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The Calculus of Spandex

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The Calculus of Spandex

Given Murphy?s Law as a fixed axiom, we can derive the following corollary. This corollary defines the inverse relationship of the probabilities of the appropriate persons wearing spandex.

People that should wear spandex usually DO NOT and those that should never wear spandex often DO.

Mathematically this is defined by the function Pas, or the Probability of appropriate spandex use.

X is the number of spandex users.

Xa is the number of appropriate spandex users.

Pas(x) = 1/(X ? Xa)

The Limit of Pas as X==> infinity approaches zero.

Given this definition, we can show with mathematical certainty that the true number of persons that actually look good in spandex is very, very small.

Given this Proof, the following guidelines for wearing spandex are suggested:

1 ) If you have more hair on your back than you do on your head, it?s probably a good idea not to wear spandex.

2 ) If you have any concerns about the tensile strength of spandex as a material, this is a good indication that spandex is not for you.

3 ) When you go to the beach and people pour water on you and try to roll you back into the ocean, then spandex is not for you.

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I suspect the function Pas() has at least some relation (perhaps a derivative) involving the ratio of body fat to body mass; i.e., the suitability of spandex is inversely related to the presence of "love handles" and pot bellies. Or maybe it has something to do with circumference or the volume of the solid, particularly near that spandex-covered area.

No doubt the problem requires visual inspection or hands-on research.

Note I'm not saying someone has to be very muscled, just not very... jiggly... except maybe in the speedo package area.

Hmm. Blue notices his own equator and decides it is definitely time to exercise enough to tone up that equator and put muscle on the rest of the bod.

Hmm again. Perhaps now I'm more out, I'll be less insecure in the lockerroom.

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sadly, the degree to which one is out is not congruent to the degree of one's confidence in the shower room. This is conclusion is not mathematically derived, but arrived at through direct, personal research.



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LOL, OK, a slight clarification and an aside or two. My insecurity in the lockerroom (been a while since I've been in one, unfortunately) came from a few things. I wasn't too insecure about being skinny or pale... OK, maybe some. I wasn't too insecure about being average in the package department; I'm pretty OK with that. I *was* insecure about not looking or being noticed looking, and about the possibility of certain parts starting to stand at attention, although that didn't happen enough that anyone too notice, apparently. I was insecure about the idea of being around other guys changing, and me changing around them. Lucky for me I wasn't impossibly shy about it. Generally, I was paying a lot of attention to not paying attention; probably not too unsual, gay or straight, I suppose. -- I did notice every now and then. Hmm, too bad I wasn't letting myself relax and see the sights, eh? -- Maybe that will ease up some. ...OK, so I'm a mess, but I'm a nice mess, LOL.

Hmm, have to locate a pool near the new abode. Somewhere not too deep inside is an "athletically challenged" kid a bit dismayed at the idea of finding a gym and pool. Going to work on that, the health and tone and strength is too important not to. The swimming's fun, and the scenery before, during, and after, a plus also. :D

BTW, I'm not actually overweight (yet), just getting nervous it needs to be toned and redistributed, and prevented from getting out of control; most of my life I've been skinny.

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It's been awhile since i've been in a shower (in an interesting quirk of the english language, that could be read 'show-er) room, but i worked for many years in the downtown Y here in Seattle, which for many years was functionally a mini bathhouse. It was a haven for lots of married men on the make and their admirers. So it was a good place to get over getting shy, because everybody was looking at everybody, without the aggression of a bathhouse. Incidentally, i've only been in an actual bathhouse once, and was revolted by how dirty and sleazy the place was, and immediately left. So i'm a snob--sue me. :D

Anyway, I was a lot heavier than i currently am at the time, so it would be fun to go check out a showerroom again, at some point.



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