Merkin Posted November 26, 2009 Report Share Posted November 26, 2009 Holidays coming, time to hit the malls... Rescue in the Dark by Merkin ?I?ll get us out of this,? Jeremy said. Sam gripped Jeremy?s shoulders tighter. ?Jesus, Jere, it?s pitch dark in here with the power out.? Sam walked into Jeremy?s backside. ?Oof. Sorry.? Sam was close to panic. ?Relax, Sam. You?re safe with me. I know this mall like the back of my hand.? ?I guess you do, don?t you? Where are we now?? ?Just at the escalator.? Slowly they felt their way downward. Suddenly Jeremy stopped. ?Listen!? In the darkness ahead they heard soft sobbing. ?Someone?s lying on the escalator.? said Jeremy. Carefully he worked alongside a small form. ?Can I help? ? A small voice said ?I fell down.? ?Are you hurt?? ?I?m scared. Who are you?? ?I?m Jeremy, and this is Sam.? Jeremy realized this was a young boy. ?Can you get up?? The boy slowly got to his feet. ?I have to find my mom? Where is she?? ?I was meeting her at the food court. Then the lights went out and I fell.? ?What?s your name?? asked Jeremy. ?Arthur.? ?OK, Arthur, you?re safe now with us.? The boy sniffled and grabbed Jeremy?s arm. They made their way onto the main floor of the dark mall, Jeremy guiding as he confidently moved forward. ?There?s mom!? the boy cried, while simultaneously Sam shouted ?The lights are on!? ?Oh, sweetie, I was so worried!? the woman rushed toward them and hugged the boy. ?How did you get back here in the dark?? ?Jeremy did it,? sobbed Arthur. ?He found me, and led the way.? ?Thank you so much!? Arthur?s mother exclaimed, turning to Jeremy and putting out her hand. Puzzled, she saw Jeremy was looking over her shoulder. ?He?s blind, ma?am.? said Sam. Quote Link to comment
Cole Parker Posted November 26, 2009 Report Share Posted November 26, 2009 Wonderful! C Quote Link to comment
Bruin Fisher Posted November 26, 2009 Report Share Posted November 26, 2009 What a lovely story, James - beautiful. Thank you so much. :) Quote Link to comment
Lugnutz Posted November 27, 2009 Report Share Posted November 27, 2009 Two thumbs up. Quote Link to comment
dude Posted November 27, 2009 Report Share Posted November 27, 2009 Great, James! Quote Link to comment
TracyMN Posted November 27, 2009 Report Share Posted November 27, 2009 That's what I love about Flash Fiction: The last line. I second everybody. Thanks, James. Tracy Quote Link to comment
Gee Whillickers Posted November 27, 2009 Report Share Posted November 27, 2009 Well done. Thanks very much for that. Gee Quote Link to comment
DesDownunder Posted November 27, 2009 Report Share Posted November 27, 2009 Wonderful. Quote Link to comment
Merkin Posted November 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 27, 2009 Thank you all very much. When I first tried to write this it was at least three times longer and had a lot of characters and encounters and backstory. After all, what could be more exciting than being trapped in a pitch-dark mall with hundreds of strangers all out to pick your pocket? Flash fiction is an amazing filter for separating wheat from chaff. I'm very glad there's enough story left to please you. James Quote Link to comment
colinian Posted November 29, 2009 Report Share Posted November 29, 2009 Very nice story, James. It's perfect for the holiday season. Colin Quote Link to comment
Grant Bentley Posted December 11, 2009 Report Share Posted December 11, 2009 What a wonderful story. You made my day. That last line says so much. Thank you James. Quote Link to comment
Rockyroads Posted August 2, 2010 Report Share Posted August 2, 2010 Wonderful short. I always enjoy reading yours. Quote Link to comment
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