All that matters

[petefromoz]

All that matters

by Pete

When I was younger, and life was easy

(so I like to think)

there were still times when things went wrong, or I

got mad, or felt lost.

So when that happened, it helped to know I'd

find comfort in the arms of my parents.

I knew they loved me,

that's all that matters.

Now that I'm older, wise and mature

(so I like to think)

there are still times when it all gets too much,

too dark, or too hard.

So when that happens, it helps to know I'll

find comfort in the arms of my parents.

I know they love me,

that's all that matters.

One day, I'll find the one out there for me

(so I like to think).

That will be great, but there'll still be times when

things get tough, or rough.

So when that happens, it helps to know I'll

find comfort in the arms of my partner.

I know he'll love me,

that's all that matters.

[dcorvus]

Aww, this is nice. It's not obscurely profound or deeply symbolic, but it's more than enjoyable; and the use of repetition is effective and powerful. But I think that the middle stanza is a bit extraneous; in conjunction with the last stanza, it sort of sounds like you're abandoning your parents for your partner.

Nice work,

dcorvus

[petefromoz]

dcorvus,

Believe it or not, I agree.

I had an idea of how I wanted this to go, but I couldn't get it to work. The original intent was to show the transition from relying on our parents to relying on our partners that happens as we grow up & settle down. I got stuck in the "then, now, later" mindset, but looking at it with fresh eyes it's unbalanced - it needs to lose the second stanza (or perhaps have a fourth to balance or something).

Ah well, I'm still learning, and this sort of feedback is really helpful. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

Regards,

Pete