Author, Poet & Friend Codey in hospital!

[Graeme]

I've got an update from Tim.

Codey will be going home tomorrow. His kidney's still haven't restarted, but his family is respecting his wishes and are bring him home. They're preparing his room so it be less like a hospital room.

He's had dialysis, just in case his kidney failure is like his breathing and heart beat earlier, and restart on their own, but they aren't hopeful.

Tim said to say thank you to everyone who has passed on messages. They're all overwhelmed with the response.

[blue]

Thanks, Graeme, for updating while I was away.

[blue]

A little history on Codey

Some of you have asked about Codey's health or offered advice. That's very much appreciated.

Tuesday morning, Tim and I talked about it, and well, it's time to tell you some about Codey. Codey has known he or Tim or I would tell you, when he was ready to say it.

For a long time now, Codey has wanted most of that to be private, because it is something he has to deal with, but the memories are painful; and because many people both in person and online, have reacted badly to his physical situation and his intelligence. Codey is not the kind of guy who accepts pity. Mostly, he's wanted his privacy, so he could enjoy being himself.

He's told a few of us along the way, and some of you have probably noticed a few things too.

This isn't hiding the fact that he's who he is, or how he is. This has been his way of coping and having control of his life and his decisions.

I am going to try to keep it simple, and I'll try to get across why Codey didn't just immediately say everything, in a way I hope you'll understand. At the same time, I'll try to respect Codey's and Tim's personal space.

First off, Codey has had long-term health problems since before any of us online met him. These are not "get well soon," curable things. As much as medical science can heal, any doctor would tell you, much of it is still a mystery, and they try their best.

What and why? -- Alright, folks, this is hard to say and it'll be hard to read.

Codey was in a severe auto accident when he was almost 12. His parents' minivan was hit by a drunk trucker. His parents and his younger brothers were killed. He survived, and was conscious when he was rescued. Codey had multiple injuries, especially to his head and neck, burns, and various other things. He was in a coma for 47 days, and in the hospital for 19 months. It left him with progressively weakening physical conditions, mostly due to brain and spinal injury. He was severely traumatized and has clinical depression. His condition meant he likely wouldn't make it to 18.

Codey wanted to die. He'd figured out he was gay, when he had feelings for one of his roommates. He thought if he told his Gramps, that he wouldn't want him anymore. His Gramps told him that if God had made him gay, then he should be the best gay boy he could be.

Codey was able to walk, with crutches.

Tim's family were neighbors of Codey's Gramps, and Tim was friends with all of them. Somewhere along the way, Codey and Tim became best friends, and explored, the way many boys do, and they began to love each other.

But Codey was still depressed. It is not something that goes away. He attempted suicide, and survived.

Tim stuck by him and time passed. During this time, Tim told his family. His family supports them, but his brother no longer speaks to him. Tim and Codey live together and went to school together.

In 2004, when he was 14, a bully at school objected to "the gay, crippled kid," and kicked Codey's feet out from under him, in the cafeteria. Codey hit the back of his head, the same place where he'd been injured. The bully was 17, tried as an adult, and given boot camp and probation.

In December of 2004, I first saw Codey online. He began a poetry challenge between him, me, and EleCivil. Maybe a week later, he and I had a misunderstanding, and he PMed, and what he said struck me to the core, and I apologized. We became friends and began to IM, and he told me about his accident. At that time, he still had nightmares, and would blank out for a few seconds at a time. We became close friends. He began posting poems which are now hosted at Codey's World. A few weeks later, at Graeme's and my urging, he sent me the first few chapters of a draft of Freefall and another novel that's unfinished. I knew he had something special. I began editing his stories.

During 2005, I think it was, Codey had a corrective knee surgery that didn't heal right. He has been in a wheelchair or in bed, since then. In late 2005, he became deeply depressed again and had to be offline a long while. When he came back, he thought I'd hate "the crazy kid" and wouldn't want anything to do with him. But I didn't feel that way at all; I'd almost attempted suicide, before coming out.

Codey also had some trouble online. But because so much of his social life and support and friends are online, his Gramps let him and Tim stay online. (That's serious and verified. An offender was jailed.)

In late 2005, Codey lost consciousness one evening. When he was coming to and recovering, he had a dream, and wrote "I Danced With Unicorns."

In 2006, Codey graduated high school early, at 16. He didn't attend his graduation ceremony or have a class photo. You should understand that Codey doesn't like how he looks. He has scars and other reminders from the accident, and sleeps with medical monitors on. Ever since the accident, he's had to take drugs: painkillers, anti-depressants, and other things. He hates drugs and alcohol with a passion, and wonders why anyone would want to take something to make them feel like that. In public, people often react badly, and think he's retarded, because of how he looks, sounds, and moves. Folks, I have been around handicapped people all my life, and I'm handicapped too. You do not know what it is like, until some stranger looks at you or someone you care about, or makes some stupid remark.

Some of you may have wondered why Codey didn't record his own stories and poems. The answer's simple: Codey's speech is strongly slurred, much like stroke victims' speech is affected. He wouldn't even tell me how much, until late last year. That's why you hear me reading them instead.

Some of you have wondered about his medical care. Please know he's getting the best health care available. Also know that Codey has refused some things, and he doesn't want any extraordinary measures to prolong his life. He wants to be with his family in his own home, where he's happy, with dignity.

