Lesbian parents 'betrayed' by gay father

[Graeme]

An interesting legal case about a lesbian couple raising a son fathered by a gay friend of theirs.

Lesbian parents 'betrayed' by gay father demanding to see his son

I'll just say that, in my opinion, discerning what's best for the child is rarely easy in cases like this. I really don't know what's a fair and balanced answer to this situation. Maybe someone else does....

[Merkin]

I cannot see, in the arguments so far reported, where what is best for the child is the central concern. Each of the three adult individuals involved appear to be viewing the situation and the child from an "ownership" point-of-view. The principal danger to children throughout history has stemmed from being viewed as someone's property.

[Graeme]

As a general rule, I think you'll find that the judges involved will have "What's best for the child?" as a guiding principle. I know that the Family Court here in Victoria has that as a documented guiding principle. There's also the comment from the father's lawyer:

Urging Lord Justice Thorpe, Lady Justice Black and Sir John Chadwick to focus on the boy's best interests, Mr Verdan said...

Of course, that could just be a 'line of attack' so the father gets what he wants.... Damn, it feels bad being that cynical about how people treat children....

[The Pecman]

They should've gotten an air-tight contract prior to getting into all this. And I think an occasional visitation from the natural father is not completely out of line.

[DesDownunder]

I guess we are in a new era of child raising, given the latest advances in recognising diversity in human relationships. I note the two women were represented as desiring a 'traditional' background, for raising the child, of a two parent family regardless of them being two women in a loving and caring relationship. This concept of 'traditional' may well be part of the stumbling block to solving the situation to everyone's satisfaction.

I'll leave the final decision to the court in the hope that they can find a way to favour the best outcome for the child.

However I would make comment that there is another model to the 'traditional' family model, and although it is probably not applicable in this case, it may well be worthwhile considering how the 'village' or 'communal' child raising model could contribute to future situations of this nature. In an example of a small group such as this, where one of the biological parents is in a relationship with someone else, and the other biological parent seeks participation in the child raising, rather than just visiting rights, then the communal model of multiple parents as care givers has the ability to offer a stable and loving environment for the child.

Something along these lines happens in some, not all, divorce cases, where a parent actively contributes to the child's day to day welfare, even though the child lives with the other parent who remarries (another person.) This then represents a change to our recent traditional models, but is not without precedent if we look at those communities who shared child rearing amongst the other members of, say, the village, or tribe. In fact I would go so far to say that if this arrangement was not part of our sociological past, then the human race might well have died out as infants became abandoned, due to their parents meeting an untimely fate in early savage and primitive, environments.

In this particular case, I can see Pec's argument, and I think there is a selfishness in all parties of regarding the child as an object, if not of ownership, then most likely as a symbol of a 'trophy' family. And I hate coming to that idea as a conclusion, as it is probably, to some degree, unfair on all parties.

As a child raised by three women, three men, and a visiting father, I can assure you that the child can survive multiple parental figures to become as much an idiot as anyone raised in a traditional family setting. The biggest influence on a child's final adjustment to life is the mentor figure(s) of the post puberty years, but that is another taboo subject with which our societies are not yet capable of examining, let alone adopting.

Psychologically speaking the biggest danger to a child is sexual molestation before puberty has run its course, but there is no suggestion of that in this case as far as I can see.

[The Pecman]

As a child raised by three women, three men, and a visiting father...

WHAAAAAAA? This is a story in itself, Des! Give us the short details -- I'd love to hear how this happened. And this was how long ago?

[Cole Parker]

If it is a story about Des as a child, it was looooooong ago.

C

[DesDownunder]

Okay Pecman, you inspired me (must be your muscles).

I've posted a blog entry which hopefully answers all your questions, and more.

[DesDownunder]

If it is a story about Des as a child, it was looooooong ago.

C

No, no, Cole, I just wrote it.

[The Pecman]

Okay Pecman, you inspired me (must be your muscles). I've posted a blog entry which hopefully answers all your questions, and more.

Wonderful story, Des. Thanks for sharing it! You should fictionalize this and make it a novel.

[DesDownunder]

Wonderful story, Des. Thanks for sharing it! You should fictionalize this and make it a novel.

Thanks Pec, My family provided me a lot of material, so I could certainly write a fictional novel about them and their antics, but I fear no one would believe the stories.

Anyway I'm glad you enjoyed the short version, at least it's nice to know someone liked it. Thanks,