Rutabaga Posted July 28, 2021 Report Share Posted July 28, 2021 New short story posted here: http://www.awesomedude.com/alan_dwight/in-the-beginning/in-the-beginning.htm It is a gratifying story which reached a better ending than I had anticipated from the way it was developing. Worth a read. My one overall comment is this, however: I did NOT find the alternating first-person viewpoints of Gary and Mitch to be particularly satisfying in conveying the story. It seemed contrived and unnecessary, as there was no discernible difference in "voice" between the characters, and no hidden elements lurked on either side that made the shifting viewpoints essential to the story. In other words, no real surprises emerged from either viewpoint -- their reactions to events and issues were fairly predictable even without an inside look at their individual ways of thinking -- and the shifts just made things slightly more confusing for the reader in keeping track of who "I" and "he" represented. R Quote Link to comment
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