blue Posted July 6, 2012 Report Share Posted July 6, 2012 Sometimes you see something so ordinary, and it stays with you. Days ago, a gay YouTuber had an advice video, and one sincere commenter (gay but questioning) asked a very, very basic question, the very same question people (straight or gay) have been asking since time began: How do you know if someone likes you? The rest of the comment made it clear the young guy liked some male friend and was hoping his friend liked him back. Well, you know, that's not an easy answer to fit into 256 characters, or 256 thousand, probably. But there are so many answers to that, and so many potential hurdles along the way. It seemed to me like a topic for a video in itself. Or a story or an essay. How would you answer this? What if it was a friend in school who asked you? Your kid brother? Your older brother? Your son? Daughter? Sister? -- I am saying it's a given that the person asking is a teen, because I think that is when we first start really asking the question. But for that matter, it could be someone college age or older, or it might be a pre-teen just discovering he or she likes (loves) someone and hopes they love him or her back. It could be complicated if it's your friend asking because they like you...or you like them. I am writing that as if it was giving some possible story ideas. But I think this might be better suited for either a discussion topic on the forum, or for an essay, an advice article. Are the question, and the possible answers and options, really the same for a same-sex like/love as they are for an opposite-sex like/love? My own instincts say that when it's same-sex, there are some considerations that just don't enter into it for getting to know someone opposite-sex. I know this was a question of huge importance to me when I was a teen. "How can I find a friend to talk to about this stuff? How can I find someone who likes me, to try any of this stuff I'm feeling? How can I find someone who really likes me?" It's just as vital a question as an adult, for that matter. I'm not sure how common it is, but for me, it never entered my mind that another boy, a friend, might be a "boyfriend" or we'd be a "couple." It wasn't that I wanted merely sex. (Though I'll be honest, I did want that, even though I wasn't sure about actually doing anything. I still wanted it, at least the chance to find out, to try, beyond what I'd done.) It was that I couldn't imagine being able to be open about being together, and that anyone else would want that, at all, or with me. (Yes, that says a lot about my self-esteem as well as how taboo or unlikely I thought it was to find another boy who liked boys.) I am not sure if that last paragraph is something most questioning teens (or most gay but single teens) go through or not. So it's a writing or discussion topic along with the others. Now, some guys (and girls) apparently have no problem finding a friend to talk to, experiment with, or go steady with. But others have very limited experience, a lot of "ships passing in the night" missed or fumbled chances, or for some, no experience. Others have negative experiences. Some might have played as children, but had no idea as teens, and only discovered (or recognized) their feelings as they got into adulthood. Anyway, before I wander around any further from the central topic, I wanted to say that I think this very central, basic question is worth answering in some meaningful depth. I'm fully aware there will be many ideas and many more opinions. It is something I feel nearly every gay or questioning teen must go through on the way to figuring themselves out and finding how to date and form relationships. So it seems like it deserves some answers. As I said, I could see this sparking stories, articles/essays, personal experiences, and discussions. Rather than place limits, I thought I'd just throw it out there and see what people think. Quote Link to comment
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