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bilal

The Thief of Hearts 2

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As I was informed that Par 2 of the story was not very well written and grammatically not reader friendly, rather than go through the process of re-editing it have decided to delete it. May post it again sometime in the future 

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I don't know if you want this or not, but as this is the Bullpen, I've taken the liberty to edit the first few paragraphs to show how to make this more reader-friendly.  You might want to continue in this vein as you self-edit it.

 

 

Part 2

 

On entering the house with the older of the two leading the way, they entered the sitting room where Micah’s parents were seated. Greeting his parents he then introduced Luke to them.

 His parents welcomed Luke and asked him to take a seat.

 “It’s okay(, Mum.  W)e’re going to the kitchen to get a drink and something to eat(.  W)e’ll be back shortly,” Micah said, and the two boys disappeared from view.

 Inside the kitchen Micah asked, “You hungry?”

 “Yeah(.) I haven’t eaten for ages.”

 Micah smiled at the younger boys attempt to keep from swearing(.)

 “How about a pizza(,) Luke(;) will that do?”

 “Yeah, great.”

 He took the pizza from the fridge and put it in the microwave. When it was done(,) he placed it on the breakfast table and the two of them sat down to eat.

 

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