Masturbation

[Tanuki Racoon]

Please don't post lurid, pornographic stuff in this thread. This is meant to be fun and not explicit.

Okay, we've all spanked the monkey, choked the chicken, and whatnot. (Or the female equivalent thereof, as appropriate).

Today we're conducting an unscientific poll for amusment purposes. What are the weirdest place(s) you've done it? You can mention how old you were, if you were caught, and so forth. But please try not to turn this into a porno thread.

I shall answer first:

1. On a Greyhound bus -- with a member of the opposite sex (when I was in my early 20s)

2. At boy scout camp in a tent when everyone was outside eating dinner. (I was a scout at the time)

I have never been caught.

[Camy]

Hahahahahaha!

Ok, so on the roof of my house with a friend when I was 12. We weren't caught.

Camy

the blushing emu.

[Tanuki Racoon]

Hahahahahaha!

Ok, so on the roof of my house with a friend when I was 12. We weren't caught.

Camy

the blushing emu.

Yeah but you were probably seen by lots of people. I should probably check YouTube for the video :)

[The Pecman]

Boy, this is an embarrassing topic.

A friend of mine at summer camp did it with me underwater, in a lake, at about 2AM.

And once, on a dare, three other guys all spanked it with me in a garage. There was at least one more occasion where the same group got together at neighborhood concrete mixing plant, and fooled around in an indoor gravel pit.

And in one last case, a friend of mine dared me to do it at the top of a carnival ferris wheel (with him sitting next to me), but I didn't, uh, complete the act, because the wheel was moving.

In all the above, I was about 13 or 14. There's gotta be some weirder ones than that, but that's all I can remember. The mind grows hazy with the years. I do know I never got caught, but I had some close calls.

[EleCivil]

Heh, funny topic.

Okay...I can only think of two that are unusual, and they were both a pretty long time ago.

-Six years old, middle of the playground during recess. Don't know if it counts as being "caught", since I started and finished right there in front of everybody without a second thought about it. I didn't really know what I was doing, and had no idea that doing it in public was frowned upon.

-Ten years old, in the church library, behind a children's book (about a mouse who steals cheese and feels guilty about it until he confesses his sins...funny how things like that stay with you), while everyone else was downstairs singing hymns.

[DesDownunder]

One among several sticks (so to speak) in my mind.

In the pictures whilst I was, with my grandmother and mum watching a Deanna Durbin movie. "Mad About Men." It's true!

No nothing was said, I don't think they knew. I was 14 I think.

[blue]

Blue's contemplating that ulcer/headache too. I don't quite know whether to be appalled or amused, and I'm not sure what a teen would think, if he or she saw a thread about The "M" Word...and guys discussing what they'd done.

Yet I could answer too. Oh, alright. This might be bad judgment on my part, but I guess I'll say something.

I guess I'm unlucky for two reasons: One, I have been interrupted before more than once. Two, darn it, I might've liked if a friend had joined in. I would've been really happy if that one friend had, actually.

Nothing particularly unusual about place or situation or technique. Risky? Well, in the shower at freshman orientation, but nobody else was around...I would've been embarrassed as **** if someone had walked in on me. Uh, I was 18 and very horny. Very.

I grew up feeling alternately just fine about doing that, or pretty guilty about it; not so much for the act itself, but because I was thinking about guys instead of girls. -- Usually, I was fine about it, fulfilling what I knew was an urge or need. After all, I knew if I didn't, it'd happen in my sleep. (Topic in itself, there.) But there were plenty of other times where I felt guilty afterward, because I'd wanted to be with a guy and had fantasized (or dreamt) about what I'd do with him.

I am pretty sure that if I'd had a friend or two who'd asked me or who'd said yes if I asked, that I would've felt much better and been much healthier about having feelings for guys. I might not have gone in the closet if I had some friendly sharing of that (or other things) along the way.

-----

For what it's worth, I decided long ago that, if I had ever had kids, I'd want them never to feel guilty about masturbation or how their body looks or being nude around others. I would also want any kids of mine to be informed about how both genders' bodies function, health and hygiene, protection, and sexuality.

My dad hardly talked to me about "the birds and the bees," when I asked as a boy, and it was so unhelpful that I didn't ask him again. In part, it was because he didn't know enough or how to talk about it himself. But in part, it was one of the few (but big) areas where my dad, good, loving guy that he was, didn't do a good job of parenting. -- And of course, I grew up as a confused gay-but-not-accepting-himself teen.

I hope that, by saying things here, others see that it's OK to be themselves. Enjoy being yourself, and don't make yourself feel bad about it. What you have down there is pretty much the same as what anybody else has, and (if you believe in a creator) then that creator made that and knows what it does, all of what it does, and must have wanted you to have it and known that you'd use it. -- So be happy and healthy, and if you're with someone else, be good to one another.

Yes, I went off-topic. ...To me, it relates to the topic.

[smiley7]

8th grade, at a urinal during a recess-time type thing [fridays weren't exactly scheduled at my all-boys orthodox jewish yeshiva school]. I was exceptionally horny, what can I say?

