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Tanuki Racoon

Step One

Hemorrhoids  

11 members have voted

  1. 1. Which denizen should be used as a cure for Hemorrhoids?

    • Emu Feathers
      1
    • Rabbit Fur
      1
    • Orangutan Fur
      5
    • Trevor (please use this name from now on)
      4
    • Bruin Fur
      0


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I thought Weopans were small furry shrew like beasties.

No, they're small worm-like critters that have invaded my brain pan and whose purpose is to prevent me from taking the time to reread what I'd written before hitting ADD REPLY. I'm unfortunately infested with them, possibly because where they are there is plenty of empty space in which to multiply.

C

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My God, I fell asleep reading the Manifesto.

When I finally awoke, I said to myself, "Self, who gives a damn." Followed by thoughts of being--okay, happy would be streeeeeetching it--glad to see Daniel Boone's headwear back on the site.

Then I checked my footwear.

And what's with the powerballs. I thought racoons had little tiny...uh, never mind.

Hi, WBMS :spank:

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Thank you Jason for bringing my attention back to this thread.

Scanning the posts I remember the poll with which his exalted raccoon-ness started it off. Haemorrhoid treatment is a delicate matter, of course, and I can certainly confirm the finding of the poll: Bruin Fur doesn't help at all. It just gets in the way. It would appear that the experience of the pollsters guides us towards a close run win for Orangutan fur. Can anyone help out here? What do you do with it, assuming that you can get hold of some?

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Ever since the results of this poll became evident, I have awoken in the mornings with less hair than I had when I went to sleep.

It seems like someone is waiting until I fall asleep and then cutting off some of my hair, packaging it in plastic containers marked

"Haemorrhoid removing hair.

-Genuine organic orangutan Product.

made in Australia"

I don't even think they are washing it before selling it.

I am nearly bald now, have pity, leave me with some hair. :cry:

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I'll have to check the shelves at my local pharmacy. Perhaps they include an instruction leaflet. I wonder what you have to do with it - burn it and sniff the fumes? Dissolve it in whisky and drink it? Wrap it up in a dock leaf and stick it up your.....

...nose?

Very sorry about the moth-eaten effect caused by the depradatation of your fur, poor Des. But you are serving the greater good. It should give you warm feeling inside, to counteract the chilly feeling outside now you're denuded.

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I'll have to check the shelves at my local pharmacy. Perhaps they include an instruction leaflet. I wonder what you have to do with it - burn it and sniff the fumes? Dissolve it in whisky and drink it? Wrap it up in a dock leaf and stick it up your.....

...nose?

Very sorry about the moth-eaten effect caused by the depradatation of your fur, poor Des. But you are serving the greater good. It should give you warm feeling inside, to counteract the chilly feeling outside now you're denuded.

I have an orangutan applicator, but only one, and I would be gravely upset to wake up and find that missing.

That's me, always serving the greater goodies. :cry:

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