Closet-Boy has embarrassing questions.

[blue]

I thought I'd ask a question or two. I'd like some advice.

Just now, I wrote a couple of things in Limerick Lane, just havin' fun. One post is teasing Nick. But then I realized, what if that had been in person somewhere?

Blue has not been to a gay club or bar yet, nor PFLAG or other support groups. Gotta work up the courage, in part to tell my regular cabbie. He's OK with such things, but I think he's decided I'm straight. (Argh.) I think he's smart enough to figure me out, though. I dunno. -- Sorry, I got sidetracked. At some point, I'll have to just say it.

{ Blue spends quite a while writing what amounts to another autobiography. Why do I keep doing that? You guys don't need to know every gay thing in my life history. Jeez! Besides, there'd be a lot of blank space and the words, "Blue stayed in the closet. Time passes." }

OK. Maybe I need to borrow Linus' security blanket. Lil dude has serious separation and oral issues. :p OK, back on-topic.

Questions: I'm in my late 30's. I'm not sure I would or could, but what if I had said that (my latest two posts in Limerick Lane) in person to Nick or Ryan or someone their age or (yikes) younger? Would that be just a joke, flirting? Do you have any idea how weird it feels for me to think of me flirting with a guy? I can think of it as just joking around, b.s.'ing each other, but that post was flirting and clear. I'm probably over-thinking this. (If you notice a certain similarity to Perry or Jesse, it's part of why I read and edit P&J, I can identify.)

OK, so if it was Nick or Ryan -- Oh, sorry, I can ask you guys yourselves. Nick and Ryan, other young guys, what would you think? Is that just joking and flirting? Would it weird you out? It might weird me out now. (Can ya tell?) I think it would've weirded me out at your age, for a guy my age to do that, even if he's just kidding. -- I was just kidding. It was only after thinking awhile that it made me wonder. Would you just ignore it and laugh? Would you get the heck away from there fast, or tell me I was out of line?

Um, please understand, I can even say here that one of the sackers at the grocery store is cute, and he's high school age. BUT I would not think of even asking him or anyone college-age if they were interested, let alone trying anything. If someone in that/your age range approached me and asked me, I have no idea what I'd do (other than getting a shocked look and probably spewing my drink). Um, honestly, I'd be conflicted. Am I nuts? I'd probably shrug off flirting, and not even occur to me if a younger guy was, ah, interested. Did I mention I'm a total newbie? What would I (or should I) do if someone that (or your) age flirted or made a definite pass? I'm over-thinking all this, aren't I?

I would be looking for friendship first, in my own age range, before even considering anything physical. I tell myself. But I have been out of circulation and I know I'm human and male and I could get carried away with myself. I think I'm smart enough not to.

This led to another thought. Um, I've only once or twice as an adult, thought that anyone might be checking me out. Kinda liked it, but it made me feel weird. Nothing wrong with the guys looking, it was my own insecurities. But if I go to a club, someone is going to get a lot more friendly than that. I'd probably jump out of my skin if someone groped me. -- I suppose the basic advice is, go with someone and be firm.

Look, if/when I look for companionship, it would be in my age range. It would be for friendship first and anything else if that developed. But I suppose it's obvious that I'm a total newbie at this. (Blue sees a rubber chicken thrown across the room.) A while back, I posted and joked that it wasn't quite the same as what (sort of) worked as a kid or young teen. Then I asked, "or does it?" I didn't really expect a reply, it was a joke. -- But now, well, I'm wondering about this whole thing. And blast, all I know are you guys online and about three lesbians in "real life" and one or two guys who might be gay, maybe, and I don't know them well. They're not co-workers.

Blue stands up on a virtual table and goes, "ARRGH!" -- OK, I feel better now. Maybe.

OK, no doubt I've thoroughly weirded everyone out, and Nick and Ryan have gotten tasers and katas and things like that. -- My sincere apologies. This is all new to me and I need advice.

By now, it should be obvious to a pet rock that I'm a newbie and feel sort of like a basket case about it. -- Please be nice to the confused Blue Closet-Boy newbie over at the corner table, right by the closet.

[Tanuki Racoon]

I have no advice, but I gotta tell you that I really like you. You sound like me but you're a lot closer to the closet door than I ever will be. I'm so far back in the closet I may never even see the door much less peek out of it. I'm impressed with your ability to express yourself. Nice job.

I'll just go away now.... ;)

-- wbms

[blue]

Well, you don't have to go away. :)

And heck, it's always nice to hear someone likes me and that we're alike.

It's tons easier for me to express myself in writing than in person.

Thanks again, WBMS. Other ppl's input on this whole thing, muchly appreciated.

[aj]

first, there is nothing wrong with flirting with someone you're attracted too. the definition of flirting is "Attention without intention." Living in the gay part of town in seattle, i flirt with straight guys all the time, and it's all just good fun and they know it and it's not a problem.

second, there's also nothing wrong with flirting with younger guys. Their reaction will let you know if they are receptive or not. the point of flirting is not to take anything that happens personally (see the definition above). there are a ton of younger guys who like the idea of hanging with an older guy, either for friendship of for more. I have one young friend who is 18 and he and i have a mentor/protege friendship that is quite nice for both of us.

I really like that you just wanna ease into this transition. You seem like you're being very smart about it. Too bad you're in Texas--i'd go out for coffee or lunch with you in a heartbeat (yes, i'm flirting with you).