untitled

[Sign Of A Flatline]

To A From P

Fleeting moment embossed with beauty

Pleasure beyond compare

Seeing the world anew, more real than ever

Purpose and meaning enter the world

Feeling younger and yet wiser

Permitting that door to be opened

The door with more potential than any other

Potential to free you soul and see it soar

Potential to gain what we all want

Potential to loose all we have

my love, let in and given the tour

Certain only good times could follow

Blinded by love, unable to see his lack

Lack of feeling remorse, humanity even

Realisation of the mistake wasn't enough

A seemingly never ending cycle of pain

Knowledge and logic wasted and useless

Cracks appear in the veneer followed by a leak

Compassion feeling love and humanity even

Drained then stolen by my first love

to A from P

so my first ever real poem. more than a bit apprehensive. read most of the other poems on here and since been compelled to write and terrified to post.. how can i compare?

neither rushed notmhurried now... looked over it and amde a couple oif changes from orginal

feed back greatly appreciated

P

[Cole Parker]

Excellent first effort. A couple comments, if you'll permit.

Why would you submit a first effort without at least editing it yourself? It only takes a few minutes, much less time than writing the poem would, and the presentation is much more effective if you do so. It's rather like proofreading a paper before handing it to a college professor. Not doing that doesn't allow your best work to be seen.

Second, your question, "How can I compare?" One of the marvelous thing about this site is we're not in competition here. We're supportive, and any criticisms made are made to help, to assist future work. So at AD, it isn't a question of how you compare with anyone else, it's how effective is the writing, and what, if anything can be done to improve it.

I'd say it's a wonderful first shot out of the barrel. Keep writing!

Cole

[DesDownunder]

Yes indeed an excellent and inviting first poem.

Cole is right that we are not in competition here at AD,

we enjoy sharing our creative efforts with each other

and the rest of the world.

I like to think that if one or some of us manage to

get a Nobel Prize for literature, the rest of us would

feel delighted, because we know we have all encouraged

each other to have fun and enjoy writing.

As for a title, your dedication might fulfill that role:

To A From P.

As Cole says, keep writing.

[Sign Of A Flatline]

Why would you submit a first effort without at least editing it yourself? It only takes a few minutes, much less time than writing the poem would, and the presentation is much more effective if you do so. It's rather like proofreading a paper before handing it to a college professor. Not doing that doesn't allow your best work to be seen.

Sorry

This poem is pretty close to the heart, and I meant more, unfinished and unperfected than unedited.

I posted this now because it felt right (how cheesy of me). the poem is much like me unfinished and unperfected. one day in teh futrue i do hope to have this poem completed, finished, more of a sign of moveing on or maybe even 'closure' because when i managed to finish this I'LL be finished and how i want to be.

God look at my intropective blubbering. i jsut wanted to explain the reasoning behind my aparent maddness

The anonymous P

[Richard Norway]

...the poem is much like me unfinished and unperfected. one day in teh futrue i do hope to have this poem completed, finished, more of a sign of moveing on or maybe even 'closure' because when i managed to finish this I'LL be finished and how i want to be.

God look at my intropective blubbering. i jsut wanted to explain the reasoning behind my aparent maddness

The anonymous P

I believe you're more a part of this group than you realize. Writing IS introspection. And it's real bravery to have the courage to look at your own feelings and put them in front of the world to see...and also feel.

There are people here under the age of 18 and people here well past retirement, but we all have one thing in common. We are not satisfied with what we've done and strive to do more. We are not finished with our lives and never will be. I get the sense that you're in that category, that you feel that there is so much still undone in your life.

Keep writing. We're really not in competition here, but here to help each other.

Welcome to our insanity.

[DesDownunder]

If this be insanity, then give me more,

And cast the sane ones out the door.

I'd rather have an day of madness with our mob

Than spend a minute with a genius snob,

Besides which, we just refurbished the padded room with fold-away bean bags.

[Sign Of A Flatline]

thats more re-assuring than either of you could know

=D my life would be boring without the insane ones