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I Think I Hear What I'm Seeing

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Oops.

This comment was for Stand by Me.

"That was a splendid example of how to write a short story--settig up the story quickly, not trying to introduce too many characters, remaining compact.

Congratulations."

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You know, I think there's a core of a good short story there, but the problem is, it's a character study, not a real story. To me, the structure is incomplete -- there's no real point there. It's just a couple of incidents without a real ending (other than one character leaving).

But I can't deny Steven has some talent, and what's there is entertaining and engaging. It's just not a satisfying ending, to me. I'd like to see this fleshed out and expanded.

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A few paragraphs into this story we're told:

I gave him my phone number and told him to call me if he needed to talk or if he felt the need to take a drink.

Since Eddie is deaf, why would the protagonist tell Eddie to phone him? I'm pretty sure the protagonist wouldn't have had a TTY attached to his phone; we would have been told that he did. TTY's are not commonplace devices, even for someone just learning ASL. Email, yes. Telephone, no.

And a couple of sentences later we're told:

Eddie did call me later that evening and I convinced him to go to a 12-Step meeting with me.

How, for God's sake?

These few sentences spoiled the story for me.

Colin :wav:

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Colin, maybe they SMSed each other and referred to that as a "call"? I agree the logic is of concern.

I didn't find that it was just a character study as Pecman did, though it is that.

I regard the story-line as about the relationship and reactions between a hearing person a deaf person.

The story runs beneath the surface as do so many periods in our lives, that never really end until we do.

It is therefore more in the alternative (European) story telling mode than the Hollywood.

As this is a true story, I am not all that willing to criticize it further as it obviously has some cathartic meaning for the author, and his sharing it with the reader is what is more interesting and important in my opinion.

:wav:

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Since Eddie is deaf, why would the protagonist tell Eddie to phone him?

And a couple of sentences later we're told: Eddie did call me later that evening and I convinced him to go to a 12-Step meeting with me.

How, for God's sake?

Colin :wav:

I saw this too. However, as this is a recreation of actual events, I simply inferred the mechanics of this were blurred in the recounting, that 'called' meant something similar, and the important thing was the contact, not exactly how it happened, and suspended my disbelief accordingly.

It didn't materially affect my enjoyment of the story.

C

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Funny, I never even knew this story was discussed. I'm home from work today feeling a tad under the weather and was surfing around and found this discussion.

I guess as to the "call" remark, it is much like using 'see' to a blind person. The fact was, Eddie did have TTY capabilities. In those days, telephone companies had special operators who relayed the message to hearing people. I guess I could have explained that better. In my defense, I wrote this back when deaf to hearing relay calls were pretty common place.

This is one of the first things I wrote. It never was edited or proofed. Anyone who'd like to take a shot at it, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks for the feedback. It is always appreciated.

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