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/272025/very_...emarketer_call/

Further fun reading at: http://www.pgts.com.au/download/humour/telemarket.txt

[DarkShadow]

lol When I first read it I know I nearly spewed Dt. Mountain Dew. It just cracked me up. I'm glad you both liked it lol

I have registered on the 'national do not call list' but I know I haven't registered for anything state wise. I'll have to check that out. Thanks for the suggestion!

Take care!

[JamesSavik]

Thankfully I'm on the no call list and don't get calls like that anymore. Back in the day though, Sprint/WorldConn about drove me berserk.

ring, ring...

"Hallo?"

"Sir, are you happy with your long distance service?"

"Happy!? I'm orgasmically delighted with my long distance service. I'm f_ing ecstatic about my long distance service. I write letters to all family & friends about my long distance service. I jerk off looking at charts and graphs of my long distance service rates. I'm trying to marry my long distance service so get lost home-wrecker!" <hangs up in a huff>

Another type of spamming that I actually enjoy is when Mormons send twinks to my door. I so love curb service. It is a bit like sending... oh, never mind

Mormon kid: "Sir, may I talk to you about your walk with Jesus?"

Evil Beast: "Well I'm not really a Christian..."

Mormon kid: "What is your faith if I might ask?"

Evil Beast: "I worship the old Gods- Odin, Thor, Freyer..."

Mormon kid: "That's interesting. You don't meet too many poly-theist these days. What drew you to that faith?"

Evil Beast: "The Old Gods aren't all pissy about moralistic stuff. They only require courage and sacrifice."

Mormon kid: "Courage and sacrifice?"

Evil Beast: "Well, they won't respect you unless you've got courage. They want you to sacrifice a virgin every now and again. You know how hard it is to find a virgin these days? Say- you Mormons are big on Chasity aren't you?" <Evil grin>

Mormon kid: Eeek, out!

[Trab]

James, that's is hilarious. Curb service with twinks.

For what it's worth, we don't have Mormons come to the door here though. We only get elderly female Witnesses. It's strange that they haven't realized I'm just not about to find God that way, despite the 1/2 dozen fresh eggs they bring weekly. There really IS some benefit to being polite. :)

[Tanuki Racoon]

Another type of spamming that I actually enjoy is when Mormons send twinks to my door. I so love curb service. It is a bit like sending... oh, never mind

My striaght friend Paul, when he knows there's a religious zealot at the door, disrobes and answers naked. They never hang around long.

[colinian]

James, that's is hilarious. Curb service with twinks.

For what it's worth, we don't have Mormons come to the door here though. We only get elderly female Witnesses. It's strange that they haven't realized I'm just not about to find God that way, despite the 1/2 dozen fresh eggs they bring weekly. There really IS some benefit to being polite. :)

The Witnesses bring you eggs?? That is wonderful! At my house they are mid-20's looking guys all dressed up in dark suits with white shirts and ties, carrying bibles. When I answer the door and it's a group of them (always at least 2 but usually 3 guys), in a quiet voice I tell them that I'm Jesus incarnate and that I'm very busy and please come back next century, then I bless them and close the door. They go away.

They still haven't come up with a comeback, which is funny because I started saying that last year (2005) after we got back from our family summer vacation to L.A. and my granddad told me that's what he says. I'm pretty sure their training includes how to respond to just about anything people say to them.

Colin

[blue]

*Sigh* The last two times any Witnesses visited my place, it was two women. I politely told them I was happy at my own church and :grins: invited them to attend. ;) They were polite, but suddenly much less interested.... You know, if it'd been a handsome guy or two, I *might* have become more ecumenically inclined. (Maybe.)

A Jewish guy I know said that he once knew a recent immigrant from Israel to the US, who was very devout. Two Witnesses or Mormons came to his door with their Bibles. The Jewish man happily exclaimed, "Oh, a translation!" and beamed and, naturally, began chanting from Genesis in Hebrew, "In the beginning...." The two evangelicals had no idea what this was, and left in a hurry. The immigrant friend was amused, he knew what was going on; but he was also dismayed. It's not uncommon to begin reciting scripture in chant where he's from.

