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Thirteen-year-olds' Song

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Thirteen-year-olds’ Song (1963)


Two pups

in twin beds,

talking of

life and sex,

“What’s it like

when you kiss her?”

Come over,

I’ll show you.

After the fun,

my ear

to your chest,

I hear the same song

her heart sings to me.

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I wish my own experiences in that, pre-teen and teen, had been more fun and less un-fun. (Pre-teen, classmates. Teen, wanted to be with classmates.)

Much wishing back then that a couple of friends would've wanted to be with me in the same ways I wanted to be with them. Much dismay and confusion about it all, amid the wanting of something that seemed wonderful, much desired, but elusive. Guilt and shame, after, that I, a guy, wanted that, with another guy -- though I still wanted it, and imaginings and time solo were much wanted.

How I wish that every boy who ever wanted to be with another boy, every girl who wanted to be with another girl, could have some time to explore the warm feelings of love and friendship and the intimacy of sharing physically when they're ready, and without being made to feel guilty or shameful for it.

Oh, it's OK if another boy doesn't want to be with a boy, for love emotional or physical. Most are going to want girls for that. But it is not OK when there doesn't seem to be any boy who does but you, and when you are not sure who you can ask, or when you yourself feel guilty for wanting such, with another boy. It is disappointing to discover that a boy you like...cannot or will not share the feelings you have for him, both the emotional closeness and the physical closeness.

Lamenting aside, I still miss a few of those friends, whether they liked me that way or not. (And if they had, oh, would I have been thrilled; still would.)

There must be some better way out there, a way where boys and girls are not reluctant to be close to another boy or girl, where a boy is no less "manly" and not "sissy" or "wimpy" (or a faggot) for liking another boy.

I know there are folks out there who don't have such problems. I just haven't found one where the feelings are compatibly mutual and long-term enough.

But...I am very, very thankful there are some boys out there who wouldn't mind being with their friend for some fun and exploration and learning, or who would actually prefer that with a boy than with a girl.

Things are slowly improving. Maybe I'll see it truly change in my lifetime. I would like to think so.

If my reaction's negative or personal, well, that's just where I am right now. -- Finally coming into a new period in life where, when I can, I may get to find that someone, or at least have a better chance to find him.

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  • 1 year later...

Yes, Colin, I agree... Nice!

I never had those guilty feelings, unless you count those times when it had to be with an adult. But, crushes on boys... ah, made for wonderful dreams. I never really experienced being "in the closet". Oh, we hide now in plain sight, but only because we live in a place that does not see gays as people, just yet.

I liked both the book and the movie (WRFG). Sometimes it works out that way. Discs and Netflics give me the chance to experience some wonderful acting of years past... one of my favorites... Kelly Reno in The Black Stallion. That kid could act! Not many lines, but then again, horses do not talk back verbally. Reno was so fine flying on his friend through the shallow water.

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