I am very sorry if you think he should have said any of this sooner, but he hates the memories and feelings this brings up. He doesn't want any pity, or to be called a hero. He hates it when people don't understand, react badly, ignore he is even there, or wonder if he's for real, because of how well he writes, and because he is intelligent enough to have graduated early, despite his handicaps. Like most smart teens, he wants to be treated like an equal; not a kid, not an adult, an equal.

He wanted to keep all this private, so he could be himself, without people doubting him or pitying him or some other strange notions. He was also keeping this private, for Tim and their family.

If you don't understand why he didn't say these things sooner, I would ask you to think about why a guy like Codey might want to keep painful and personal things private.

Some of you have asked what you could do to help, or if you could visit, see a picture, or send cards and letters. Please know, even his best friends online have asked that too. His family knows we mean well, and they are truly overwhelmed at our support. As much as we care about them, we have to remember that this is his immediate family, and respect their private time. Let them make their own decisions in their own time.

Folks, Codey's family and friends visit here, and his online friends (like you and me) and their family and friends. These are some very special people.

[Cole Parker]

Thanks, Blue

[TalonRider]

Wow. Thanks for sharing that Ben. Added to what you briefly told me the other night, I truly understand the reaction now.

Like you said, it's all in the past now. What I am about to say, I don't say out of pity, but out of respect to the person known as Codey, and to The Collision Crew, I'm sorry I acted like such an ass.

Jan

[Graeme]

Thanks, Ben.

~hugs~ for Codey, Tim, their families, and their friends.

[blue]

Hey all,

Codey is home and settled into his room. I don't know if he's conscious or if so, if he's cognizant. Tim went to be with him.

Tim's really appreciated all the responses. By turns, he's feeling numb, heartbroken, or really uplifted by all the love he's seeing. He's shown me a few of the ones they've gotten at their email. You all are pretty special.

Despite our visitor numbers, I don't think we realized how much of an impact Codey and this site have had, and will have. The site will keep growing. We are committed to that.

[Camy]

For Codey, Tim and everyone.

Camy

[jack scribe]

For Codey, Tim and everyone.

Camy

I'm going to make a donation to MADD. Constant public awareness of the damage done by drunken drivers is required.

John

[dude]

I've just read what Blue has written. And believe is an exceptionally accurate and well written presentation of what has happened in Codey's life.

Despite the loss of his immediate family in the horrific accident... and the other traumatic things that followed... Codey remains - to this day - blessed with people around him who love him dearly and always will, in his own home as well those of us around the world.

I am, and will always remain, one of those.

Thanks, Ben

Mike

[Trab]

"Codey remains blessed with people around him who love him dearly and always will..."

While you are completely correct, there is a significant aspect that should not be overlooked: Codey's own love and concern for people is reflected back at him. Love, friendship and respect come back to one as love, friendship and respect, and that's Codey's truest blessing, a wonderful and kind soul that we all cannot help but love.

[blue]

Trab, often, you understand more than you give yourself credit for. Several times in the past week, you've shown what a true friend you are and how well you understand Codey or me or others.

[blue]

Update:

Codey is home, in his room, stable and resting comfortably. He seems to know he's home.

Last night, Tim, Kyle, and Codey's dog, and two cats slept with Codey. It's the first time in a while that Codey's been able to have someone sleeping with him, and one of the things he's missed.

This morning, Gramps sat with Codey and talked to him.

His Gramps and Tim are with him today.

The rest of us are with him in spirit, "all my angels / ringed to defend."

[DesDownunder]

The rest of us are with him in spirit, "all my angels / ringed to defend."

That we are Blue, that we are.

[TalonRider]

Update:

Codey is home, in his room, stable and resting comfortably. He seems to know he's home.

The rest of us are with him in spirit, "all my angels / ringed to defend."

I very much believe he knows where he is. I spent the last 8 hours of my mothers life with her. When I arrived, I let her know I was there. I noticed a slight difference in her facial expression which told me she knew I was there.

That last statement is very much true.

Jan

[colinian]

I said over at CW:

Colin, for you four, and the guys and girls in the dorm -- that's one of the sweetest, coolest things I've seen in quite a while.

Tell your friends / dorm buddies thank you, and hug them, please.

Ben,

I did. They are new friends, just since this school year started, and it's amazing how Codey's story seems to move people to respond.

Colin

[Jack Frost]

I don't really believe in prayers or anything... Just hope and I hope that'd be good enough.

It doesn't stop me from feeling a little sad seeing such a young life with a big future ahead...only being taken away by some illness.

I wish him all the best from all of the hopes I have in me. Let's hope he'll pull though like he has before.

<3

Sois bient?t en bonne sant

[blue]

Je le veux m?me aussi, ?las. ~ I wish the same also, alas.

[Lugnutz]

I don't really believe in prayers or anything... Just hope and I hope that'd be good enough.

It doesn't stop me from feeling a little sad seeing such a young life with a big future ahead...only being taken away by some illness.

I wish him all the best from all of the hopes I have in me. Let's hope he'll pull though like he has before.

My sentiments exactly. It's difficult for me to even think about, it hurts and I never even met him. If the worst does happen, you will know he left his mark in this world and he will live on.

[R.J.]

The worst, or the best, depends on how we would see the situation in front of us.

Just like what Colin said over at CW, Codey will be with us forever.