Another friend, a Christian, says she greets evangelicals by saying, sure, they can come in and talk to her about their views, IF they'll allow her equal time to discuss her views and ask her questions. Unfortunately, she's never had any takers. They leave quickly.

[Trab]

I just have to tell you about a Witness visit my dad fielded one day. He'd been told that the best thing was to say that you are a devote Catholic, and that they would then leave immediately. Well, it wasn't true. He came out with this fabrication, and the first thing one of them said was, "Oh. You Catholics are the ones who need help the most." My poor dad had a heck of a time getting them to leave.

[DesDownunder]

errr...How did we go from telemarketers to religious door knockers?

Not that I mind. It was worth it for the curb service remark.

I lost my cool one day and just exclaimed to the Seventh Day Adventist couple (male/female) that we were all gay atheists in this house and slammed the door. The response from them as they left was a rather hysterical screaming of "Devil's house, Devil's house."

Never saw them again.

[JamesSavik]

errr...How did we go from telemarketers to religious door knockers?

Not that I mind. It was worth it for the curb service remark.

It's about all the different varieties of spam: wether it comes in your inbox, over the telephone or comes door to door carried by a cute Mormon twinkie in desperate need of a makeover.

[DesDownunder]

It's about all the different varieties of spam: wether it comes in your inbox, over the telephone or comes door to door carried by a cute Mormon twinkie in desperate need of a makeover.

Jamessavik, I think you are on a roll here with the witty remarks.

The idea of the Mormon twink getting a makeover is the first step to a gay religion perhaps?

We could go knocking on doors offering demonstrations of makeovers, fashion sense and other delights from the cruiser van we use to drive us around.

Just imagine talking to straight couples about the fulfilling and thrilling relationships they could have outside their marriage with someone of the same sex.

Oh What's that? They already know about them? Oh well it was just a thought.

[Abraxas]

It's about all the different varieties of spam: wether it comes in your inbox, over the telephone or comes door to door carried by a cute Mormon twinkie in desperate need of a makeover.

ROFLMAO!!!

Tune in for the latest hit on LOGO TV, Queer guy for the straight twink! Brought to you by James Savik Productions!

Abraxas

[DarkShadow]

Some days I'm feeling more combatant than others, so it often dictates my response. If I've had my coffee.. heheh 'Let the games begin!'

Question 1... Who did Adam and Eve's son have sex with. His mother or his sister?

Question 2... If god can do anything, can she make a mountain she can't climb?

Question 3... So sweet meat. Why does god make homosexuals?

I usually don't get past the first question ;) I've never had any stay past the third heheh.

Have a great new year all!

[Abraxas]

To be honest, my solution to telemarketers is a very simple and straightforward. I just turn the ringers off on the phones. The only people I'm willing to talk to have my cell number, and know to call that one.

Abraxas

[JamesSavik]

ROFLMAO!!!

Tune in for the latest hit on LOGO TV, Queer guy for the straight twink! Brought to you by James Savik Productions!

Abraxas

Well- first let's get rid of the button-down missionary look. It may be good for making people feel sorry for these guys but it just doesn't work in the summer heat when most of these kids are out spreading the word.

I would suggest that... Oh My God what is that!! Holy underwear? No, no, NO! Boxers.

And WTF is with this bowl cut hair? Guys- it you've got good hair, grow it out. If not, cut it short.

Now- try these cargo shorts and concert t-shirts.

No socks- go with footies and topsiders.

There you go- now you don't have to look like roving religious maniacs.

[TalonRider]

I have my phone numbers on the Do Not Call list. For those that do call, after checking the caller ID, there's the answering machine waiting on them.

Jan

[captainrick]

Well- first let's get rid of the button-down missionary look. It may be good for making people feel sorry for these guys but it just doesn't work in the summer heat when most of these kids are out spreading the word.

I would suggest that... Oh My God what is that!! Holy underwear? No, no, NO! Boxers.

And WTF is with this bowl cut hair? Guys- it you've got good hair, grow it out. If not, cut it short.

Now- try these cargo shorts and concert t-shirts.

No socks- go with footies and topsiders.

There you go- now you don't have to look like roving religious maniacs.

OMFG! James this is the most hilarious thread I've seen in some time. Your are absolutely evil!

You're my new hero

Rick