looking for honest feedback

[Lugnutz]

to those who haven't read my drivel, here it is

http://www.thescribblerspad.com/lugnutz.html

would like to see what y'all think, opinion, constructive criticism, etc. i'm not planning on doing any kind of a re-write, but to improve my future works.

this story is my first ever effort at writing, if you think it sucks, blame scribbler. it was his idea.

i can see an evoloution in the way it's writtin, from the first chap to the present.

flames will be laughed at and ignored.

thanks y'all!

[Graeme]

I've already given you my feedback, but I'll start the ball rolling by repeating some of it here.

For those who don't know, the ten chapters of Mechanics 101 were written first. The "Before Nigel" and "Just Passing Thru" are the most recent pieces.

You have clearly improved over that time. I especially liked the narrative sections of "Before Nigel" and "JPT". I think your dialogue sections are a bit "thin" in that you are relying totally on the dialog to convey what is going on. A little bit of narration or extra description around it would make it stronger (in my opinion only).

Graeme

[carolinascribbler]

Graeme, I agree with everything you've stated. I believe Jeff's writing has improved and I'm proud of him for that. In the beginning, he asked me, as a friend, to 'look over' his work and that's how I came to edit his stories. I'm not a great editor and I'll be the first one to say so but we both have learned a lot about writing and editing in a short period of time. A big part of what I've learned has been from the threads on writing, here at AD's and also from bugging poor ole Aaron of The Mail Crew. *grin*

Like Jeff, I've have noticed how his writing has evolved, and like you observed, I'd like to see a little more description in his stories. *hint, hint*

Oh, and for those interested, the adventures of Nigel and Darren will continue in "Mechanics 101: Shifting Gears" coming soon!

Johnny 8)