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Codey

Moments and Memories a poem by Codey

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Something I could do while sick...lol

Moments and Memories

a poem by Codey

The beauty of a brilliant sunrise

at the breaking of a new dawn.

The glory in a sunset

when the day is nearly gone.

The miracle of your newborn child

when you first gaze into their eyes.

The loss that's overwhelming,

when an old friend dies

The majesty of mountains

with snow covered peaks.

The anger of an ocean

and the damage that it wreaks.

We all experience these moments

frozen slices of time.

We keep these moments stored

as snapshots in our mind.

These moments are tied to memories

with a bond that none can sever.

These moments may last just seconds

but the memories will last forever.

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Hi, Codey,

A nice, easy to read but thoughtful poem.

If you don't mind, I'd like to offer a little criticism:

1. The second last stanza has snapshot misspelt.

2. The meter, while close, isn't consistent, and this jar with me when I read it. In particular, three of the five last lines have seven syllables, one has six and one has five. The one with five really stood out -- it jarred me out of the rythm of the words.

Despite that -- a great poem! Just a little tightening up required.

Graeme

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Hi, Codey,

A nice, easy to read but thoughtful poem.

If you don't mind, I'd like to offer a little criticism:

1. The second last stanza has snapshot misspelt.

2. The meter, while close, isn't consistent, and this jar with me when I read it. In particular, three of the five last lines have seven syllables, one has six and one has five. The one with five really stood out -- it jarred me out of the rythm of the words.

Despite that -- a great poem! Just a little tightening up required.

Graeme

I'd like to offer a comment or three on poems and the poetic temperament. Some poems are meant to jar, that is, those not read from between the pages of a Hallmark card. And spelling, again, well...don't tell e.e. cumming that its enforced. I'm more of the school that believes that a poem is meant to elicit an effect, and that effect might be anything but soothing. I'm fond of making people laugh or cry but those are only two emotions possible from a poem.

Codey and I were just talking,comparing writing a poem to taking a healthy shit. Sometimes its just something that had to come out, with effort. Now and then, someone else likes it. What IS true, is that the effect it has on others isn't necessarily pretty...or expected. Sort of creates a big blot of feeling with tendrils back into your psyche to memories or our cultural Id. Meter isn't always what's obvious and, as a poetic requirement, is a tad out of fashion.

One thing that's certian is that a poet likes his poems poked at about as much as he likes his cat kicked.

Love and kisses...

TR

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besides, don't listen to someone who can't conjugate their own verbs.

:: sitcks his tongue out at graeme ::

Don't change it Cody.  I think it's perfect.  Aside from snashpot.

So I managed to get something almost right....

Seriously, the only line that the meter variation stuck out on was the one with only five syllables -- the rest went past unnoticed when I first read it.

Also, I can't write poetry so you're all one up on me.

As for conjugating verbs -- I've never claimed to be able to do that, and I'm not sure it's legal in Australia. It sounds positively obscene....

Graeme :D

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snashpots and conjugating...hummm...sounds like a Dr. Suess plot.

The cat in the hat spied green eggs and ham

he promptly ran over and ate the lot

this wasn't a good idea, no not at all

he got conjugated and puked in the snashpot.

:roll: ok...been a while since I read suess :wink:

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Codey;

If only memory were that perfect......these days I have trouble remembering what I had for lunch. That might have something to do with all the technical gibberish I read these days.

One comment on the jarring of meter, or flow. I personally think its a good way to emphasize a point....make your reader trip over it and read it again to make sure they actually got the point.

As usual, a very nice piece......living next to those purple mountain majesties, your comment made me pause to look out the window and appreciate a view available in few places to even fewer people.

BTW, I thought I'd posted a comment on "Billy - A Kid", but it seems the message was diverted into the bit bucket. I just wanted to say thanks for that vivid piece of poetry....it reminded me of my nephews in Oregon. How my sister keeps up with three active boys and a new little girl I'll never know! Those boys make me tired just watching them play!

BTW, you owe me an e-mail!!! :wink: ;-) :wink:

Rick

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