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Cole Parker

Witticisms for a political year

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The problem with these are, they're way too true.

I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts. After all, we've been voting for boobs long enough. ~ Clarie Sargent, Arizona senatorial candidate

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~Aesop

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~Plato

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge

even where there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. ~Author Unknown

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

~Jay Leno

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and

campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you

smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it. ~P.J. O'Rourke

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. ~Adlai Stevenson, in a campaign speech, 1952

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

~ Texas Guinan

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.

~Gore Vidal

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~Charles de Gaulle

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it’s better to change the locks. ~Doug Larson

Don't vote, it only encourages them. ~Author Unknown

There ought to be one day - just one – when there is open season on senators. ~Will Rogers

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Who would want to be president?

First you undergo a protological exam that's like having the Keck telescope shoved up you ass.

If you've got the money and your issues pass muster with the party brass, you can actually play in this game.

If you should happen to become a front runner, the media will take it upon themselves to cut your balls off.

That's why we end up with stupid presidents. Only an idiot would want to go through all that and bet a billion dollars that he'll win the job.

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