Seasons Greetings

[Pedro]

I thought it was time for some Christmas doggerel, especially since we missed last year. So here is my offering. 

 

Ho, Ho, Bloody Ho!

By  Pedro

Ho, Ho, Bloody Ho. Christmas’ coming you know. The ads for smelly For ever on telly Too often tell me so.

Ho, Ho, Bloody Ho. Keep up with the flow. Spend, spend, spend a lot, Funds you ain’t got, Hitting the shops on the row.

Ho, Ho, Bloody Ho. In every store you go, Play’d ever bolder, Wizzard and Holder… Oh, for Pete’s sake. NO!

Ho, Ho, Bloody Ho. White Christmas frost and snow. You’ve got no hat. No fun in that, When the North winds blow.

Ho, Ho, Bloody Ho. Now drunk girls are the foe, Seeking  favours oscular More than jocular Waving sprigs of mistletoe.

Ho, Ho, Bloody Ho.  Full, fake cheeriness aglow Carollers badly sing (Their necks I’d gladly wring) As thru’ the season they crow.

Ho, Ho, Bloody Ho. I hear the doorbell go. Put on false smile, But drop the guile, Finding a friend from long ago!

 

 

[Cole Parker]

Just great!  Now I'll have to come up with something.

Bloody Yanks.

 

C

 

[Cole Parker]

Okay, not as good, but then, this is off the top of my head:

 

Christmas trees, all aglow

With balls and lights and ersatz snow

Wreathes and stockings hanging low

“Which are mine?” they want to know.

 

Kids and Christmas—made for each other

Just like twins, brother and brother

Piles of presents under the tree

And each kid asking, “Which one’s for me?”

 

Christmas day, two’re up already

“Can we go down?”  “No, no, hold steady:

First wake Timmy, Neil and Freddy

And for God’s sake, also get Betty!”

 

And then, all up and rarin’ to go

Down they fly as I yell Tally-ho-ho!”

Santa has come and their faces shine.

I can’t be happier—these kids, they’re mine.  

[Merkin]

Out of Stock

Christmas comes but once a year—
your credit card has nothing to fear
for credit lines are infinitely long
and pleas to buy are in every song.

The debt piles up and threatens to sink
household budgets and drive you to drink
while lending mongers wave new offers
designed to tie you to their coffers

At least until another season
of hyped-up giving exceeds all reason,
and increases every obligation
for the citizens of this sad nation,

All of whom seem to have turned away
from the real basis for this holiday:
how can Peace on Earth still be sought
when Amazon says it can’t be bought?

--Merkin
 

[Cole Parker]

More please!

C

[Pedro]

Guys, those are both great.

Cole's shows how we like to think of Christmas

James' , chimes with my view of the commercial reality.

Any more?