Jump to content

Excuses


Recommended Posts

There was a time,

when I was five

the blade was sharp

and it called to me.

It promised to vanish

this pain in my chest.

But I didn't know...

my grip was lost

and this knife hit the floor.

Release was the goal:

I did not know the word.

Then there was the hate,

that's when I turned eight...

and I had one more reason

to build my own prison.

I thought I had friends

but that one word I lacked.

They'd mock me,

my sister, my mom, my dad.

It is at school

where I've learned the most:

I've learned to dodge blows,

I've read new words

and I've learned not to cry.

It was there I first heard this:

you're gay.

And since then, this stigma

like scarlet has followed

and preyed on my frame.

Their voices would change,

mine was just as high.

Perhaps I was special,

perhaps I was not.

And it was at twelve

that I learned the word suicide.

And I learned it would follow me

for the rest of my life.

I've had many chances,

from when I was five.

I've chosen to live,

to appear happy.

But never will i discard this feeling

of shame and regret.

I've made excuses:

My parents would miss me.

That was a lie.

My sister would cry.

And I knew she wouldn't.

My friends would...

and that claim I just couldn't finish.

And today was the most recent

appearance of the thought in my mind.

I envisioned the deed

and started to cry.

Not because I couldn't, but because today I really had an excuse:

I refuse to die like they'd have me do.

And I owe some money.

Link to comment

How can I respond to that?

Powerful poetry, yes.

Painful soul-baring, yes.

Courageous honesty, yes.

So many of us have contemplated suicide - but I've never heard anyone articulate the preventive that has worked for me before: I owe money!

Can I offer another reason not to die? WE NEED YOU, MADDY!

Thank you for this amazing, harrowing poem, Maddy, hang on in there, mate! You are a powerful force for good and the world would be a sadder, poorer place without you.

Link to comment
How can I respond to that?

Powerful poetry, yes.

Painful soul-baring, yes.

Courageous honesty, yes.

So many of us have contemplated suicide - but I've never heard anyone articulate the preventive that has worked for me before: I owe money!

Can I offer another reason not to die? WE NEED YOU, MADDY!

Thank you for this amazing, harrowing poem, Maddy, hang on in there, mate! You are a powerful force for good and the world would be a sadder, poorer place without you.

I agree Bruin.

Yes it is powerful, revealing and honest poetry.

Such clarity is rare and is much needed.

Excellent poem Maddy. :lol:

Link to comment

Eee, sorry. I didn't mean for it to sound that serious. Like a lot of people, I have considered suicide, but I'd never kill myself. This poem is just the product of a fleeting idea, magnified.

Thank you for the kind comments.

Maddy (:

Link to comment

Don't apologise!

It's great poetry and I jumped to the wholly unjustified conclusion that it expressed your present or past state of mind. It's a great relief to know I'm wrong.

Anyway, if ever you do get down, know that the whole AD community is rooting for you (routing?)

We love you, Maddy! :icon_twisted:

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...