[dude]

What's going on here? I turn my back for five minutes and you are all hanging out manipulating your digits?

(furtively looks around)

I was 14 on a midnight summer hayride on my gramp's farm in rural Missouri with a bunch of friends. The older guys were making out in the hay in the back with their girls (four couples)... we younger guys (about a half dozen) up front were left to our own 'devices.' Never quite completed the act as I was holding the reins... (as well) sigh.

(Ahem) Now let's have a little decorum in this room... Blue go over and stand at your usual place in the corner! And take your hands out of your pockets!

Oh... and we weren't really caught as we all flagrante delicto!

[DesDownunder]

blue wrote:

Yes, I went off-topic. ...To me, it relates to the topic.

To me too blue...well worth saying!

Dude, we usually wait for you to leave before we have one of these discussions, then we delete it...You caught us out this time.

[Camy]

Ok, so on the roof of my house with a friend when I was 12. We weren't caught.

Yeah but you were probably seen by lots of people. I should probably check YouTube for the video :)

Do YouTube show wax cylinders?

Actually, we were behind a chimney stack - the pigeons were the only ones shocked.

[Trab]

I was five and did it in my grandma's livingroom, got caught, and was told the story about going blind. Sadly, when I needed glasses (a sure sign of going blind) at 14, I knew she'd lied to me, since I hadn't done it again. Later in life, and I mean in my twenties and onwards, I explored various locations: in the middle of a lake after diving off the boat, in the picnic shelter of a campground in 'Big Sky Country', and at the top of a mountain I climbed, but nothing too wierd or adventuresome.

[Rad]

1. inside the car outside the church when I had to wait my aunt attending a mass.

2. I was caught by mom! around 17 & that was.....well, I dont wanna talk about it

Rad

Capitalism, Atheism, Free Beer!

[Cole Parker]

Please, please, please. Don't anyone else write about getting caught by their mom. It doesn't bear thinking about. I think I need a drink.

Cole

[Tanuki Racoon]

Please, please, please. Don't anyone else write about getting caught by their mom. It doesn't bear thinking about. I think I need a drink.

Yes, I agree. If you got caught by your mother, that's probably why you're hanging around this lot here :D

[Cole Parker]

And of course it makes one wonder just where you were in the act when she came in. were you-- NO! NO! Bad Cole!. Don't go there! Dont'ht think about it!

I need anohter drink now.

Cole

[Camy]

I was five and did it in my grandma's livingroom, got caught, and was told the story about going blind.

Five? FIVE! Blimey, that's advanced.

I don't think this counts. To be caught doing something wrong, surely you must know it's wrong to begin with, and at five you don't.

When I first started 'thinking' about guys I do remember the guilt, the feeling of being BAD, and how wrong it was... though I don't remember why I thought it was wrong. That's for another thread.

Camy

[Trab]

You're right Camy. It wasn't wrong to me, just fun, but Grandma quickly made sure I knew it was wrong. I really wish people would just stop with the 'wrong' and maybe think if it as 'inappropriate at this time in this location'.

[Graeme]

You're right Camy. It wasn't wrong to me, just fun, but Grandma quickly made sure I knew it was wrong. I really wish people would just stop with the 'wrong' and maybe think if it as 'inappropriate at this time in this location'.

To that generation, masturbation was a sin. The relevant sections of the bible have since been re-translated and it's now homosexuality they refer to.

For the record, I am refraining from contributing to the stories because it is entirely possible that my boys may read this thread in future years, and I don't want to disturb their mental stability with stories that no child should know about a parent.

[blue]

LOL, I can see how that might be embarrassing for you and them.

Though -- If a parent teaches their son that's it's OK and natural, and to be done in private; and if they learn it's alright for them to like guys or girls or both; well, I'd say they'd been given one of the best lessons about themselves and loving others that they could get.

That you both, as parents, would give them the chance to read online, when they are old enough, and discuss things, to form their opinions with open discussion.... You and your wife and kids are so very, very fortunate to have each other.

If only more parents would be that thoughtful, open, and honest, in teaching their kids, it'd save a lot of mistakes and hurt feelings.

[Camy]

I'm wondering what exciting new thread Wibby will come up with next!

[Trab]

I have a question that I've wanted answered for a couple of years now, but I've not been able to figure out how to ask it and still abide by politeness guidelines. Should I ask the Dude the question in private, and see if he approves of it in the forum?

[Camy]

I have a question that I've wanted answered for a couple of years now, but I've not been able to figure out how to ask it and still abide by politeness guidelines. Should I ask the Dude the question in private, and see if he approves of it in the forum?

You could, or ask it in the green room, which is only open to members rather than the general public. Or PM someone you think might know.

Blue's probably the one to ask, since it's his closet. ;)

[Trab]

This isn't a question that has any relevance with only one answer. It requires one answer but from a lot of people. Unless there is enough feedback, the answers would be useless.

[Camy]

This isn't a question that has any relevance with only one answer. It requires one answer but from a lot of people. Unless there is enough feedback, the answers would be useless.

Post it then! ... my mind is boggling.