Writing Roolz

[ricky]

RULES OF WRITING

- Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

- Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

- And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

- It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

- Avoid cliches like the plague.

- Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

- Be more or less specific.

- Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

- Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

- No sentence fragments.

- Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

- Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

- Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's

highly superfluous.

- One should NEVER generalize.

- Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

- Don't use no double negatives.

- Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

- One-word sentences? Eliminate.

- Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

- The passive voice is to be ignored.

- Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words

however should be enclosed in commas.

- Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

- Kill all exclamation points!!!

- Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

- Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.

- Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not

needed.

- Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

- If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

- Puns are for children, not groan readers.

- Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

- Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

- Who needs rhetorical questions?

- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

And finally...

- Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

[Trab]

That was good for a guffaw compared to drinking bilgewater at noon, a million tymes over.

[Guest Fritz]

Cool!!! That takes' care of two of them and I added one more for good measure. And (with a little work) I can probably break all of them.

Fun read though.

[colinian]

- Puns are for children, not groan readers.

They are all funny, but this is my favorite. I'm going to send it to a couple of friends who are inveterate punsters.

Colin