Europe will soon be...

[Chris James]

...one great big happy family. I know how much the English folk have embraced the customs of their brothers across the Channel, and now it seems as if all of the EU will share a common language. How lucky according to the following post:

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official

language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some

room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as

'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants

jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion,

and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond

year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20%

shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where

more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate

speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go

away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer,

ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a

united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

What? You're not smiling?

[Merkin]

How could they even think of doing this to the English of Robert Burns or Chaucer?

[Cole Parker]

James, you're amazing! I love that.

C

[Lugnutz]

My head hurts now.

[colinian]

It made my eyes ache.

Colin

[FreeThinker]

Ve haf vays of makin you do zis!

[DesDownunder]

The Family values people will never accept anything but the traditional English which God has been using time began.

[FreeThinker]

That's right. Everyone knows God speaks Jacobean English!